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The Dreaded Ex Wife

Peace_Please's picture

Hello all, new here I apologize in advance cause it s gonna be a long one!!

I have been with my husband 10 years, he has 33 and 27 yr. Old adult boys. He has no contact with his youngest and no one, not even his older brother can say why.

Husbands ex w left him and his boys 17 years ago for her online affair partner, they are still married.

5 years ago, the oldest son moved in with his mother for financial reasons for about a year. Ever since this he has been distant from his father. Since then he has met a wonderful girl and there is now a beautiful grand daughter.

My in laws never liked my husbands ex, and after her up and leaving after an affair, they really had no use for her and have not spoken to her in 17+ years.

As soon as the baby was announced, all my female inlaws added her on fb, I and my husband were stunned as his family has a relationship with his son on their own and do not and never needed his ex wife in the past to do so..and no one likes her or her past drama.

As I said before we noticed a change in my ss after living with mom for a year.

So for almost 2 years I have watched x's and o's exchanged between my inlaws with the ex on fb etc. Never saying a word other than to my husband who was also in disbelief.

2 months ago, my sil admits that she met hubbys ex for coffee, we were pi**ed!! The only reason this came out was because my ss, his w, and baby girl turning 1 were coming to town to visit and we were throwing a huge surprise party and my sil worried we'd find out from my ss she went out with his mom is what sil told us...again, bad enough watching the fakebook drama, now this!!

Sooo, ss shows up with his w and baby girl who is adorable

Peace_Please's picture

I never said a word for 2 yrs...ex w ended up creating drama with a bunch of hate and lies about us to new dil, figuring she'd alienate us. Ss and dil came to visit for 5 days, met her once before, told me everything cause ex w lied sooo much she was afraid to come to our house!! Drama? I told my in laws what the ex w did..they've cut her out of fb now abd realize some things never change.. wish my whole post had posted

sammigirl's picture

Move forward with your lives and enjoy SS and his family when they are visiting you. Never, and I mean never, let Ex's enter your marriage; after all they are history. My Ex and my DH's ex have never been a part of our marriage or life; that was all 38 years ago and has always been in our past. My SD56 is much worse than DH's Ex.

With that noted: we have had to attend events with our ex's because of our kids. My Ex and I lost our two teen boys and had to bury them. We have had to attend graduations, weddings, baby showers, dance rehearsals, you name it with DH's Ex and her DH (he's very rude); but we have survived it. I excused myself on a few occasions and DH wouldn't go, when his Ex was involved, without me (his choice).

My point being; SS and dil will figure out who is the "real" people, mostly because you stay silent and move forward as if this was not even going on. It is maddening to know someone is talking behind your back, to make themselves look good. Don't make this your problem, it only balloons and becomes a bigger problem in your marriage. DH's Ex also talked and told lies behind my back, in the beginning; I ignored them and she left us alone, after time. I blocked all social media from my SD56, SGD32, YSS53, and BM. They were snooping and I didn't like it. I said nothing, just blocked them. Of course it made SD and SGD livid; again their problem, not mine.

Smile Smiles to you for being a bigger person and not bringing yourself to their level. It doesn't change anything to try to control adults and it only makes you miserable; they don't care. They love it, when you play into their games, let it go and move forward as if they don't exist.