Does anyone else have a spouse who has double standards for his own kids vs yours?
I'm on the verge of divorce due to dh's double standard. My DD23 is almost done with college, so, yes...I've helped her what little I can and have taken heat for it from dh for 5 years. Her father has paid her entire tuition and room and board, so I've helped her along the way when she's run short along with paid her cell phone bill and her car insurance. Admittedly, there were times she came to me as she had run short and I'd tell her to get a part-time job and she didn't. Ok...I'm not perfect, so can understand why dh would think that's "enabling". But, that's NOTHING compared to what he does for his DS22 - a drug addict.
So, you can see it coming already...MY daughter the college student vs. HIS son the drug addict. Plus the fact that my daughter HAS another parent to help and HIS son doesn't (his ex is mentally ill in another state and has been out of the picture since 1997). Oh, yes...any time I help DD23, I get heat from dh, but I'm supposed to just sit back and be perfectly ok with HIM buying his son's food or help pay his rent. He did drugs for 5 years and I saw way too much enabling going on from dh. I almost ended our marriage 2 years ago when SS22 was living with us...not working and dh not pushing his son along. He finally crashed and burned, went back to rehab and has been on his own since...working low-paying jobs, so dh comes to the rescue every now and then and buys him food. I asked him yesterday why his son wasn't getting food stamps and he said he doesn't qualify. Huh?? He works at a convenience store making $9/hr and that's not living on poverty level? Dh just thinks because he's not a full-blown drug addict anymore that he's "doing better". I see the money going out the door to his son as "enabling". I told him that yesterday...that as long as he buys his food or whatever, he's allowing his son to buy cigarettes and drugs. This argument has been going on for 5 years and I'm SO over it! I asked dh when we were arguing yesterday when is it going to end and he said, "Maybe NEVER!" and walked out. grrrrr
Granted, SS22 does have some mental issues, but I feel is capable of doing more than he's doing. Dh knows I'd be supportive if his son were in schooling of some sort to learn a trade, but he's doing nothing more than what he's doing, so I don't. Plus, why should I support HIM in what he's doing for HIS kid when I get yelled at every time I help MY kid. Again...the double standard. Sick of it.
If dh could just support ME when I help MY daughter, I'd do the same for him, but he just can't keep his opinions to himself.
Thanks all for letting me vent...