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Disengaged, but how to visit???

2Tired4Drama's picture

My SO has a bright idea to go and visit SD, her husband and grandson in a few months.  He plans to stay at their home for a few days and then we could do an extended camping/road trip back home afterwards.  (This is all dependent upon Covid situation, of course.)

My problem is this: I am disengaged from SD and do NOT feel comfortable staying in her home. I always thought that if we ever wound up in their area for a visit, we would stay in a hotel and I could cut out whenever I needed to, or just stay in the hotel and let him "bond" with SD and family on his own. 

When he broached this visit with me, I flat-out said that I did not find this appealing and would not feel welcome in her home. Of course, he pooh-poohs that as though I'm the one with a problem for even suggesting I wouldn't be welcome there.  (Can we say "gaslighting"?)   

I have zero relationship or contact with SD.  If I were to suggest the same thing to my SO (Eg. "Let's go stay with these people I know who have made it for more than 15 years that they don't like you!") he would absoultely refuse to do so.  And I wouldn't blame him nor would I push the issue.

So I'm just trying to strategize here and figure out what my options are. Don't want to make too big a deal of it right now since we aren't even sure if the trip will be possible in a couple of months.  Right now, I am of the mindset that we will stay in a hotel when in her area - or I won't go on the trip, period.  


Rags's picture

Go, book a spot for yourself at the nicest hotel/spa in SD's area and you stay there while DH wallows in his gene pool.  Do not debate, just do it. And you keep the vehicle. Drop him off at SD's and pick him up the AM you are to leave on your return camping trip home.

Keep it simple.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Rags is 100% correct.  Doing anything else is just reengaging, like it or not.  Being around her will only upset you and put you back to square one.  Make the hotel reservation now.