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Donkies MUST be flying

weekendwidow's picture

My SD 21 called out of the blue this weekend to ask if she could stop by for a visit. I said to my DH...well, I have stuff to do so have fun. I really didn't want to spend any minutes of my weekend w/o any kids with this notoriously snotty, entitled little bitch. So I left. When I got home she was still here and ended up engaging me in conversation. She was polite and cordial. ..I had to pinch myself. I looked out the window to see if, in fact donkies were airborne.

And the kicker was, she didnt ask for money...the first time EVER and she wants to make more regular visits because it's been too long.

I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know she's up to something.

sandye21's picture

You are wise to her 'habits'. If she is polite and cordial, respond in kind. And if other shoe (or donkey) DOES drop, and she asks for money just say 'No'.

rainbow bright83's picture

In my experience the step daughter is closely related to the serpent. Keep your guard up for sure!

weekendwidow's picture

I completely agree with all of you. At least, now I know I'm not imagining things. Something smells really fishy. She's done this "you're the greatest" crap before. I'm not falling for it any more. I would love to be wrong here...but something tells me that I'm not. My DH on thd other hand is just over the moon with excitement at her "reaching out"...oh puh-lease. Wake ths heck up!

weekendwidow's picture

I think they're just hopeful. Who wants to admit they screwed up in raising a kid and created that monster? It's just too painful. So they blindly go through life because it's just easier.

Orange County Ca's picture

Take it at face value and carry a heavy duty umbrella as they may continue to fly. People change and so can she.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

LOL. Of course we're jaded that's why we are here. Been burned too many times, thinking skids are maturing, but nope more of the same more often than not.

Proceed with caution, don't get your hopes up, and time will tell is my advice.

Good luck.

rainbow bright83's picture

Its hard not to be jaded! Especially if your SO has made excuse after excuse as to why Skids does what they do. (in my case its always "they've had a f'ed up life cuz of their mom") And why would a Skid mature if their parent has never let them fall, experience the ups and downs we all have faced?

Rags's picture

When kids get out on their own and interface with peers they learn. At least most do. Some of their peers are far less mature and wise than they are and some of their peers are far more mature and wise. They learn valuable lessons from both.

Maybe your SD is maturing. Be cautious but engage. If she is on a true journey to mature then it will be time and effort well invested. If not, then the caution should minimize the impact on you.

It is a well known adage that children are amazed at how far their parents come from the time the kid is in their early teens until the kid is in their mid 20s. Maybe you are making those same strides as a Sparent. Wink Biggrin Dirol

omgsaveme's picture

DAmn Stepaside you have been posting very positive posts lately. I find every time I have tried to do something nice with SD, it always bites me in my ass so Im cordial and thats about it. I would get gifts for her or her children, not so much a thank you, and her being rude. I would tell DH to invite her to lunch or dinner, every time she was sneakily rude or snotty, and does this passive aggressive crap and again no thank you. The last few times Ive seen her, she's been better but still she always back tracks to being a snot. Ah well

weekendwidow's picture

Of course she COULD be maturing. It's always a thought in the back of mind. It's not the first time I've thought that though...so I am cautious. I would be more hopeful if this EXACT scenario didn't play out no less than 4 times previous to this time. It ALWAYS starts like this, we are hopeful, we welcome her back with open arms and then BAM she hates us again and everything sucks because her dad got remarried. Maybe this time is different, but my gut says no...I hope I am wrong.

sandye21's picture

Once I banned SD from my home because she was totally obnoxious, slamming doors in my face, saying horrible things about me to other people, saying and doing mean things to me, treating me like I was invisible, etc., etc. That last a couple of years. Then DH assured me she would behave. At first she was very nice but it was very short lived. It was no time at all and she was actually worse than she had been before. But I waited quite a few years before banning her from my home again again. Please learn from me. If your gut says no, you should pay attention to it and be cautious. At the first sign of her hate returning take action.

omgsaveme's picture

In a perfect world….you can only sit and wait. A few months ago when SD had her baby, we went to hospital, brought gifts, and had what I thought, a nice visit. Shortly after that, she puts posts up on FB talking crap about me, then (although I have no proof know it was her) made a fake profile on a dating site and gave some guy my phone number (I'm guessing in an attempt to split me and DH up)

My DH knew it was bullshit, I was pissed but that pretty much sealed the deal I will never be her friend. When we first started dating, she tried setting him up with her friend and the list goes on and on. Im like you…..whenever you think these SDs are growing up and maturing, they can only prove you wrong. Just keep going on about your business, hopefully she does grow up.

omgsaveme's picture

Ya I member my DH coming home proud cause SD had her DD for two weeks straight …….and then it went right back to her dumping her kid off on anyone who would take her. LOL