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DH Decided to Call the GTB To Get the Scoop - He is Sorry He Did

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Some of you here had suggested that we contact the GTB etc. and find out the real story.  For some strange reason unbeknowst to me DH decided to do that today. The outcome was not good.

I haven't gotten all the details but it seems that there was an awful lot of nasty talk about us and ultimatums given if we were invited.  DH said he needed to get out a bit and settle down.  He is quite upset about what he heard.

As I said, Twit rules the roost PERIOD.  I guess, according to the GTB Twit told the BTB that I had said some pretty nasty things about her.  Due to that, Twit said I shouldn't be invited.  Guess the BTB, not knowing that I did no such thing was furious at me and apparently still is.

Oh, I am so PISSED (there I used the real word) right now.

Evidently Twit passed these untruths to the BTB and needless to say the GTB doesn't know what is going on.  Heaven forbid he would think for a moment his sainted Mommy would make up stories.

NOW maybe, just maybe DH will get ahold of her and tell her off for good once and for all.

There is more to this but I am stunned as to what was going on.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

DH needs t leave the sleeping Twit alone because this is what happens when one tries to find out what is going on.  The woman has a cruel lying mouth.

hereiam's picture

Apparently, the BTB doesn't have Twit's number yet. Poor thing has no idea what she is in for!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

This bad mouthing is typically Twit.  You would not believe the things she says, makes up, about others.  Especially vicious if you do not do what she wants.

I pretty much gave DH an ultimatum about this Carp.  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!  Now here I am feeling bad because of something I never said or did.  Yeah, that old parochial school guilt can sneak back in.

I told DH that the time to do what he just did was months before.  AND asked him what he is going to do about Twit now.  Is he going to continue to let her pollute our lives.  I actually told him I was tired of CRAZY and Twit IS CRAZY and I want her out of my  life totally.  PERIOD.

I bet part of the reason he went out for a walk on tis is that he knows I am going to say a lot about this carp.

Survivingstephell's picture

I think that you just need to get an address for the newlyweds and send a nice present and drop the rest of it.  No need to get roped into more drama.  I highly doubt you can get your named cleared now.  Let the bride and her family experience Twit in all her glory and a few years down the road, she will understand her MIL.  Then you might get a chance to clear your name.  

The smear campaign sucks, I am also a victim of one.  There just comes a time that you stop trying to fix it and let it all go.  Sane people usually pick up on the crazy ones.  They are states away and can't do you any harm with you current surroundings and people.  Now if she starts taking full page ads out about you and her father and how rotten you are, then you have a big problem to deal with, right now you just have verification that she has smeared you name to family.  The very fact that Twit's familiy will not be at the wedding will speak louder than you ever could.  

Enjoy LV as Karma works its magic.  It will come soon enough.  Don't throw unneccessary energy at this.  IMO

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

You are right and I thank you.  I am just speachless and really teed off at DH for his even calling the GTB at this late date.  He wasn't going to the wedding.  IMHO DH is the one that stirred up this hornets nest for me.

Sometimes men are STUPID.

It is going to take awhile to cool down because no one likes to have their name smeared unjustly.  Heck, we can all do a good enough job on our own :<)

I recall now that the Good Stepdaughter said something to this effect and it was one of the reasons why she blew Twit off.  She knows what Twit is and what she does.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

As far as sending a present, that is something else the GTB said to DH, they would appreciate cash as they have pretty much everything they need!!

To which I say, the h*ll with them, all they are getting from me is a decent card.  Let's face it, I'm not going to see them again or have anything to do with them, what do I care.

still learning's picture

On one hand it's upsetting that twit would poison her son and future wife against you and his grandfather, then you have to realize that GTB is twits child and drama is all he knows.  It's good that DH talked to him directly but GTB is really just another version of twit.  Rather than trying to mend things he asked for cash, I think that tells you all you need to know. 

It's useless trying to fight these smear campaigns, attempting to prove that you really are a good person. Sadly twit believes every lie she tells apparently the GTB and BTB do to, it's their fault for dabbling in the drama.  Let them have their wedding with only one side of the family there.  Don't contribute a cent to their wedding or even a card since you're such a "nasty" person.  Save the money for Vegas and have fun!  

sandye21's picture

"Rather than trying to mend things he asked for cash, I think that tells you all you need to know."  Spot on Still Learning, and I agree - don't send a penny.  If you really feel you have to send anything send a note that a donation was given in their name to the Humane Society.

Don't know if the other people on this site feel the same way but I am pizzed about this.  You do not owe one millisecond of your time to Twit or her family.  DH can speak with her on his own cell phone, away from your hearing distance.  Twit should be forbidden to call or visit your home.  You should not have to listen to one more thing from DH about Twit - not even once.

Then, on that note, go to Las Vegas knowing you have won big time because you are done with Twit.  Period.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Sandye, I am confused because just a few weeks back Twit actually wanted me to go to the wedding with DH etc.  I remember how sweet she sounded on the answering machine (which I did not for a moment believe).  Can you imagine me going back there and having to deal with all the Twit sh*t she has spread about me?

sandye21's picture

SDM, You are doing the right thing by insisting no more mention of and no more influence from Twit.  She laid the  ground work for it - and she knows just what she has done.  No matter what you do, you can not win with Twit.  If you would have gone to that wedding it would have been horrific for you.  You will be blamed for any inconveniences, any problems that arise because Twit has already let everyone know how awful you are.  If you don't go, you will be blamed because Twit DID ask you to go EVENTUALLY - you couldn't just swallow your pride and go when Twit demanded it.  The only way to win let her go and do not allow any mention of her in your home.

This is extreme mental abuse.  The only way to deal it now is to let DH handle his relationship with Twit on his own and not bother you with it.  Then pop some popcorn and wait for the show between the BTB and Twit.  Remember - she owns her children.  I doubt she will like the competition from the BTB for very long.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

You are so right on this.  I recall one of her triades to DH where she was all boo hooing because she doesn't want them to move back to Europe.  Seems the BTB intends to move back to her home country when her children are old enough for school and Twit was going crazy about how she would have to go overseas to see her grandchildren.

At the same time she was upset because, and here too she didn't talk staight out so for a while I didn't have a clue as to what she was speweling about.  Seems she was told she could have Christmas OR Christmas Eve, not both and she is use to the babies coming home for the whole holiday.  She had a funny way of putting it that they had to have time to be with their friends and the BTB Mother could have Christmas Eve BUT she THE TWIT wanted Christmas.  I doubt DH really understood it and it took me awhile to realize Twit had been put in her place about what to expect for Christmas and didn't like it.

Trust me, and I would bet the farm on this if I had one, Twit will find a way to keep them from moving far beyond her grasp whether it be somewhere else in the USofA or back in Europe.  She wants to keep her baby close.  That is sick especially when it is so easy to  keep in touch with the internet, etc.  But, as we know, it is all about CONTROL with Twit.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

You are all right and thank you.  I have had enough.  DH wants to send them a check and I have told him no way, no how.  I am done.  We moved over a thousand miles away from crazy and she still interfers with our life because DH feels sorry for her as she is his daughter.  To that I say BS.

I threw the answering machine out and am going to have the number changed.  I should not have to be here shaking because of all the Twit drama.

Right now, after my triade to DH about not giving the brats anything, DH is laying very  low, as well he should.

I am surpsied that no ST members can't look out their houses and see the smoke coming out of my ears.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

DH and I are in discussions now about the situation.  As I pointed out to him, and I know he didn't like it, DRAMA seems to be the big thing with Twit.  H*ll, there was one point in this wedding fiasco where Twit called crying to DH that she didn't think her and her hubby were going to be invited to this wedding!!  Of  course that was carp, I know it, you know it and DH certainly had to know it was just a ploy looking for sympathy, she was once again the VICTIM, poor her.

This is going to be a rough day as we get through things.  He has to understand that CRAZY cannot keep invading our lives.  I don't need drama, lies, threats, etc.  I need to be able to deal with people who when you ask them to join you for, say, a meal, don't go through dramatics about how well, they don't know, it depends, will le you know the third blue moon of the month of February, etc.

People like DH's other daughter and my DD who you suggest something to and are able to make a decision about whether they want to do it or not, or can't etc.  Not go through weeks, months of agony waiting for an answer.  And then, if you do it without them get peeved that you did so.  That stuff is control and crazy making.

I explained to DH I paid to move us over a thousand miles away from crazy and I do not want to deal with it any more.  I am tired of having to deal with it and hearing the lame, insane excuses about why I shouldn't feel that way, etc.

Been there, done that and IT HAS TO STOP!

sandye21's picture

You've told DH you do not want to hear about Twit at all.  After what you have recently discovered, and the fact that he took so much time to call his Grandson to get to the bottom of the issue, he should honor your wishes.  If he brings up Twit or any of her family or the wedding again, tell him you don't want to hear it - not one thing.  For your sanity you need to remove all influence of Twit from your mind and your life.  She simply does not exist to you anymore.  If DH chooses to remain in contact with Twit it will have to be on his own and away from earshot.  If he wants to send them anything it will be out of his own money and he will take care of it completely on his own.

As hard as it is right now please do something special for yourself.  Buy some pretty blouse for Las Vegas.  I've found that journaling really helps.  At this point, you could probably start a best-selling book.  (((BIG HUGS)))

SacrificialLamb's picture

I agree with this. No more phone calls to a number where you can hear the message. Cancel your landline and tell your DH that she should only leave messages on his phone, and when she does, you do not want to hear about it. Let him manage the crazy.

Also, be thankful that you are not alone in the relational aggression where several others are acting poorly. You're not alone in this, given that so many others have problems with her. 

When she enters your thoughts, think of her like a beach ball and bounce her right out of your mind.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Thanks Sandye - I am peeved with myself for letting this get under my skin.  By this time I should have the hide of a rhino in regards to dealing with Twit.

As I say, dealing with friends and family should be relatively easy....someone invites, someone accepts and voila, people have a good time (yeah I know, not all families and not all the time, but generally).  Not this friggin game/drama playing that goes on with Twit.  Not only has she done it with the wedding, she did it with Drunkie  Drunkie was, well drinking, and all Twit could talk about was poor her, look what she deal with.  When help was offered she refused or claimed she had already tried it and it didn't work etc.  But, when she spews off about how she allowed Drunkie to continue to drink BUT SHE limited the amount he could drink, one knew it was all BS.  She had no intention of helping Drunkie as he was her claim to fame and pity.

I tend to be practical and things like that, thinking like that just does not make sense.

I am also teed that DH, by calling GTB at this late date, and hearing what he had to say; is playing right into the Twit's game plan.  I shouldn't let that bother me, but today it does.

still learning's picture

Twit made it personal when she lied to GTB and BTB about things you allegedly said. She and the almost marrieds also made it personal when they conviently "forgot" to invite you and DH to the wedding. It's ridiculous and unnecessary drama to try to gain control, sadly it all backfired on her.  DH is complicit in letting this go on for too long without reigning his daughter in.  It bothers you because you're a decent human being.  

sammigirl's picture

You will have days like this.  I have them also.  My SD57 came to town this weekend to SGD34's for 4 days.  SD has been in and out the past two days to visit DH, along with OSS59 and DIL; they all live out of State, therefore, do not come often.  They do not stay over night, they get hotel rooms.  As you are aware, DH is totally disabled, so the grown skids come to visit him in our home. 

OSS59 and SD57 and families have been in and out this entire weekend.  I do nothing.  I just relax and let them all visit.  I'm over it all, because I finally accepted the fact that my narcissistic SD57 is part of the package, but also I know how I handle my disengagement is my choice and not DH's nor SD57's.   I have always gotten along well with OSS59 and DIL.  They have always treated me well. 

My DH is totally responsible for her actions and has been told "it's not my problem, you created this mess, you handle it".  I just go about my business as makes me feel comfortable.  My home is not theirs, they have no misunderstanding.  This is my territory and my rules. 

Give the problem to you DH and let it go and move forward.  That said, you will still have bad days, I also have my times; usually when I know they are coming to visit, I get quite stressed, but am fine, once they walk thru the door.  My demeanor is so they know where they stand, in our home.  It is quite satisfying to watch SD stay in line, while visiting.

Don't be so hard on yourself, because you've had a bad day; just pass the responsibility to your DH.  Do whatever steps you need to keep Twit out of "your" life.  Change your phone, social media, whatever needs to be done.  This is what I have accomplished. 

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I know Iam talking too much, but I just don't understand how someone, the groom's mother in this case, makes such a big drama out of this wedding telling people they are invited, uninviting them, claiming that the couple are so bad she doesn't even know if her and her hubby are going to be invited and on and on.  Because, man, if the couple is doing all that then they are just as bat shit crazy as she is.  Just what the world needs.....not.

With Twit it is hard to tell what is reality or not.  Twit always bad mouths her BM and yet cries that the BM won't take her calls, etc. (the pity angle).  Well, the BM has all my sympathy and she is doing the right thing.

And Twit brags that one of her hubby's old navy buddies refuses to let HER come and visit them.  Her DH is welcome, but the wife won't have anything to do with Twit much less let her in her house.  When I asked Twit why it was, her response was that she didn't know.  Yeah, Right.  His other Navy buddy has them stay at a hotel when they visit him which also says a lot.  People just don't want to deal with crazy.  They obviously caught on to her much faster than I did.

Ispofacto's picture

If you are a Verizon customer, you can block numbers by accessing your account online, but you have to renew the block every 90 days.  Our landline is thru Vonage and we have GBM and Mealticket blocked permanently there.  Previously we had them permanently blocked on our Comcast landline.  If you can't disconnect or change your numbers, block them, and all anonymous callers.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Thanks....going to do that right away and not say anything to DH.  Let him be in peace without hearing from Twit.  Besides, we are going to Vegas in 2 weeks so when Twit really gets frantic no one will be around.

Tell me, do they let the unwanted caller know they have been blocked?

Ispofacto's picture

It depends on the carrier, you can google that for your carrier.  On comcast, I believe they were told calls were not being accepted, but on vonage i think it just rings and rings.

We can't block BM yet but she is only allowed to text, so I installed Mr Number on DH's cell, and set it to block phonecalls but allow texts.  Also, our landline phone suppresses the first ring on ALL calls until callerID generates, then it compares the callerID to our phone's phonebook blocklist, and suppresses the rings.  So BM is "allowed" to call our landline only, but it never rings when she calls.  She could leave a voicemail, but she refuses to do that, because she is The Queen, and voicemail is beneath her dignity, plus she knows she can't stop herself from saying something stoopid.  So she never gets to call SD.

Technology is your friend.