Feel like a failure. Should I keep trying?
Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum and I'm looking for some advice or words of wisdom!
My DH has 3 daughters who always lived full time with him as the BM left several years before I met him and had no real interest in raising her daughters. If I knew then what I know now I would have never in a millions years got together with a man with fulltime custody of 3 daughters - no matter how much I loved him! Anyway I was naive and we married and had two young daughters together and have been together 10 years.
SD24 hated me from the day we got married (strangely she was ok up until that point). She moved out several years ago after almost ending our marriage. SD20's (twins) still live with us. Things used to be ok between me and them. These girls have lived with us full time for 10 years and I did all the things a parent would do in terms of cooking their meals, washing and ironing their clothes, picking them up from school etc. I've tried my absolute hardest to get along with and have a good relationship with them, I try to be thoughtful and kind and nice. However I have had to bite my tongue and not speak up for years as they completely overreact to any criticims from me.
I thought things would get better as they got older but actually things have got worse over the last few years and they have said some extremely hurtful things. Recently there was a big fight between me and them where they criticised my parenting of my BD's, said they can't stand me, said I have ruined their family, said I've never done anything nice for them and a whole lot of other awful things. I didn't make any personal attacks on them in return (I again bit my tongue!). I am absolutely devestated and I am so so angry about the things they said. I have invested 10 wasted years of my life into these girls, doing so much for them and not one single thing is appreciated, in fact it has all been thrown back in my face. They now seem to hold the same views that SD24 has always had - I guess she finally got to them.
I can't live with them anymore. I hate being in the same house with them. I feel anxious every time I come home. MY DH backs me up on this and has agreed to support them financially to move out (they are at college and work part time so they can't afford the full cost on their own). He agrees that their behaviour is unacceptable.
My question is - should I keep making an effort with them? Has anyone had good results where SD's who hate you change their feelings when they get older? My BD's are close to the SD's and enjoy spending time with them, so it is not possible for me to completely cut them out of my life as they are my BD's sisters and SD's do love them. Ultimately I would love for us all to get along. However I am begining to feel that may never be achievable. It seems that no matter what I do, it is not good enough for them. I am really struggling with this and feeling really bad about it. I feel like a failure. Any advice is appreciated!