This night just keeps getting better. DH is taking his anger for SD out on me. He just can't figure out why I seem unhappy and now all of a sudden our relationship is "dull" and "we don't do anything fun." He picks tonight to discuss all the dreams he has been talking about for years. That's right, it's just talk. I'm so sick of "talking" about doing things. I'm a doer and he's a talker. He talks about installing a hot tub, painting the inside of the house, installing wood flooring, etc. He doesn't understand the financial impact this may cause. How the heck can we afford to do these things if we are taking over a car loan for the next six years? He's all over the place tonight! Acting like money isn't a big deal. He seems to be trying to minimize the real issue. Of course, we can't discuss that because he's being a total a$$ right now.

I know! Seven years is insane! Her insurance is $150/mth. Yikes!

DH felt bad for her when she couldn't get insurance in her price range. The deal almost fell through.

You're correct, he fought so hard to be a part of her life when she was growing up. He's afraid she won't want to be in his life anymore. He sees, for the most part, how SD plays him but it's like he has blinders on.

I've often told him that he would never accept me lying to him but SD lies to him all the time and he's cozy with it.

He IS a dumbass!

Here's what happened. We showed up at 9:10 am and DH sent her a text to come out to the car because we need to talk. No response. He called her and left a message to come out to the car. No response. Her roommate came out to leave for the day and he said she was there. We waited and he called her again and left a message. No response. Finally, after an hour and a half of waiting, he sent another text. He then removed most of her possessions and drove the vehicle home.

Before he drove off I asked him to take pictures of the car. The "little ding" she told him about turned out to be a good-size dent in the front bumper. It will need replaced. The passenger mirror has not been replaced that was broken about 6 months ago. Other various scratches and dings. There's a car part in the trunk that we're not sure where it goes...underneath?? Cigarette holes in the seats. Black ink all over the passenger seat. It's just filthy. The car is over on its free maintenance by 1500 miles. I guess the huge red light that says maintenance required wasn't obvious enough.

Her texts:
1) I can't believe you took the car without talking to me first. I made the payment and I can prove it on my statement. I rode my bike to work today and that's why I didn't answer the phone. I'm going to find a different cosigner.

2) I bought a new seat and mirror and I have an appointment Tuesday to have them installed. You can have them if it will help the resell. I can't believe you didn't talk to me first.

3) I can't believe you didn't talk to me. All contact needs to go through email now because I'm changing my phone number.

4) I love you. We need to talk about the car. I'm not being manipulative. I'm not like mom. You act like I'm her. Blah, blah, blah! This has strained our relationship. It's going to take a long time for me to get over this. Don't text me. All communication needs to go through email.

She didn't ride her bike to work! Give me a break. So many lies.

5) I checked my bank statement and they didn't take the car payment out even though it never dipped lower than $1000.00.

She needs to stop texting DH about her nonsense. She has told him not to text her and he hasn't. He shut his phone off.

Finally, peace & quiet!

I'm so drained of this situation. He spent 8 hours Sunday drafting an email to SD. She replied with many I love yous and I want to work this out. SD is still holding fast to the notion that we were notified of the missed payment and can't seem to grasp that she needs to check her bank statement or call Toyota to verify the payment was made. The last time she missed a payment it was because she didn't have access to the online account. She wants total access to the online account and I've warned DH about giving her the password.

She is also adamant that she was at work Saturday. She's pissed that DH is calling her a liar. She also hasn't been avoiding us for the last 4 months and that is all DH fault. Not one I'm sorry, yes I screwed the car up, nothing! She avoids responsibility for everything.

I am beyond frustrated at this point. DH is now saying she doesn't totally lie all the time. She tells half truths and there might be a smidgen of something truthful but he sees that as not a total lie.

DH and SD are meeting for supper to talk. He has been wishy washy because of her sweet email and he's been quiet to me, which usually means he knows he's about to upset me. Because SD is so quick and convincing with her lies and DH is not quick enough to figure them out, he will likely melt and give in.

I expect them both to show up here tonight after their supper.

I can't keep doing this!

He got home last night after 10 PM. I was already a slept. He came snuggling up to me and started telling me how the night went. I asked if SD friend was going to cosign. He said the new cosigner wanted all the damage fixed before consigning for it. SD told DH that all the damage happened in such a short time. He then started listing off the damage one by one and when and how it happened as SD told it to him. When he was finished I told him him one of SD accounts of a scratch/dent wasn't accurate because we both noticed that damage much earlier. He got pissed and started yelling that he can't remember word for word what SD told him and that he would take a recorder with him next time. He's thrown this fit before and said the exact same thing another time I reminded him of the truth. He stormed off and slept in another room. There was silence between us this morning.

I can tell he's going to have all the damaged fixed on the car at OUR expense. He doesn't want SD to file a claim because her insurance rates will go up. Good grief!

Tonight is going to be miserable!

I told him I no longer wanted to discuss SD, period ~ end of story.

Earlier in the year, after DH paid for SD 10% out of pocket expense for her nose job without discussing it with me first, I agreed to each of us taking 10% of our take-home pay to do with what we wanted. I anticipated that SD would default on their loan and this was my way of saving an argument later. DH didn't plan for the default and July's payment was paid out of our joint account. He can't fix the car this month because he's already spent his "allowance." If SD doesn't make the August car and insurance payments where do you think that money will come from? She doesn't have the car so I doubt she will pay either. The car payment is due on the 10th. We'll see!

The point is, WE are no longer talking about SD or her problems. That means, DH better not even bring up or pay anything out of our joint account for that car. I don't want to hear it!

He mentioned splitting finances when we first discovered the missed car payment. I brought it up again this week and he doesn't want to split them. As it stands right now, he has $1200 worth of receipts he hasn't entered into the checkbook (all legit) but this is how irresponsible he is. He doesn't even look at the bills but gets pissy because he doesn't know what's going on with our finances. I've never hid anything. He just doesn't want to deal with it and that's not my problem. This has been going on for 8 years now.

He may feel backed into a corner financially with regards to the car. I anticipate I'll be separating our finances soon without his "approval."

Thank you all for letting me get this nonsense out!