Disengaged but forced to socialize
Forums:
what do I do? Tomorrow is a funeral for a family friend that passed recently. I feel selfish even asking this when the day should be about this woman we all adored, but how am I expected to behave around SD when I’m newly disengaged?
She’s the type of person that doesn’t take a hint and will act as if nothing has happened in order for everyone else to think we have this perfect life and family dynamic. Do I need to suck it up for the day to respect our friend? I am struggling with the thought and stress of it all and feeling selfish, but also angry that I’ve been brought to the point to feel this way about SD too.
Thoughts?
Make the day about your
Make the day about your friend, not SD. If she greets you, say hello back. And that's all. Ignore how SD acts. She cares what other people think , which is why she acts like she has a perfect life. I feel sorry for people like that.
You treat her like a coworker
You treat her like a coworker you dislike: be polite. Period. Dot.
Be polite but cool with SD.
Be polite but cool with SD. Greet her but do not converse with her. I hope the day goes well.
Stay cool around your SD. I
Stay cool around your SD. I go thru this, it gets easier.
Give your thoughts to the woman you are there for. Let your mind remember her, think about the good times with her, and only think about why you are there. It will go ok.
Don't give your SD a thought. People eventually see her for what it is, if you let the drama go and move forward with no response. Stay disengaged mentally.
Don't stress over what you have no control over, which is how your SD acts, or says. Just treat her like a stranger and stay civil. These times are never easy, but let me tell you, they get much easier, especially when you rid her of your thinking. Not easy, but possible.
Hugs, sorry for your loss.
Speak back if spoken to, but
Speak back if spoken to, but not another thought -if possible. If DH chooses to stay around her too long and the conversation goes back south, walk off and go home alone (tell him ahead of time, so if he finds you missing he will know, lol). You have to protect yourself and prepare to do so-- if/when you cannot count on daddeee.
I'd rather enjoy calling Uber to get away from it all....walk in the door and celebrate with a glass of wine.
I totally understand how you
I totally understand how you feel. Focus on your friend and your DH. Be polite with SD. Have a plan formulated that if SD starts to take up too much of your time or monopolizes DH, you will go talk with someone else you know. Or step outside for fresh air. Or whatever. But don’t stand around and stew—take care of yourself.
My DH and I always remind each other that we need to check in when we’re in social situations. I have been left out and felt abandoned so many times when he is so enamored with his adult children. He didn’t realize how badly I felt so no matter the occasion we always circle back to each other. It helps. And I’ve learned to be less dependent on him, even for his family’s events.
Wanted to update everyone
The service was beautiful and I tried to avoid conflict with SD and be cordial if spoken to. However she did find DD15 and unload on her about how she’s never invited over and nobody in the family ever tells her the important things going on any more ( can’t imagine why) which threw me into a rage but all I did is confront DH about it and told him to handle it.
I still can’t wrap my mind around how someone can be so toxic but thinks that everyone else is the problem.
Thank you all for the hugs and advice, finding ST was the best thing I ever did.
Good for you!!!
" -- all I did is confront DH about it and told him to handle it." What did he do? And what does DD think of SS?
I believe he is going to write her a letter
SD is notorious for stomping her way out of a room and leaving completely if someone is confronting her and she doesn’t like it and he wants to make sure to get all of the details of what he’s been feeling about the wedges she’s driving between the entire family.
DD is pretty bulletproof I’m proud to say and she lets SD and her nonsense roll off her back but of course if given the choice she’d like to never be near her and forced to converse with her. DD isn’t my DHs so that’s always been touchy too but he has finally seen enough to know someone has to do something about it and I’ve often told DH at this point her H needs to take the reins but her H is her biggest enabler major so DH feels resentment towards them both at the moment.
For the time being im perfectly happy having no involvement in any of it and a letter from DH will not allow SD to point to the evil stepmomster as the cause.
Of course the day should be
Of course the day should be about your friend. Though you should take no shit from SD if she tries it.
Be ready with some low level corrections if SD pulls her u sual crap. "This isn't about you SD. Tone your crap down." Delivred in a low voice.