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Collections, Repos, ditching town...

still learning's picture

Yesterday we got a call on the house phone, ds15 answered it and yelled down the stairs to DH, "There's a man on the phone who wants to talk to ss32!" DH ended up talking to a collector who was trying to get in touch w/ss. Apparently ss32 has stopped paying his car payments, changed his phone # and has moved to evade repossession. DH was calm at first but then started yelling, "I have no idea where my son is or what his phone # is! Thanks for reminding me that my son doesn't talk to me!!!" Then DH rather forcefully hung up the phone.

Poor DH had tears welling up in his eyes and went on about how ss32 is not speaking to him and how he rarely hears from ss26/gskids either. DH talked to ss32 a few weeks ago after we got a collection notice in his name in the mail. I'm sure if DH would have offered to bail ss32 out like he's done in the past they'd be best buds right now. 7 yrs ago ss had a car that was about to be repossessed and DH swooped in, took over payments and saved the day.

I listened for a few minutes then changed the subject. We started talking about his future business opps and moving to our new location. DH then talked about people he'd miss here, the only people that came up were co-workers and two of his musician friends. No mention of skids at all, no mention of gskids either. I guess since he never sees them anyway he won't really have a chance to miss them.

I'm a little sad for DH because I know how it feels to have your kid ignore/brush you off. This happened from 12-19 years w/dd22. I dared to try to be a parent to her and she rebelled, now we are close but then not so much. DH on the other hand was *friends* when his sons were kids/teens, they partied, drank and had no responsibilities. Now that they are very grown men and DH is not rescuing and supporting them he is of no use to them and they are rebelling against him.

Good thing I'm disengaged and know I can't fix this. Not my irresponsible monkey, not my collections circus. And thank GOD DH didn't cosign for the car!!!

Merry's picture

Collection calls. Ooooh, bad flashback here. At one point we had collectors calling for DH, SS, and my own DD. AND for the people who used to live in our house. What the hell is the matter with people. I had no problem giving them my DD's number and SS's number. And I almost left DH over his financial irresponsibility -- he still struggles with it but it's way better and I can't remember the last time we had a collector call.

DD learned her lesson. Pretty sure SS did too, but there is something fishy going on with him right now. Not my kid, not my problem unless it starts to involve household funds.

I'm truly sorry for your DH.

still learning's picture

There have been several issues like this conc ss. A few years ago a sheriff came to our home to serve something to ss but thank god he didn't live here. I gave him BM's address and told him to check there }:) Lots of late notices in the mail, DH has gotten calls about stuff and last year I had a few calls to my cell conc the whereabouts of ss32.

DH doesn't get why ss can't just work and pay some simple bills. I'd like to tell DH that he, BM, and so many family members have enabled and coddled ss for most of his adult life and he just keeps defaulting to the *everyone else will pick up the pieces for me* mentality.

Thank goodness not my monkey as I'm dealing with my own monkeys.

ESMOD's picture

Ahhh the skiptrace. I got a call not long ago looking for my Ex Husband who must be evading some type of repayment

sammigirl's picture

Yep....same story here, when I cut YSS53's purse strings 33 years ago. I just bought a roll of "Return to Sender" stickers and put one on each piece of mail and put it back in the mail. Didn't take long they quit coming in the mail. The phone calls, I gave them BM's number; she enabled YSS, so she can pay the bills. Now the next generation:

SD56 has decided to interfere, years ago, with her GS19. SD56 has enabled SGGS19 thru his teens, against his parent's wishes (SD56's Son {SGS39}) I love it, because SGS39 just let his son, SGGS19 learn everything with tough love. SGS39 tried to get SGGS19 to go to college, etc. SGGS19 always turned to SD56 for $$$ and SD enabled him. About 3 months ago SGS39 called and talked to DH, because he was receiving past due bills in their mail box, for his son SGGS19. DH ask me what I thought; I told DH; "Have SGS39 forward the mail to SD56, she was enabling SGGS19, they (SD & SIL) can take care of the past due bills". Guess what!!!!! DH called SGS39 back and told him to do just that, so SGS39 did. I love it! }:)

I feel bad for your DH too, but at least you are disengaged. I am also disengaged, but I couldn't help but help DH out on this one. I know, SD56 doesn't know SGS39 called us, because SGS39 is disengaged from his BM (SD56) and doesn't inform her when he visits or talks with us. SGS39 is disengaged, because SD56 interfered with his parenting with SGGS19; SD never learns.