Disengagement from Skids you never see??
Hello everyone. I'm wondering if any of you have needed to disengage even from skids you never see. My SO and I have been together for 18 months and our relationship is very good. We have no issues with my children (ages 24, and 19) or his son/my SS (aged 19).
However SD (aged 21) is another story. I've only seen her 3 times in 18 months for a total of 20 minutes. She does not welcome my presence in her life and that's OK. She almost never sees her Dad or brother. Because SO rarely sees her (made worse by covid), she's not a factor in our daily lives and lives a couple of hours away. This sounds like it should be ideal/good enough, right? WRONG - at least for me. She consistenly abuses and guilts her father. Dramatic texts like "I don't want to talk to you for a month because you're tied to so much pain in my life" and a few weeks after that he got a 3 page email about all the ways he failed her as a parent. (A list of petty things like... you made me finish the softball season when I was 10, or untangibles like "you never understood me"). When he pushed back a bit saying he disagreed and didn't deserve to be treated this way, she said she never wants to talk to him again. So much drama. Of course if they never speak again, that's fine by me, but of course he won't give up that easily so he keeps trying to "fix" things with her.
Back story here is important. He divorced his wife (BM) after she refused to get help with her alcoholism. After years of trying to help her, he had to give up. Throughout their childhood, he was the stable parent. Provided a good home, is loving and generous, coached sports, celebrated birthdays, all the stuff you'd expect a good parent to do -- he did them all. After the divorce, BM continued with her drinking and medication issues and "accidentally" overdosed on pills and alcohol, and died. That was about a year ago.
So after years of being a good parent, and years of trying to help BM get her act together, he finally left and the divorce was mutual. BM wanted it too. But he continued as a good Dad after the divorce and when BM died and has tried hard since then to make sure everyone is OK. SS is doing well with the loss and getting on with his life. SD seems to have decided my SO is to be her punching bag while she struggles with her mental health. She has a counselor and is on a couple of meds.
Eventhough I never see this Skid, she's making me miserable. I'm losing sleep worryng about what she'll do next and how it might impact him and us. I hate watching my SO have to take this. He's a good guy and this brings him to tears everytime we talk about it. I don't know if I can watch this continue any longer. It breaks my heart and I keep thinking I don't want this SD anywhere near me or my family.
So, have any of you been successful at disengaging just from the emotions of it all? If yes, do you and your partner just never discuss the skid in question? Have you successfully put it out of your mind and been able to forget about it for the most part? Her behavior is just so ridiculous and unfair I have a very hard time letting it go.
Appreciate any thoughts or similar experience stories.