i have been with DH for 10 1/2 yrs. he is 10 yrs older than me. we have been married for 8 yrs. 

i have 3 grown children i raised on my own. their father beat me black & blue. he was a drug addict. he would disappear & come back & beat me. the police arrested him. he was going to be released because of jail overcrowding. i was terrified. i took the children, packed my little car & ran away. i would work 2 jobs. i kept them happy. we were happy. we were poor but we were together & happy. my youngest is now 25. they all went to college. it was a struggle. but i was happy. then i met DH. i thought he was great. he was a widower. he courted me. we got married after 2 yrs. it went quickly. his kids are adults. the oldest is selfish, in his 40s. the middle one is daddy's girl. she's married with 3 kids but acts like she is a single mom. her husband leaves for work at 4am and comes home at 7pm so she cries the blues. she does not work. the youngest has been arrested for drugs, theft. she stole his car. she is now married to her 2nd husband. she cheated on 1st husband when he was in Afghanistan. she has 3 kids. she has had CPS called on her 4X. the kids' school called cps on her. she took them out of school and is "home schooling" them. the neighbors called CPS on her too. just giving you a small idea of what they are like. when i first met DH he told me his wife died of liver failure after a transplant. i just found out she died of cirrhosis of the liver, that she was an alcoholic. my sister in law told me the 1st wife started drinking at 10am and would be totally blitzed by noon every day. i have also figured out that DH is a narcissist. it's all about appearances. he is a control freak. i cannot even wash a load of clothes in the washing machine. he will stop the machine and take the clothes out to see what i am washing. if i am looking for a bucket to wash the floors, he asks me what i need a bucket for. i can go on and on. he searches my coat pockets. he searches my car. i don't do anything. i just go to work, come home, and god forbid if i am 3 minutes off. if he texts me,i have to answer right away. he wil blow up my phone. i have come to consider my phone an electric leash.

none of his kids get along.

his youngest daughter lives down south. she does not work. she has 3 kids, 4, 6 & 15. the last time she was here, she stole money from my son. she stole from me. she stole DH meds. she cheated on her 1st husband. she got caught on a website for cheating married people. she accused me of setting the account up for her. DH actually called me at my job to question me about it. 

Now she wants to come here for a visit without her kids and husband. She does not talk to me. She calls me names. 

I am waiting for $ from a lawsuit so i can leave. i am somewhat disabled. I want to leave & try to be happy and start over and just forget about these past 10 years of hell. 

my mother tells me to stand my ground and not leave everything. she told me to just hire an attorney and sue for half of everything. another factor is that DH is in health issues & is ten years older than me. if i leave, he will divorce me for abandonment. 

i don't want his daughter here in this house. i am totally stressed. she wants to leave her husband and kids to come here. she told her father she needs to "clear her head". also, we only have 1 car. DH used to have a truck but he failed to take care of it and sold it for parts. i sometimes believe he did this intentionally so he can have more control over me. now if his daughter comes, she will want to use my car. my car is ten years old and i take very good care of it. i am very proud of my car. it is old, it was cheap but i keep it very clean inside & out and everyone remarks how nice it looks. my car is like my only refuge. it's like my freedom with my music & stuff. 

i am just so very unhappy. i have gained so much weight. i used to laugh so much with my kids. i sat here today and could not remember the last time i laughed out loud. my kids were my life. they are all working hard & have stable relationships. i am very proud of them.

i want to leave, surrender and just walk away with just my dog and cats. my mother says stay and fight because i've put up with so much for over ten years. i don't know what to do. if his daughter shows up here, i want to just pack and leave and say, you win. 

i'd rather live under a bridge with my pets and be homeless than continue with this constant barage of abuse. 

would you stay and fight and hang in there until you got your lawsuit money (it might be another six months) or woud you just pack and leave & walk away with nothing until your money comes?

i cry constantly. i used to laugh. DH makes me feel fat, old and stupid. that's another thing. i am pretty smart. i used to work in a nice office with plenty of professionals. i went into the medical profession & am very happy at my job. i go to work and hate coming home.  i'm not stupid. 

i can go on forever. i'm so very sorry this is so long. i just dont know what to do. i want to leave. i've had enough. my brothers both like my DH. he has them fooled. my mother says stay & fight & not leave my home. i dont know.............