Boyfriends SD - wants to move near us - 4 kids -
I have started a blog and want to come here for feedback.
BF has 1 daughter who is 30 with 4 kids. Last one was born 2 months ago with babydaddy #2. Other 3 are from same guy who is incarcerated. All under the age of 7. She lives on the east coast. We are on the west coast. Lived with her mother (BF Xwife) for 10 years before mom let lease lapse and moved out. She is living with bbday#2.
BF hears sporadically from her, when she want something. He has helped with grandkid things - ft camp, gymnastics for gkids through ex-wife and paying directly. Not large costs. In January she texted for $500 to make rent and would pay him back from her tax return. He did not want to then decided to. She has not paid him back.
BF birthday was Sunday. Daughter reached out and wants to move near us to get a fresh start. This has been a topic in their household based on what the grandchildren were talking about with grandpa.
Many of you know how this story is playing out and it does not take a psychic to predict the possibilities here.
BF is retired military can be very disciplined and structured. Not happy with daughter's choices but loves his grandkids. Has expressed that to me. We live together in my rental in my name only. We have discussed marriage and getting engaged. I am a professional woman no biokids. We are compatible in so many ways and I love him. This was an area that I knew I needed to watch. I love him but I love myself more and will need to set some hard boundaries here including ending the relationship if this goes sideways. I am prepared to do that if necessary. Getting married is on hold though he is not aware of it as I want to see how he is going to handle this.
I have already had conversations with him about what research has she done (none) her plans are (move and get jobs), has she saved money for the move (no -no surprise here). I also put a hard stop on them staying with us, even for a few weeks until they get settled. That will not happen. He said to her that he would help her but not support her. He says he sees the manipulation she is doing with the grandkids.
I realize this may be a ploy for her to find another resource as the "bank of mom" has closed and she may not move here.
I would appreciate perspective and thoughts as I begin navigating this situation. I am thankful this has come up prior to us getting married or combining assets. There will be a tight prenup should we move forward with getting married later.