Counselor set it Right Out There for H
So we go to counseling and H participates, but it is like pulling teeth. At the beginning of this session the counselor surprised me with what she did. She asked H how he would feel if someone would bring up his demise and wanting his stuff. H didn't answer so she rephrased it: How would you feel if SDM's daughter was always bringing up your death and what she was going to take from you when you died? H's response was that my daughter would never do something like that, but he wouldn't care for it. BINGO!
Okay, counselor says, then why would you feel it is okay for your daughter to talk to SDM like that about that?
Silence from H. Silence for a long time. At that time I chimed in about how bad it makes me feel etc. and how terrible I felt when, after I told her off, she ran crying to him and he told me to apologize to her right in front of her.
You could see that H didn't know what hit him.
He started telling her that Twit has some problems, etc., but she stopped him and asked why I should be the one to bear the burden of her problems. That people have to take responsibility for their own behavior.
H was, well, quite I don't know what word to use, shook, enlightened or ?? but we didn't go for coffee after as we usually do. He did call me yesterday and said he loved me and wanted to work things out and just didn't know what he should do with Twit. He sounded confused. I offered no solutions....he has to work it out. He knows how I feel.
Man, this is hard work.
Hopefully he now has some
Hopefully he now has some empathy. Sad the doc had to spell it out for him. Wish your dh could have done so years ago! Must have felt damn good to have that validation though...you needed that! Hoping this is some forward momentum and the tides turn for you!
It seems like he is making
It seems like he is making progress. The counsellor is so right. She pretty much exposed the double standard DH was expecting you to swallow. You should not have to bear the burden of Twit's problems. I hope his confusion changes to enlightenment about what is really 'normal'. Good for you that you are allowing him to come up with his own solutions. The thing is, he doesn't really have to solve anything for Twit. His solutions should reflect a change in the way he views your importance in his life and the way he relates to you as his wife. He needs to show Twit that he loves you enough that he will not allow her to be disrespecful of you - it will not be tolerated. As your counsellor said, "Twit needs to take responsibility for her own behavior" - and she is out of line. It should be Twit who comes up with her own solutions if she wants to maintain a good relationship with her Father and you. You are so sharp! You deserve someone in your life who cherishes you. I hope DH continues to see the light.
I hope so too Sandye. You
I hope so too Sandye. You should have seen him squirming and not knowing what to do much less say when it was put to him by the counselor. I wondered if he would even consider continuing counseling after that, knowing how he hates conflict and confrontation.
You know it is one thing for me to point it out to him, and another for him to hear from a third party that Twit is way out of line. This counseling thingy takes the me out of it 'cause he can't just say it is me being petty, I am not understanding, be big about it, etc. It is through someone eyes who knows what is normal and what is not.
I hope your husband will see
I hope your husband will see the light in all of this. I wish I could be so lucky. I hope the best for you.
You guys are right....he is
You guys are right....he is the big loser if this doesn't work out. I take care of a lot of things because I am just that type of person. He always has to have me with him when he does something. I am much more independent than he is, but that may be due to the difference in our ages and when we were born than anything else. I know that my own parents did everything together. Me? Much more independent than that generation ever was.