Does it sound to like skid really "doesn't want" to come here??
During a fight (where dh claimed I've put skid through a lot more than he's ever put me through-like WHAT exactly?? Not rolling the red carpet for skid to stomp on me???) dh and I revisited a conversation he'd had with skid who's serving prison time. Asked skid about plans after prison and skid said it wouldn't work out for him to come to our house becuase he and I dont get along. And apparently in THAT conversation is when skid had said I don't think he's changed and dh told him "well prove her wrong." What difference would that make anyway???? Skids comment about it not working out and me and him not getting along sounds like a ploy to throw me under the bus for not wanting him here, and to make it sound like he didn't wanna come here. Just didn't do a good job of it because it seems to me that if he really didn't think it was the best idea to come here it wouldn't matter if skid and I were besties. He doesn't stand the best chance of success camping out in someones home and getting all comfy instead of busting his butt getting on his feet and becoming independent. Aside from all that by the time he gets out I'm likely to be in full-blown menopause so the last thing I wanna deal with is HIM up my butt 24/7 on top of that.
So what do you guys think skids real motives likely were behind the "wouldn't work to come here becuase her and I don't get along" comment?
It's a way for him to put
It's a way for him to put feelers out, to see if him coming there would actually be an option. Your DH kind of fell for it by saying, "Well, prove her wrong," as if there might be a chance of you two "getting along" and him staying there.
It's just a manipulative tactic. It's like telling someone that you think that they don't like you, hoping that they will then feel bad and bend over backwards to prove that they do like you.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
Even if skid majorly changes
Even if skid majorly changes (which I believe is possible but I am not going to be convinced until he's been out of prison for a year) it doesn't mean I'd be ok with him living here. That's part of the reason I am not interested in "getting along" with him. I have a feeling skid would claim that since everything is "all better" then OF COURSE I should HELP prison baybee. No. Prison baybee can go to a reentry program. I'm not willing to be punished just because a judge telling him he was looking at prison time if he didn't obey the law (suspended sentence) wasn't enough of a wakeup call.
Oh, I don't care if I were to
Oh, I don't care if I were to get along with him for 3 years and he completely reformed, doesn't mean I would let him live with me.
He is trying to manipulate his dad into manipuating you.
He needs to just deal with the consequences of his actions. When he gets out, he can go to a halfway house or whatever. The last thing he will need, is more coddling by family members (like your husband).
He's an adult. Why live with
He's an adult. Why live with dad and stepmom anyways? You're out of prison and you've changed? Good, time to join the rest of the world and make a life for yourself.
He's gone for at least 3
He's gone for at least 3 years, probably more like 6. Refuse to even talk to DH about it. Why is he talking about how much his son has changed in prison when HE HASN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO PRISON YET!?
Hopefully by then, you'll be fed up with DH's enabling and living somewhere else anyway. I have to say, and I don't mean to be harsh - you say you are done with this skid, but you spend an awful lot of time talking to DH about him and thinking about him. Stop letting him have space in your head.
He IS in prison. That info is
He IS in prison. That info is right in the post. Maybe I keep talking to dh about it because I'M DAMN SICK OF HEARING ABOUT HIM FROM DH. I'm DAMN SICK of havibg to hear about a grown-ass man who can't figure out how to rent an apartment, or get a freaking life, and always trying to think of ways to keep him from trying to breastfeed off me. I'm DAMN SICK of no matter what skid does IT'S ME who's the bad guy. I'm DAMN SICK of the package deal speech but yet I've NEVER been allowed to have an opinion, have to fight to be heard, and I'm supposed to lay down and smile while skid stomps on me. I can't exactly trust dh at this point to think logically so I have to look out for myself. There are others who post more than I do but yet he's in MY head so much?? Riiiight. Pretty sure this is a venting forum.
If he just got sentenced, he
If he just got sentenced, he's not in prison. He's in jail. He will now be transported to prison (unless he was already in prison and got more charges while in prison). You start off in jail and go to prison once your sentence is more than a certain length of time. Prison and jail are not the same, by a long shot.
He is in your head way more than he should be, IMO. Just tell DH NO, he's not moving in your house when he gets out, and be done with it. Be the bad guy. Not one of us would allow our felon skid to move into our homes, so don't overthink it.
I'm not insulting you, I'm giving you permission to stop thinking about this punk.
I said he's in prison. That
I said he's in prison. That means he is. I posted about his sentencing MONTHS AGO. I know that prison and jail aren't the same thing. Maybe he is in my head more than he should be but I have a lot of feelings (namely resentment) to work though. There is no way to work through those feelings without thinking of skid.
My apologies, I just read a
My apologies, I just read a thread about his sentencing, maybe it was from months ago, and I thought it just happened.
I still don't really understand why you can't just tell your husband that you don't want this skid to live in your home. He's not reasonable to expect you to do that, and everyone is telling you that.
So give yourself a break and just tell DH to drop it - instead of trying to decide what the skid means when he says he doesn't want to live there - say GREAT, because I don't want him here either. That's settled.
I can tell him that until the
I can tell him that until the cows come home, but until he sees the light he's still going to attempt to let him come if he feels skid "needs" it. What he's too stupid to see is that I have veto power.
I can tell him that until the
I can tell him that until the cows come home, but until he sees the light he's still going to attempt to let him come if he feels skid "needs" it. What he's too stupid to see is that I have veto power.
And you DO have veto power
It sounds like your DH won't let up because he figures if he can be the squeaky wheel eventually you will give in. Just stay strong. Stronger than DH. If you have to repeat "No" 50,000 times, do it. You are already the heavy so why worry about it. Embrace it. When DH comes to you with the B.S. the SS says he doesn't think you can get along, agree with him, "He's right. We probably wouldn't get along", and end the conversation. If DH comes to you about how SS "needs it", tell him to let the professionals handle it and send him to a place he can get the tools to become a responsible adult.
SK
Just needs a place to flop. Someone to paid his bills, buy his food. And give you a hard time because SO is not giving him enough money. He did not change. If he change it’s for the bad not the good. Prision does not change people to the good. Just make them better druggies, liens, and thief’s
i would not want anybody in my home who spend 3 to 6 years in prison. He not going to change for the better. Prison does not make better, people, This is a HILL to DIED ON
This is really about your
This is really about your ahole husband. Your dh’s actions and words are disgusting.
SS34 has “only” been to juvie and jail, but my DH made it crystal clear that SS could NEVER spend a night with us even if he was homeless. A decent man at least tries to protect his wife. You are right - he does not respect you.
If you don't want SS there no
If you don't want SS there no matter what, just say no and stop discussing it. The more you discuss it, the more your husband will think it's open to negotiation.
"Prove SM wrong" was a good response from your husband. It was encouraging to SS and it means your husband isn't giving him a free pass -- he's saying, "PROVE IT." That's good -- he's telling SS he doesn't get a pass without showing, proving, he's changed. Your husband is walking a fine line between you and his son, who he wants to rise to the occasion.
None of that matters, though. You don't want SS there, so stop worrying about why, who said what, etc. You just need to keep SS out, so concentrate on that and don't worry about who the bad guy is. As long as you aren't personally talking to SS, you can't control their conversation. The only message you need to worry about is the one telling your husband SS may not live there.
He didn't really mean skid
He didn't really mean skid (not SS, trust me) would have to reall prove anything. Everything else he says shows that he think skid is completely reformed already. I agree with that the more its discssed the more dh may think its up for negoatiation. I do feel it matters who said what cuz I'm trying to stay ahead of skid and his manipulative sneaky tactics.