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Father's Day Follies

2Tired4Drama's picture

Sigh. Here we are - another annual occasion when my SO will be on pins and needles waiting for SD to call him for Fathers Day.  I am disengaged so I don't ask anything about SD.  Yet I can tell by his mood throughout the day where his emotional barometer is ... he starts out hopeful, almost enthusiastic, and as the hours drag on he begins to wilt. 

He will start his tailspin if he hears nothing by mid-afternoon and will become glum by evening.  Then, miracle of miracles, the precious princess will probably find a moment of time towards the end of the day to spend about 5 minutes total on the phone yawningly telling him "Happy Fathers Day" and then spend the next 4.5 minutes going on and on about herself before she says she has to go because she is sooooo tired. 

The two times per year SD calls him are on his birthday and Fathers Day, otherwise all contact is entirely up to him.  I do find it appalling that a grown woman can only manage to make an effort twice a year with her father.  Oh well.  Not my kid, not my problem.  And even less so since I stopped engaging in any conversation about her.

Anyone else have recognizable routines like this?

 

 

2Tired4Drama's picture

So he knows at least I am doing something special to recognize the fact he is a father, even if his own child doesn't. 

sandye21's picture

This was a yearly 'event' with exDH and exSD.  ExDH would start checking the mail box the Friday before Father's Day.  By Saturday evening the 'deflation' began, and by Sunday night he was sulking and uncommunicative.  The following week he would egg me on until there was a fight.  I usually got him a card from the animals.  Not once did I see one from exSD.

Newimprvmodel's picture

So I really tried with one SD. Sent her tons of gifts and tried to restart a relationship after 14 yrs of being ignored. It only went so far. Ended when my DH was not invited to his only grandchild's first birthday. I did send a Xmas gift to the child but didn't even get a 2 second text thank you. 
so the child's second birthday just passed and I did nothing. DH made a crazy statement to another SD this am that he would have to call SD1 to wish HER SO a happy Father's Day!  I rolled my eyes along with my daughter.  He did get a 2 second text from her for Father's Day. No FaceTime with his only grandchild. 
I tried. But was not continuing the time money and energy to send gifts to people w/o any appreciation. 
he understands. He admitted to me recently he knows I tried.  As long as we all have someone in our life who appreciates us that's makes the difference. Sounds like our DHs have that. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

So DH says he missed his text from SD and oh gee I have to give her a call."  I asked him why?  The answer? "Oh you are so tough on people."  I rolled my eyes and said who just texts their father on FD?  
It's pathetic when he chases her. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

My DH has accepted that the estrangement from his adult daughters is likely permanent, but he too used to spend the day waiting for a phone call, getting more glum as the day went on.

 I remember one very hot Fathers Day where I spent all afternoon outside gardening just to avoid the thick atmosphere inside. I'd get sweaty, jump in the pool, then get out and back to work, never going inside. In hindsight, this probably did more good than hovering or trying to overcompensate for his shi!!y daughters.

Missingme's picture

Great advice. I do the same thing to avoid becoming depressed myself and to avoid him picking on me. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. I literally get physically ill starting almost two weeks before any holiday because that's when he starts to get moody and mean spirited. It's always in anticipation of whether or not he'll hear from but mostly get to see the love of hie life, the adored princess. If he never saw the others again, I honestly think that would be okay as long as the One was there. 

SeeYouNever's picture

my DH is usually the same getting antsy for a call. Itreally ruins the day when we hear nothing til 8 pm.

SD14 usually will call DH on holidays and talk for maybe 2 minutes before she's busy and has to go. Just the general "happy holiday. How are the kids. Love you, miss you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye"

This year he got it in a text. "Happy father's day, I hope the day treats you well. Love you, miss you"

 

FWSM1964's picture

My SO received 2 Father's Day calls from his sons and one text from OSD25. YSD22 did not acknowledge Father's Day this year.

If you have read some of my other posts, you will quickly become aware that he has a good relationship with his sons and is estranged from his daughters (not his choice).

However, OSD25 relented and is now allowing him to see his first grandchild in "sometime in July". We'll see if this comes to pass. 

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there!

Birchclimber's picture

Don't you just love these SPECIAL occasions?  My DH received 2 cards on Father's Day.  Both were from MY two sisters!!  One of my sisters included a really lovely 3 page letter to him in her card. My other sister took the time to write a really kind sentiment underneath the card's standard greeting. We have those two cards on display.

Meanwhile, OSD55 sent a one line message to MY email (he doesn't have/want one) asking me to pass on this message to him:"Happy Father's Day,  Love OSD and SGkid".  That came at 10:20am.  At 10:40am YSD50 sent the same touching and heartfelt email to my address but made no acknowledgement that I was the one who was to pass on the message. She wrote it as though he's the one who opens my emails, because in her feeble mind, she prefers to believe that I don't exist. What a piece of work she is.

Anyway, at 4 pm he said that he needed to call OSD to thank her for her message. I said that she should be the one calling him and of course he got huffy saying that he "needs to thank her".  So fine. The phone conversation lasted 3 minutes.  However, as YSD has caused us nothing but grief in the last few years, he told OSD to thank YSD for her message for him, if she happens to be talking to her.  

What a s.show.  It was so sad to see him before he got the messages from those two. Every year he has high hopes, and every year he's let down.  The checking of the mailbox the week before Father's Day is always heartbreaking to watch.  Of course the irony to all of this in our case is that it comes on the heels of their last drama that took place just before Christmas when they tag teamed and  badgered him with an attempted guilt inducing conference phone call.  They made their demands and said that they wanted a better relationship with him. In actual fact, there has been absolutely no communication between the three of them since Christmas. Not one of them has made an effort to call and these two SDs are still hiding behind my email. 

One last note: I had created an Auto Reply yesterday morning on my email, stating that I was having issues with my email and was unable to receive or reply to anything for the next few days. Then I said that if anyone was trying to get in touch with me they could call me directly. If they were trying to get in touch with DH they were to call the house phone. However, for some stupid reason, my email kept disabling my auto reply message! I tested it out with my sister and it didn't work.  Aargh. So frustrating!!  Anyway that was my attempt at trying to get these two idiots to CALL their father. And yet, YSD  sees me as the bad guy who is supposedly putting a wedge between them.

I'm just glad to put another Father's Day behind me. 32 and Counting...

Newimprvmodel's picture

Texts are like a slap in the face. And it's pathetic that our DHs feel the need to chase.  DH even called and said he wanted to wish SD boyfriend a Happy Fathers Day. She couldn't d even be bothered to return the call yesterday. 

CLove's picture

I overheard her speaking with a froggy voice, happy fathers day love you dad.

Shes got COVID and managed to call on FD so things are looking up.

SD16 got him a tshirt which he wore happily to the early dinner/late lunch that I organized for MY father. We all got cozy and had a really nice time (without SD23)

caninelover's picture

The dfference is my SO doesn't let it completely affect his mood.  But I sense it too.

So sorry you have to deal with this.  Fathers Day/Mothers Day - for many of us, they are just more holiday landmines to navigate in steplife Sad

Missingme's picture

You all do realize that the One doesn't call or text until late in the day to punish her dad, right? Works like a charm. It's called manipulation.

Plshelpme's picture

My SD was on the phone with DH and was talking about their Amazon lists, my DH mentioned he would send her his (he was joking) and she very callously told him they hadn't discussed sending gifts - so she didn't want his list.  He was totally deflated,  he has been trying so hard with his kids and they both just text him for important days.   SD is doing a little better, but how on earth do you have a gift giving discussion with your own parents??   
So, I know how you feel.