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Clueless 20 year old TWIT

Mominator's picture

SD's (20 & 23) have not spoken to DH for 2 years now. He's religiously sent them Valentines Cards (with a $20 gift card), Easter Cards (with a $25 gift card), Birthday cards ($100 per she-devil), and Christmas ($250 per she-devil). He's barely received so much as a "thank you" for any of them. He calls them 4-5 times a year to leave a message that he would like to get together with them and get caught up. You know, A REAL RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIP.

So, just last week, SD 20 comes out of the woodwork....first she texts dad that her car is breaking down and she's going to buy a 2 year old new one and get a loan for 11.5k, then 3 days later, it's "oh they told me I don't make enough money to qualify, and mom (BM) doesn't have a job". Then she comes out with it. "Will you co-sign for me dear daddy?".

I am SOOOOO THANKFUL for my DH who's finally grown his balls back, and flat out text her "You expect me to risk OUR CREDIT, when you haven't had anything to do with me for the past 2 years?!?!?!"

Her response "no".

He's tried numerous other texts to let her know there are other options, i.e., cheaper cars, cheaper loans, that he'd be willing to go with her and check out other options......all the same excuse....."I can't afford it". And we are????????!!!!!!!!

He went so far as to even tell her the truth, that he wants a real relationship with her, not just every time she needs something. All he got was DEAD AIR.

ARE YOU F*ING KIDDING ME?????? Where do these TWITS think that they can continue to manipulate dear daddy out of guilt, and emotional blackmail, and still expect the same results when they were all a dysfunctional nuclear family (him being the doormat)??? Oh yea, the BM (she's behind the curtain orchestrating)......Narcissistic people to the core.

I can not wrap my head around adult daughters, who want nothing to do with daddy, unless they need something, and even then, they can't seem to pull their heads out of their asses and actually grow up, take the ball that's been sitting in their court for years, and start a relationship with their father. NOT BASED ON MONETARY things.

NCMilGal's picture

This really struck me:

"He went so far as to even tell her the truth, that he wants a real relationship with her, not just every time she needs something."

Thank GOD, DH had that conversation with SD16 when she was 11. (at my urging) BM has always been f-ing useless and has viewed DH as a wallet, so has always pushed SD16 to come to DH when she wanted anything that costed money. DH confronted her on it, and put her in tears.

Let me tell you, now that Driver's Ed, a car, insurance, prom, trips, pictures, you name it, are coming up - SD16 is defending DH's right NOT to shell out hundreds.

Now, what I *will* do this summer is drill SD16 on how to ace the ACT test. It'll cost some cash for the books, and tutoring is valuable, but I'm glad to do it for her - it is something that will have reasonably long term positive effects on her, unlike prom.

sandye21's picture

He will not hear from SDs for another two years unless she needs money sooner. SD sounds like too much of a narcissist to do any introspection. But good for your DH for standing up for himself. Neither one of you needs this type of person in your life.

Sweetnothings's picture

Yep, this is sd21 ...... It is ok for DH to send money each month, but I think he gets maybe a memail from her about every three months. For someone who lives on the Internet, she has not once skyped him, etc ..... And in this day and age how difficult or time consuming is that ???? We hadn't seen her for over 18 months when DH paid for her to visit us last Summer, for a week.... And the younger skid, so expensive for the flights, etc . She arrived with a half empty suitcase, saying she had to go shopping ( in the past DH has been guilty of well Disney Dad guilt and paid for shopping sprees ) DH and I had discussed ALL of this expected usual behaviour of sd21's , and he told her straight, that after paying for the trip, and the days outs he had arranged, etc, he was not spending a fortune on shopping ....... He would take her TO the shops, and she could shop on her own dime . Needless to say she bought a T shirt and a few bits, not quite the same is it sd21 when it's your own money you have to spend, eh ??
This sd21 has never held even a part time Saturday job, or worked the very long Summers that students get off.... This Summer will be the 6 th one she has just done nothing........
DH also NEVER gets even a cheap, nasty card for Bd, Christmas, Father's Day, etc...... NEVER......

novemberm's picture

My FDH has a daughter, almost 23, who is EXACTLY like this. Her brothers, almost 20 and almost 19 are the same way. It has been almost a year since he has handed them cash. They were DRAINING him, while at the same time being so nasty and disrespectful. They are really vile, some of the things they have said have been horrific.

One of the things I am adamant about is that we are not handing them money ever again. Mostly because of this horribly estranged relationship, but also because of the fact that they do not want to work, while we bust our asses in stressful jobs. I have a chronic illness and he has severe neck and back pain, yet we work full time. There is no way they are getting anything, except for a card with $50 on birthdays and holidays. I do not agree with even that, but I pick my battles and if it makes him feel good to do that, I can handle it. BUT cars, expensive clothes, cell phones, etc.----NO. Your SD does not need a car that costs that much.....

BM is also telling them that their dad OWES them, and should provide for them and give them what they want all the time. She does not work, never has, and lives off the CS and her mother.

I am so proud of your DH and my FDH. I know it is hard for them to not give in, but they know they have to.

It must break their hearts to know their kids do not want a relationship based on anything other than money. But, like I told my FDH, I love you and I am here for you, and you have the right to a happy and peaceful life. They just have to choose to be in it and treat you with kindness and respect." He gets it, but still has guilty daddy syndrome at times.