"DH, you have a code on your phone.  I could not get into it if I wanted to.  But check your blocks.  I'll wait."

Your husband is a jerk.

And, I'm dying to know what you said to her!

Document and record every thing, take pictures and record all conversations. You may need this information sooner than you expect, given the treatment by your husband. Take screenshots of all her texts to you...Prepare now....I would stop initiating any contact with a liar.

I am the vice president of a local no-profit art organization.  A few weeks ago I was accused of calling another person an obscene name.  I did not know the person's name or that the accuser was her teenage son, but he apparently, I said to him, "Your mother is a b*tch."  No matter how hard I tried to convince the President of the organization that I didn't do it, he believed the teenager and wanted me to resign from the board.

When I told him I was going to hire a lawyer to go to court for defamation of character, and that I was going to call for an audit of the organization, the president started back-peddling.  I added, "I would suggest you tell your buddies to knock it off."  This past week at the board meeting, I found out that a lot of illegal stuff has been going on with the funds.  There was another issue only I knew about, which would have effected the president's interaction with children.  I had innocently mentioned to him that I investigated this for another organization.

What I discovered is you simply can not allow people to slander you.  Period.  There was no logical way I could have told a teenager I never met that his mother, whose name I didn't know, "Your mother is a b*tch."  And there is no logical way you could have blocked SD from calling your DH.  As with the president of the art organization, your DH will never be on your side as long as you continually try to convince him that you didn't do it.  As hard as it may be, you are going to have to get tough and say, "Knock it off!".  Let DH know you will not longer put up with SD's efforts to beak up your marriage and will take legal action if needed.  This means possibly a restraining order or a cease and desist order.  Let him know you mean business and let him handle it however he chooses.  Then start saving for an exit plan so you can give him the choice of working on the marriage or leaving.  It simply is not worth it to stay with a man who works so much against you.

Good for you for standing up for yourself to the nasty SD. Sometimes it gets to the point where you just have to, especially if your DH won't. Sandye21 has some really good suggestions too.

I too have been accused by hateful adult steps from everything from goofing up their internet connection, to sending messages to them that DH wrote himself, to blocking their calls, the list goes on. Nothing gets me more annoyed than being accused of something I didn't do. For a very short time DH actually believed them and I had to stand up for myself and prove I didn't do whatever I was accused of. It was like being in the Twilight Zone. One day, DH and I were miles away from SD and she called DH screaming that I stopped their cable connection. He hung up the phone on her and found out later the connection was out temporarily because of some issue. The lengths these adult steps go to, ugh.

 I am glad your DH says he won't throw you under the bus and seems to have your back. 

Don't give that witch the time of day or anything she can use against you. Concentrate on your marriage and let her, SS and her husband bake in their misery together. 

Not sure, but there may be a way through your phone service provider online to access your phone account and check to see what texts were received. That way DH could see if any came in. I am not sure though if someone has their phone off that incoming texts may not show up. 

Hang in there. Maybe she will eventually give up once she realizes whatever she does won't break up your marriage or maybe she will grow up. 

I was going to bring up the same thing Tog mentioned, the point that your husband believed his daughter, that you somehow magically got into his phone and blocked his kids, even though he could see that they were not blocked. The fact that he did not believe you still remains.

Your DH needs to really understand that you want the worthless skid OUT OF YOUR LIFE totally.  That not only means that you do not see her, hear from her, etc.  You also do not want to even hear him mention her name.  She's not just dead to you she is non-existant in your world.

This is pretty much what I've done with SS34 and his trashy GF.  But it also means that I bite my tongue a lot and don't ever mention SS's name.  There are SO many times I could make a snarky remark about SS - but I don't.

What evidence does SD have of you blocking her calls?  None, or is it just that her daddy who is wrapped around her finger did not IMMEDIATELY JUMP when she beckoned? What else could it be but YOU?

I have followed your story for some time, and your relationship with your SD and DH has been similar to mine.  It built up in me for over a decade where I could not take it anymore. Seems like it is about the same with you.  I was ready to end my marriage over it, and my DH knew it, and everything finally getting out in the open finally caused things to move in the right direction.

Your SD has likely gotten frustrated that she has not run you off and that she does not have 100% control over her father. After all, how can she get at you if she has not seen you in 3 years?  Your SD could come up with nothing better than you being a liar.  I haven't seen mine in over 3 years either, poor thing I think has given up because there is nothing she can do to get at me. 

Your DH wanted you to hang up because he knew his life was about to get very complicated. After this display from his DD, how he is going to tell you this is all your imagination? DD has finally made it clear what she thinks of you. It's all in the open, and there is no going back to the land of denial for DH.

I think your DH is calm because he didn't have to be the bad guy, you were. This will help him save face with your SD, or he thinks.  My DH would not address anything with his princess because he was afraid of her punishment and cutting him out of her and the grandkids lives. And by golly, that is what she did when everything blew up like yours is now.

If you stay married, your SD will punish her father for not siding with her. My OSD has told her dad she needed counseling because he defended me and so many other silly things. She also said I was emotionally abusing him, because he defended me and that was one of the signs. When he said she had done things to hurt me, she said "but I am your daughter" as if that gave her permission to hurt me and daddy would giggle about it the way they did about Crazy BM.  The good thing was that it opened his eyes further to what she was really doing. He truly was clueless.  And therapy showed he was truly clueless.

My DH also tended to believe what OSD said in those days. He later said it was hard to admit he raised someone who turned out to not be a good person, that this person he raised would lie to him and also not care about his happiness.

I also gave my DH the same ultimatum and said we could end it.  Your DH needs to realize you did not sign up for abuse because you married SD's father. It ends now, if she contacts you again you will get a restraining order and have her arrested if need be. Don't back down; he needs to get clear the old days are over.

Even if you stay together, you have a hard road ahead.  And I second the suggestions that you speak to an attorney to find out your rights. You need to protect yourself, and you also need to send a message to your DH that the old days are OVER.

You must Disengage from SD.  She will never give you the right time of day.  So don’t talk, text, or write her.  She does not exist anymore.  No cooking, no taking, no buying  anything for her.  None of your money goes to SD.  You might have to separate bank accounts and you put in 1/3 him 2/3 of monthly bills.  

When ever SD name comes up, you ask “who”.?   Let SD and DH fight it out because you will never win the fight 

any of his kids with exwifes number, nor do they have mine. Any contact they do is between themselves and dad. I can’t be accused of anything by them.

i know hubbys passcode because he told me it before when needing help on his phone but he always says he has nothing to hide and i’m free to read his phone. 

Any crazy crap from his exwife, kids sk or his family he screenshots it to me or hands his phone over for me to read. 

Noone can accuse me of deleting/blocking messages because hubby knows i don’t do that. 

I always wondered other stepparents having phone numbers of their stepkids for emergencies but hubby left meout of that with the sk.

You are doing great- it should be possible for DH's to deal with their own kids in a grown-up way. You hit the nail when you said kids should be raised to have lives of their own and not be caught up in circle of dependence. TheX couldn't break out of the circle and I couldn't stay in it- so I admire you so much for sticking with it and beginning to square that circle a little. Well done.

You have defended yourself.  My SD57 wrote a two page hate email of lies about me, our marriage, and she even professed to bring up my dead bio sons future. 

I never responded to her; it was almost 5 years ago.  I printed it out and handed it to DH.  He did nothing, refused to apologize,  have her apologize, and later said everything she wrote was true.  It all came to me kicking DH out to her house, thus going down hill for them both.  I never said a word, i was so shocked; i still have never responded to SD57.   

Believe me the entire family regrets that email and the lies.  DH now knows that SD57  lied and was out of line.  I detest the entire situation and my SD , but also know that words would never, or ever fix it now, only action.

In my case "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". I discovered a side of myself I never knew was there.  They did as well.  

I am sorry you are experiencing this treatment.   It is totally unfair.  ((Hugs))).  I will never forget, I still have the email, my Attorney has it, and I am not a forgiving person.  Oh...no apology has ever come my way; it is still phony in my book.