You are here

Future vacation ~ veruca salt is she invited ??

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Sooo last night FDH says we need to organize a vacation for next year.

Hmmm this should be interesting .... Since this is considered a family vacation ~ will veruca salt be invited ??
The last vacation we had was 2009 ~ it was an incredible vacation but she was there. We all talk about how great that vacation was. This is a place that myself n my kids were invited to that year.

FDH & Veruca Salt had a Major falling out in 2011 n it involved myself n my children. Veruca was bullying my daughter in school n continues to this day to pick on my daughter through social media. Veruca n BM are narcissistic biotches.

This past year in Oct, FDH n Veruca have rekindled their relationship. Which I am fine with ~ the only thing is that Veruca is not welcome in my home. The disrespect is the major issue ~ she is the epidomy of one of the girls from the bad girls club. Not my cup of tea.

So here's the question ~ I am all for a vacation. But I wonder of he thinks ~ it will be ok to invite veruca ?? I will not go on vacation w veruca. Am I worried about nothing ~ jumping the gun.

How do I address this issue ?

another step's picture

I suggest right from the beginning. As in "who exactly do you mean by "we"?" Because there is not much point in planning when bringing her is a deal breaker.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

It was expressed as "family" vacation.

This place is about 10 hours away.

I will never be ok with being around her ~ I just wonder what his thought process is. We would have to rent a place but his sister does have a place there as well. OMG ~ if sneaky shit happens I might just lose my shit.

another step's picture

As in you rent a place and Veruca just HAPPENS to be staying with his sister at the same time? And let me guess....this "family vacation" rental MUST be taken in this particular place - no discussion of another venue?

Yeah - definite shit losing time...

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Another that's what he has in mind.

We go to Outterbanks ~ the first time we all went. We had a blast ~ teenage bs which I had to deal with. Drinking n smoking a damn floor below us. Excuse me stupid idiots ~ the beach is 2 blocks away. Seriously ~ we were all teenagers but the blantant disregard for parental respect is ridiculous. I caught them n reamed them all ~ assholes.

His entire family is aware of my situation w Veruca. She has not been welcome in my home for over 3 years. N they all know why. His sister has her own home minutes away ~ the entire family whoever can vacation will vacation. The first year we didn't go ~ veruca put a pic up of the beach there n said my favorite place on earth n I can't go because my dad's a douchebag.

I can't imagine him not wanting to take her with us ~ not in the mood.

We talk about getting married in Ireland n again he wants her there ~ sorry. My kids aren't coming on my honeymoon ~

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I deleted her not her comments. Out of sight out of mind ! Best thing ever.

I just cuz by imagine any of my kids putting crap like that on any social media. I am not saying my kids are angels but they sure as hell don't need to flaunt their inappropiate actions on social media. I'd ring their necks.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I am sick at the thought of this happening.

Sneaky shit meaning ~ she will stay at his sister house.

He will use this oasis as bait for her ~ dangling an awesome vacation !!

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I laugh at the thought of actually calling her Veruca instead of her batshit crazy given name.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

What a great opportunity for your DH and Veruca to bond on a private vacation together while you go somewhere else by yourself. LOL!

Pose it to him that way. See what he thinks.

You and your daughter can head off to a tropical island where you will be served drinks with umbrellas and be fanned by handsome pool boys!

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Ghost ~ I have 4 kids altogether. I would love to vacation

kathc's picture

Nope. You shouldn't have to go on a vacation with his daughter after the shit she's pulled. Maybe after she's been a decent human and spent a couple YEARS making amends then you can consider it. Right now? HA! Nope, sounds like she just came around to try and get shit from him, she needs to prove that's not all she's after before getting welcomed back into the fold!

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

No chance in her bring a decent human being ~ remember veruca salt !!!
She is a complete n utter narcassist. No admitting she was wrong.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I want a golden goose now Daddy.

I was left chin hanging last night when he said that to me. OMG ~ the fear of him inviting her will piss me off royally.

Sweetnothings's picture

I've just posted about vacations with skids today too ! Lol !!!

I'm not doing another one, I'm done, and my DH is done, unless he gets pulled back into that sh** again . Never say never with former guilty Dads as we've wobbled before , and one thing I have learnt from my delightful skids as I cannot trust them an inch .... EVER !!

I sat DH down and went through a few options as now the skids are adults, which really meant DH understanding where WE and ME stood on this of course !!

adult skids get jobs, ( hah !!! Not happening )
Adult skids have partners, they will be spending exciting times holidaying with them surely ?? ( hah !!! Not happening ) well, they have partners but no one works.
Adult skids MAY be invited to join a VERY special occassion event holiday, but WE do not pay their way. ( hah !! not happening, we live too far away and they would have to spend serious bucks to get to us, and they can't even manage to send DH a B.D, F.D, Xmas card )

DH can go and vacation with them if he wants, but I do not wish to join, and will be organising my own FABULOUS one for myself. ( hah !! Not happening, DH wants to ENJOY his vacation time too, and he has found out before it's not fun with entitled skids )

Agree, you have to get this all sorted out, as clearly as possible, or it becomes a huge old mess and you will be the super meanie SM from HELL !! :sick:

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Sweet ~ I am already a "bitch" who doesn't belong in her family. Hmmm I am not in your family ~ we have our own family which has no room for veruca !

sandye21's picture

Even if Veruca is four minutes away, she is too close. My SD was a lot like Veruca (love that name!). When we took our first vacation with SD and her friend we stayed with DH's brother and SIL but SIL said she would not allow SD to stay in her home. So SD stayed with DH's other brother who lived a few miles away. DH still included SD and friend in everything.

The real problem in not Veruca, it is your BF. Have you asked him what the purpose of the vacation is? It sounds like he wants to re-connect or get closer to Veruca. He has unrealistic expectations and view of 'family'. I think he wants to recapture the 'good old days' when 'family' included BM, with you as a substitute BM. The dynamics are different now. He needs to wake up. Did your parents take you on a vacations with them when you were grown? Mine didn't.

SD is not allowed in my home either - until DH informs her in my presence, that she is to respect me as his wife. I suppose this is the case with you too. If she is banned from your home it is hard to believe that your BF doesn't know why.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Sandy ~

The purpose of the vacation is just that relax ~ he has worked his ass off for 3 years with no vacation.

He isn't replacing me being new BM ~ he loathes BM. He is trying to have a family vacation. They have family vacations with anyone who wants to vacation. Neices n nephews cousins aunts uncles. Blah blah

I just think he is going to take the approach that it is a family vacation n she is considered family. I can't imagine him wanting to be there without her ~ the unknown is driving me nuts. Everytime we speak of her an agruement a ensues. If I bring it up ~ will he think I am interested in having her come along with us.

Bf is well aware of why she is banned from my house. He gets it. He understands that her behavior is what is appauling. Her words n actions are the problem. He knows exactly how I feel ~

I want him to have a relationship with her ~ I just chose never to be around her wretchet ways. I have more respect for myself. My kids are 20,18,15 n 10. N her

sandye21's picture

Don't bring it up. The best thing you can do for your relationship is to be honest with him if he brings it up. But make it like: "Veruca seems to have a problem with me. Better for all if we don't murk the waters. You are welcome to take a vacation with her if you wish."

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I exist has if she isn't a part of my life.

I might ask his other sister if she wants to go in on our house n that will nip it all in the bud. His sister sees how rotten she is to me n my kids.

We had a wedding months back n that was the first time my FDH had seen her in over 2 years. They spoke a lot that night ~ he tried to talk to me about her that night n my comment to him was I want nothing to do with her until she whole heartly apologizes to me n my daughter. I will not stop you from seeing her I just chose not to have her in my life. I think he went to lunch w her 2 times but her Xmas gift is still here n she sent a Father's Day card late. She tries but enough to be nice but not thoughtful.

The thought of her coming on vacation is enough to make me puppy barf. Anxiety here you come.

She is a total bad influence ~ drugs , sex n drinking. Nothing I want my kids to be around.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I exist has if she isn't a part of my life.

I might ask his other sister if she wants to go in on our house n that will nip it all in the bud. His sister sees how rotten she is to me n my kids.

We had a wedding months back n that was the first time my FDH had seen her in over 2 years. They spoke a lot that night ~ he tried to talk to me about her that night n my comment to him was I want nothing to do with her until she whole heartly apologizes to me n my daughter. I will not stop you from seeing her I just chose not to have her in my life. I think he went to lunch w her 2 times but her Xmas gift is still here n she sent a Father's Day card late. She tries but enough to be nice but not thoughtful.

The thought of her coming on vacation is enough to make me puppy barf. Anxiety here you come.

She is a total bad influence ~ drugs , sex n drinking. Nothing I want my kids to be around.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Ladies I can honestly say
I love you all ~ you keep me sane.

THANK YOU !!!!!!!

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I am guessing I just feel bad considering my children are with me 100% ~ my hubby passed away n kids only have me.

So family vacation for me includes my kids ~ don't want to hear what about my daughter.

Maybe I am thinking totally prematurely but just want to be prepared for his comment.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Thanks Cat ~ I appreciate your comments.

I have a hard time not playing his feelings into this whole situation. But Veruca caused the riff not me.

The thing is he did everything a father would have done ~ the problem is/was the BM ( Tinkerdouche) would undo everything he did. She built veruca up that her actions were justified. Both DF & Tinkerdouche are well aware of this situation n he would discipline her accordingly n Tinker would undo it all.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Oh I will stand my ground ~ I fold on this issue I lose credibility with my daughter. I am here to protect her not throw her to the lions.

She can go on vacation with Tinker n tinker takes the bf dejoir along with her. Dysfunction at it's best ~ MOTY !!!