Down to days not weeks
As y'all know, I am planning to leave H as soon as our company closes escrow. So tonight while we are driving around and around (something he loves to do) H says to me...
"ya know what thought keeps going through my head?, I keep thinking as soon as the company closes, you're gonna take half the money and leave me!"
Why on earth? Where did he come up with it??
I did not ask. I just looked at him and said..."Oh really? Is that what you think?" And I just acted like I was playing with him and looked at him like "if you don't shape up, I just might!"
Inside I was reeling though...starting to panic. I think I looked cool I hope so!! ....YIKES!
As far as SD34 she is STILL working for us and he is STILL leading her to believe she is staying on! She asks and asks,
"just tell me so I know if I should look for something else"
and he just keeps telling her
"we will see"
Why not just tell her the new boss is going to hire his own person! SIMPLE!! Why? Because he WANTS her to stay on, thats why! There can be no other reason not to just tell her to look for another job and make his wife happy!
NOPE he does what makes HIM happy!
Where did he come up with
Where did he come up with that? He's probably well aware that he's treating you poorly and prioritizing his daughter, and he realizes that anyone in her right mind would leave his ass at the first opportunity. Sometimes these over-indulgent dads are more self-aware than we give them credit for. They just can't help themselves.
My ex did something similar
I think he knew deep down it was over but I was waiting. Those comments are fishing expeditions looking for a reaction. I'm impressed you played it so cool!
Fishing expedition
I think this is true. I think if I am honest with myself, I'd realize that he is going to do what he is going to do knowing FULL well the consequences of losing his wife!
I saw the most recent texts to her. He has absolutely no desire to force her to get a real job BUT she works for us around 6 hours a week and he pays her whatever she claims she works which is around 25 hours @ 25.00 an hour so in reality we are paying her 100.00 per hour! Where can she replace that???
I would've said "Now there's
I would've said "Now there's an idea! Hadn't thought of that!" And make him think he gave me the idea to leave him haha
I think people have a sense
I think people have a sense of if you've mentally already left - they can feel you moving away from them. My exH did - I didn't tell him I was going until just before I did. I like The_Upgrade's idea though!
Tax question
I received a letter from a collections agency for SD34. It has gone to many addresses to finally find us. It appears to be an unpaid debt to the
I R S. So this the reason she won't get a real job isnt it? She is an independent contractor for us. She gets a 1099. I am reading it is harder (tho not impossible), to garnish wages through 1099. So we are protecting her from her debts? This is not the first debt collection I have seen, she has also defaulted on a student loan that I have seen bills for!
Don't I as an employer have some culpability in this? She will never get a real job until all her debts are cleared and she will never clear them!
I hope you told them where to
I hope you told them where to find her.
I doubt she is protected from debt, even with a 1099 she still has to declare her income and I'm pretty sure the IRS has a whole range of ways of recovering what is due.
The IRS can and will ask you
The IRS can and will ask you to withhold money from her pay and send it in. The company MUST withhold if ordered to do so.
I have dealt with this previously for a sub (1099).
IMHO you have no culpability
IMHO you have no culpability for her debts. If employers were responsible or in any way culpable for the debts of their employees no one would be in business. To be sure, call your attorney.
When we have purschased a home and would get collection notices for the prior owners/residents I would give the collection agency their new contact information/address. The last home that we owned we got these calls and snail mail nasty grams for almost a year after we purchased the home.
Don't be overly concerned about SD's financial issues. Not your circus, not your monkey. And soon, she will not be your employee either.
Enjoy your new life adventure.
Another reason
So H will has another reason to pawn her off to the new owners. They will have to be the bad guys and deduct her pay. That is my H 100%... always finds a scapegoat for his dirty deeds and then plays innocent victim
'but, I didn't knowwww"
What this also means
is she likely can not obtain credit at all. No credit card means a lot of things. She can not rent a car correct? This is important because my gripe to H is "why doesnt she plan her own vacations or get aways...why does she always insist that we are responsible for her getaways?"
We pay for her flights, we give her our car to drive...OR if she does not come to our town then she expects him to take her with him WHERE EVER he plans to go... Me? She does not even acknowledge me!
And all of these things will
And all of these things will just be more reasons for you to savour your new-found freedom.
:)
Just be careful
Be safe. Good luck.
In my experience as a
In my experience as a supervisor with staff who had garnishments, employer only responsible for what they are officially notified to do. Nothing an employer can do unless that formal notification is received that wages are to be garnished.
I ended up acting as a go between. HR and Payroll would email the info to me, I would print off the documents and hand them to the employee in a sealed envelope. HR and Payroll took care of the actual garnishment and whatever documentation was needed to comply.
I would update attorney with that little nugget of info in case H knows there's been a notification and trying to hide it.
Found this on quora
Regarding narcissists. So really it wasnt so much of a revelation as it was a threat!
I think the more accurate description is that narcs are dependent on those close to them - especially their target person. Their definition of “loyalty” is more like “You’d better not get any ideas of leaving me or things will get very unpleasant - know what I mean?” (Or as my ex-Narc put it, “People DO NOT walk away from me …”).
The aggression comes from their deep-seated knowledge that they will struggle to find any normal person to put up with their BS.
Similar happened to me before I left...
Two days prior to my secret escape, exH started yelling at me (again) and said something about me leaving him, blah, blah, blah. I had disengaged two weeks prior, so I just reminded myself, 'stay calm, stay focused, only 37 hours until the movers arrive'
Yay! Freedom is so close...
I'm eagerly awaiting
your complete escape, looloo. Your hubby must suspect something, just keep being a good actor and watch the clock tick by. I think of you often and am cheering for you! Please keep us updated.
He may very well have suspected because
He talked to the new buyers and told them to replace her! In my presence! I was shocked. Now this may indeed seem like reason to cheer him on but he has yet to tell HER! I keep waiting for him to just TELL HER! All he said was
"she is going to be heartbroken"
I said "well ya! She is getting paid 25 hours for 10 (maybe) hours of work!"
and he says..."yea, maybe"
OMG!! What is wrong with this man!! Yea more than MAYBE!!! Why does he always put me in the position of the hearlless step mom simply for pointing out that she has a sweet deal! He makes it sound like she has been so devoted and dedicated to her job and now I am accusing her of cheating us! Well she IS cheating us! And lest he forget her weaponizing her job by withholding the newsletter because she was mad! Any other employee would have been fired! He should be happy to be rid of her! Who wants that kind of chaos everytime you hurt her little feelings???
I weighed it all in my head..The way he lied about it from the beginning and how I was gaslighted for finding the truth. I think this is too little too late...what say y'all???
It is over, and should be over.
Get your money and ride off into the sunrise of your new life adventrue with this mutual worship shallow and polluted gene pool society fading into your rear view mirror.
Live well and relish in that being the best revenge while these two wallow in the stench of their dedicated family failure.
smh
Take care of you!
Keep to the plan
You will never get the validation you need to save your relationship. And in any case, it's too little too late. Even if he admits he's wrong and sees his daughter for what she is, it doesn't wipe away everything he's done since. But it's a moot point because why plan for scenarios of how you'll react if he changes when we know it'll never happen and he'll never change. The only person that can change is you.
I think the deal is way done
stick a fork in it.
No reason to stay. All the reason to leave. You need to cut out your emotions better, you are still emotionally invested in his reactions and actions. You need to start your healing journey. I know that when my emotional attachments decreased, my healing increased. Work on that. I am looking forward to the posts about your leaving and what happened when you gained your life back
you all are right!
As a matter of fact, this morning he says to me,
"She is not talking to me! I need your help, what should I do?"
Translation: " I made a mess and now I want you to clean it up"!
Im in a no win. If I say, yes, let her go, then she writes him off and I am the bad guy! If I say keep her then I have just as much responsibility in her staying on as he does.
I continued to reinterate! "We would not be in this mess if you had talked it over with me before you hired her! I knew she would play these games with you, business and personal do not mix".
In his mind tho, there is not a problem with any of it except for the problem I HAVE with her working in the business. Now I am really the only issue standing between him and a very easy solution. So what do I do?
I told him, "you did not consider my opinion when you hired her, dont involve me now, do what you want to do as if I werent a part of it at all!"
He seemed to like that idea and it was done. Now I just need to detach myself from this feeling that I have now given him permission for something I am going to leave him for later.
I know, I have too much displaced guilt!
You are paying your attorney
You are paying your attorney to counsel and represent your best interests. LISTEN to him/her!
Take half now. It is yours.
Take half now. It is yours. It might not be there later.