Fear makes DH enable his adult brat

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DH's eldest daughter phones on DH's cell a little while back. DH asks what's up, his daughter says she is returning his call that it looks like he called her. DH says no he didn't call and brushes it off as maybe his cell dialed her number in error

This was prior to SGS's birthday party that we went too in which DH's daughter didn't so much as say hello to me, said not one one to me the entire time - but walked right up to where DH and I were and talked pleasantly and directly to DH ignoring me - got ticked off when SSIL was talking to me and called him away, I'm fairly certain was making fun of me along with her MIL (SSIL's mother) and of course very pleasantly chatted with DH and said good-bye to him, completely ignoring me who was standing right beside him

Fine. I ignored her right back. I didn't make a stink about it with DH after we left, I remained positive and comfortable that I dealt with DH's grown up brat as much as possible on my own.

Then on the weekend she calls DH's cell again. Again with the same "I'm returning your call you phoned me dad" routine. DH again says that he didn't call, but how is she doing anyway, how is SGS, yada yada

NOW my resentment starts to kick in

I get that DH doesn't want to piss his daughter off. I totally understand he lives in fear of her playing the ol' 'I'll walk out of your life' and 'you'll never see SGS' cards

So I remind myself of this and know if it were reversed how difficult it would be for me

But it really infuriated me that after that bitch carried on the way she did to me, right smack in front of DH, that when she phones his cell he just starts chatting with a pleasant tone like all is good

I told DH that as long as he continues to talk to her like everything is just fine after she has so openly been rude and ignorant to me, that she will continue to do this. DH is giving her the green light that it's just fine and dandy to treat me like that. I also told DH that while he is sending this enabling message to his daughter, he is sending the same message to me his wife. That it's just fine with him if I'm treated with such disrespect, that he isn't standing up and supporting me. Grrrrrr!!!!

He mentioned he had toned it down a lot with her and simply wanted to know how SGS is....I know this is what it is and hate getting into these discussions with DH. But damn if I wouldn't like to strangle him and his daughter when this shit goes on.

Did I say Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

Make yourself absent from any

Make yourself absent from any occasion where a step-child will be in attendance. This removes all possibility of being slighted and also conveys the point that you don't miss them at all.

Although, he may be biased

Although, he may be biased when it comes to his daughter, is it possible that DH doesn't see it to begin with? I mean, men are rather dimwitted when it comes to the nuances that women tune in to. My DH doesn't pick up on this kind of stuff unless I point it out. Of course it's then that we'll argue because he says I'm picking on his kid. But I totally get how you feel disrespected. It's sucks when your man doesn't address the disrespect for fear of rejection. Totally got that going on with my DH and SD24 too.

Ya, this went on for over 20

Ya, this went on for over 20 years in our marriage too. You have to value yourself enough that you expect no less than mutual repsect from other people. I finally had to put my foot down and banned SD from our home until DH can inform her in my presence, that I am to be respected as his wife. That was 3 years ago. DH still has not said anything to SD but then - she can stay away. He can visit her anytime (except holidays), just not in our home.

Omg, this same exact thing

Omg, this same exact thing just happened to me!! I am completely disengaged from Sd and haven't voluntarily seen her for over a year and hadnt coincidentally seen her since last August. We had to attend a mutual friend's wedding in January and she came right up from the pew behind us and spoke to DH and said nothing to me! I kept looking up at her while she talked to see if she would acknowledge my presence at all and nada!! I thought, "okay, it's on now!" I didn't even look toward her the rest of the day. I had to sit at a table with her and her minions and still, not a word. DH was there for it all and just in case he hadn't seen anything, I told him at a certain point in the reception that I wanted to leave soon and he asked why and I told him about how rude she'd been.

Has anything changed since then? Well, kind of. DH threw a big fit last week, which he never does, over a perceived attitude he thinks I cop when he's on the phone with any of his kids. :? Really? And you say nothing about your bitch daughter completely ignoring me and not saying a single word to me yet when they did it to you once in the past, you were beyond pissed??? Personally, I think it was misplaced anger...he's pissed at her but he's afraid to say anything to her because she'll yank grandson visitation rights so he takes it out on me.

I don't have any answers but just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I'm definitely in the same boat. I say Grrrr plus a few choice 4 letter words as well

Honestly! These weak disney

Honestly! These weak disney dads really should realise that what they are teaching their kids, is that they have NO RESPECT for themselves!! By allowing their offspring to treat their wives like shit, is actually allowing them to treat their dad's like shit.

Don't respect my wife - don't respect me. It's a simple concept.

They are pretty much telling their kids "yep - shit all over my wife, treat her like crap, be rude and hostile - go right ahead! .. It'll never bother me".. what they don't realise, is the message they're sending is.... "no need to respect me, I'm ONLY your Father - the man who put you on this earth, the man who is responsible for you and supports you - but don't worry about that - I deserve NO RESPECT from you 'cos my head is so far up your ass.. so please.. go right ahead and treat me and who I choose as my life partner like shit - and.. oh, hell yeh! this is EXACTLY how you should always treat your loved ones".

What a healthy way to parent your kid.. (NOT!)

Stupid, stupid, foolish, gutless men!

Yup already there Orange

Yup already there Orange County CA, but I do still see DH's daughter at family events, especially for SGS.....

DH definitely doesn't pick up

DH definitely doesn't pick up on some of it northstreet but usually I try not to involve him but just dealing with it myself, even if it means simply paying zero attention to his daughter

Then there are times DH does notice it as she so blatant, he might make a feeble attempt to say something to her, and if I dare get angry at DH then DH gets angry at me :?

So...we agreed some time ago that if his adult brat is rude, I'll say something so DH doesn't have to man up and do it himself BUT he also agreed he will not side with or say anything to me in defense of his daughter (in her pretense that is)

This was the hill I would die on. I would leave DH if he did that and he knows it

But, as much as the situation is more tolerable, there are days I'd like to say so much more

Frustrating!