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grandchild's first birthday - should i reach out even though SD hasn't talked to her father in almost 8 months?

red haired stepmother's picture

my SD had a baby a year ago. not a good situation at all. she quit school in her senior year of college...that her dad actually went bankrupt over!
hubby lost his job 2 years ago...we lost everything! he went back to school and is back working but will never ever make the same amount of money he used to...which is fine but SD never once even acknowledged the fact that we were really struggling financially. everything is about her...and hubby dances around her like she is a queen! she can do no wrong.
she is repulsive! she burps loudly at the dinner table...farts at will.....shows no respect to me or even her own father. she lies about everything!
she stopped talking to us 8 months ago when hubby refused to babysit for her every friday night(HIS DECISION ENTIRELY).
i'm torn........i have no love for SD and really couldn't care less if i ever see her again in my life. but i know it's bothering my husband that he doesn't see her or his only grandchild. the baby will turn 1 in a few days and we've only seen him a handful of times.
the resentment i have for this girl is off the charts. and when hubby is with her...he becomes sarcastic and manner-less as she is. it's awful! and, i've been the butt of their "joking" more than once. it hurts me more than i can explain when my own husband becomes a child and makes fun of me...the woman he loves.
anyway..that all being said. i feel bad hubby is bothered by not seeing his only daughter and grandchild....should i reach out to her? she hasn't reached out to us....
i don't want to open a can of worms...but i feel guilty for not making more of an effort....HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE????????????
i suggested getting together and having a long talk...but hubby still won't back me up on certain things. he tells me i have to deal with it and talk to her but if i do...he gets upset at the way i handle it. i can't win...either way.
how do we ever get past all this?????????????????? will it ever end???????????
anyone have any suggestions?????

Most Evil's picture

Short answer: No - do not reach out, ever!! Let SD come to you or nothing will ever, EVER change.

The baby is fine so don't worry if that is it. Do not accept being mistreated or be a martyr for their 'love'. BS I say!

The longer SD gets to see how much of an ass she is, the better, and same for DH too, sorry to say. HUGS

Kes's picture

I recently became a grandmother for the first time myself - it makes you very emotional! I would suggest that you and your DH SEND (do not take) a present for the baby, and a first birthday card, with a note in it saying that it would be nice to see them sometime. Don't beg or plead, be fairly cool about it, and if you get no response, leave things alone, then do the same at Christmas, perhaps send a photo of yourselves, and ask for one of them and the baby in return. Your DH and his daughter sound like their own worst enemies!

AVR1962's picture

I am in the same situation. I had a recently conversation with my husband encouraging to contact his sons and work issues out with them. I will not get involved and will not be a part. Everytime I get involved it comes back on me that I was in the wrong somehow. I feel the issues husband's sons have are with the bio parents but found me as a convenient target and I ahve no plans to be that target anymore. However, I do feel it is important for husband and his sons to work out their differences and try and make a relationship for themselves.