Finally in a good place
Both SDs are being nice. In fact, OSD called me just to tell me something funny. YSD went out of her way to talk to me and ask me questions about how I was doing.
This is a big change from the last few years where I was barely spoken to and never, ever received a phone call.
DH is reveling in it which I hate because I don't like him having such a big stake in my relationship with SDs. DH is quick to point out their acts of kindness. Ugh!
I am cautiously polite. I won't reject people that are making an effort towards me. However, I will not treat them like my own children, who quite honestly, I would take a bullet for. They have their own mother.
Disengaging does work. I am no longer trying too hard and desperately trying to blend a family. I'm not all excited or happy about their new treatment of me. What it does is make for less tension and anxiety when I see them.
I think you are partially
I think you are partially disengaging, when you try hard to form a relationship with the kids, they see it and can throw it back in your face, what your doing is working so go with it, Im glad things are getting better for you, if they continue to come round, you will be able to relax and get closer to them, Im talking from personal experience, my sd6 is a different person to the one I met 2 yrs ago thank God.
You don't have to believe
You don't have to believe it's for your benefit. If it happens, just enjoy it and don't get too close.
i agree completely. after
i agree completely. after years of treating me like shit and expressing nothing but resentment at my place in fdh's life, sd suddenly tells me i've always been like a mom to her and how can i shut her out now, when she needs me the most? apparently one of us has had our head up our ass for over 7 years...
Maybe they are playing a
Maybe they are playing a game, then you should be seen to accept their friendyless if you don't you will be walking into their hands, perhaps it will give you some satisfaction that their little game has'nt pulled the wool over your eyes, Im sure hubby is happy about this, he just wants you all to get on, though he dos'nt know how to do that, it sounds like they have hurt you deeply in the past, I know how hard it is to let go of that, so my advice is to seemingly accept their friendly behaviour whilst keeping an eye on them, in time it may be that their intentions are good, but I would'nt let your barriers down yet, good luck honey.
honestly it's a sad
honestly it's a sad commentary on human nature. We are esp vulnerable as SMs and skids family knows this. That coupled with the fact that we cared what they thought of us and wanted to please them (ok I did) made them despise me.
Some people respect people more who don't respect them. They want to be with someone whose love they have to earn.
Esp my MIL had a definite inverse reaction to kindness. The nicer I was, the meaner she was. The more I tried the more she was rejecting and accusatory. Now that I've stepped back my H has been told by his family to give me big hugs when I'm not there. The first event I didn't attend (Christmas) it was slipped that I was being talked about "hatefully" because I didn't show.
Now that they know I've purposefully disengaged, they are much nicer. Sadly, the last thing I intend to do is attempt relationship again. I tried for six years, now I'm washing my hands. I can be nice to them, even pray for them and hope the best for them (ok I want to). That being said, I don't intend to aim for any intimacy.
Enjoy the pleasantries, but I
Enjoy the pleasantries, but I would NEVER EVER let my heart open to them again.
^ I feel the same as you
^ I feel the same as you Towanda. My SKIDS are only 10 though, so maybe there is hope. I don't have too high of hopes though.