Do any of you have one SD that despises you and one who loves you to bits?
So I have one SD that as you are all aware from my many posts 
seems to despise me. Has a history of hostility, abusive behavior towards me, to my things, worked very hard to destroy the relationship I have with DH, and even DH's entire family. Total extortion from her - the old 'it's me or it's her' ultimatum.
Clearly seems to hate the ground I walk on. My YSD, well she practically kisses it! She is respectful, affectionate, tells me she loves me all the time. Has told me I'm not only the best thing that ever happened to her father, but one of the best things that ever happened in her and her sister's lives as well 
while her older sister would never do anything as polite and mature as acknowledge a birthday of mine (while expecting I fall over backwards for her of course) my YSD who lives out of town goes to the trouble of having a beautiful gift couriered to my front door on the day, calls and calls until she can reach me to say in person Happy B Day, love you so much. And the card, totally full of thank you's for "always being so sweet and supportive, can't wait to see you, etc.. etc..."
So, I'm thinking how is this even possible these girls are sisters? Related in any way :? The attitudes are so extreme
Just wondering if anyone else is in the situation and while I guess I understand it can be that way, even in intact families with bio-parents, still wondering your thoughts on really all that goes in to these differing attitudes towards the exact situation
I think it happens more then
I think it happens more then we think. In the beginning years with my DH, the youngest SD (from 7 to 15) was so incredibly close to me and also told me that she loved me and sometimes would even call me Mom. The oldest one (from 10 to 18)wanted nothing to do with me, I mean she did her best to mind me but it was so hard for her. She hated the idea of her Dad with someone other then her BM. Well the roles have reversed now that they are adults. I am completely disengaged from SD (now 19) due to things that have happened and now SD22 and I are really close. We talk almost daily. She has really grown into a good young lady. She has so many traits like her father which surprises the hell out of both DH and I as we both thought older SD was going to be our trouble maker and younger SD was going to be a good girl. Its like over night they swapped or something.
If the one that hates you and disrespects you and especially if they are an adult (not sure what ages you are working with here) I would look into disengaging. Its hard to do and I am learning as I go, only the first year for me but I had to do it for my own sanity and for our bio young daughters and DH. SD19 broke our family for a while.
Nope just the one who would
Nope just the one who would like me gone. Must be sort of good to have a good one to balance it out? Does it also create and awareness with the father of the difference between good behaviour and bad behaviour?
yup....I actually have two
yup....I actually have two that cannot stand me (even though at one time, as long as I didn't correct them, they adored me) and one that actually chose me to write about in an assignment where she had to write about her "hero". Kiss it, BM. Unfortunately, at this time, she's being punished for her BM and sisters' behavior, lies and drama. I miss her, and she has repeatedly told her dad and my youngest child that she misses all of us. But I know that she is relentlessly questioned and harassed after being in my home. I'm just done with all of them.
That's hard igiveupsotornup
That's hard igiveupsotornup
Funny how that happens though...
My DH and I first starting seeing each other it was YSD that was standoffish with me
DH's eldest seemed to really like and accept me and no on could believe it (based on her past history of hating DH's ex-girlfriend as well as BM's SO) I was the first step-parent she seemed to really like and get along with. And I really liked her too. She was a confident girl who was well-read on many subject, could have a great conversation with on almost any topic
My YSD was shy and as DH said, always lived in her older sister's shadow. DH felt YSD always felt second-best and then when I came along she was bumped to third. Funny, I can so relate to that now!
But as things turned out, YSD grew closer to me. YSD was careful to be the exact opposite of her sister. As DH's eldest got older she became just as angry and resentful about my presence in DH's life as she had with DH's girlfriend before me, and to this day BM's SO
YSD did the opposite, where DH's eldest was non-forgiving of her parents divorce, YSD's opinion was that if it wasn't working out why stay together.
DH's eldest hates her SF and also me her SM, YSD is accepting of both her myself and BM's SO
Funny how the roles reversed...although even during YSD's worst stages she was never near the nightmare H's eldest has been
We were so shocked at the
We were so shocked at the change that happened between my two step daughters because the oldest one could not get past the divorce and did not want another woman with her dad at all. She was mean and blunt with me from 10 to 16. From 16 to 18 I think she just realized there was nothing she can do about it and then once she moved out of the house it was like our relationship just kept getting better through out time.
My youngest SD I loved her like a daughter almost immediately. The very first time she met me we were attached at the hip not kidding. Behind her mother and her big sisters back she would sneak out the word mom to me and I would tell her its ok to just call me by my name but she insisted and I let her. Then at the age of 15 things went down hill. She is now 19 and has nothing to do with us..we fought a 4 year battle with her and drugs. We finally let go last June to minimal contact and then since August it has been no contact. she is very toxic. We tried everything to help her. Supposedly she is off drugs now due to being pregnant but still wants nothing to do with us. This was the one who had major plans for life, college, marriage, all that stuff we would talk about. She was the one that cried happy tears at our wedding.
It has been a battle for me but for the sake of my husband, my health and most importantly my 2 bio daughters that we had during our 12 years together, I had to let go. I am done, it hurts still but really I truly don't want her back..too much damage has been done. We lost her, our first grandchild, my health, the damage and hurt it costed her big sister and her little sisters, and now DH's family who she is now finding her way to use them and they are falling for it so we have lost a lot.
It still shocks us that they switched like that. Our oldest is doing really well in college, a very hard worker, and really good to her dad and I and especially her little sisters.
Hi Freshstart, it does help
Hi Freshstart, it does help to balance it somewhat....but never enough when dealing with the sheer hatefulness and destruction causes by DH's eldest.
There are so many hard feelings and scars everyone in DH's family along with DH and myself of course now have. It even puts a damper on the sweetness of YSD. So much lost as a result of it all
And there is the constant threat of DH's eldest PASing SGS against DH as she does with me.
If only you could keep one
If only you could keep one and drop the other!. My SD18 has her mate around and I wanted to hold on to the mate not the SD.