Disengaging is hard, but so worth it
I have been disengaged for well over 4 years. It really saved our relationship and our marriage.
A few month's ago DH was scheduled to go for a hospital appointment to have an xray. I was working away, but made sure that I had return the night prior to his appointment to pick him up from the hospital. DH decided that he would go to work and then go to the hospital. I would then pick him up as he may need to have a numbing injection. We had planned that I should pick him up at 1pm.
Can you imagine my horror, when I woke up to a text by SS33, who had decided to take the initative to make a whatsup group of me, DH and all skids. The text was polite and straight to the point. He wanted to know how his Dad was and if I can keep them abreast of things. NOW, this particular SS, I have totally disengaged with. I have had enough of his disrespect and rudeness. In the past whenever, I had text him, whether about his father, Christmas greeting, Birthday greeting or whatever he never ever responded. After 4 years of being on "get all the skids on board campaign" I stopped texting him and only text the skids that wanted a relationship with me.
My response: I got up, did my usual morning meditation, grabbed a cup of coffee. Then happily exited myself from the group. I made no comment at all. My husband knowing that I would not respond, had replied and confirmed that all was well. My take on this; I just do not want to be involved in his circus ever again. Any contact with SS33 always ends in drama. I am sorry, he does not get to have a relationship with me on his terms. Meaning, he ignores me when he sees me, then adds me to a group when he want info about his Dad. Sorry ask your respectful, friendly siblings who would be kept up to date by the minute!
This is the beauty of disengaging, you eventually get to the absolute freedom of not giving a damn. DH did not say a word. I know everyone in the whatsup group were notified that I had left the group. DH had this disapproving look about him, but did not dare say a word. I wished he had. I had his verbal medicine waiting for him. Had he not talked about me to SS33, allowed him to disrespect me for so long, while he denied and defended him, I would not have had to disenagaged to protect myself. This always shuts him up as he knows it is true.
I am on a roll ... Anyone else with fun disengaging stories !