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BF of 6 years not telling his GF his granddaughter is pregnant

Hatecopycats's picture

Ok so I'm sorry ....I'm writing this about my mother who is having a hard time deciding if she is over the top feeling this way.

My mom has been dating a man for 6 years....they live in their own homes but my mom stays with him from Wednesday until Sunday because he feels more comfortable at his house then hers. The reason.....his 41 year old daughter and son in law live right next door.

My mom doesn't care for his daughter or SIL because they have free access to Wades home....they come in when my mom is there cleaning to take meat from the freezer they go in Wades house to get towels, fishing poles, dog treats for their dogs etc......they don't knock or mom and Wade could be cuddling on the couch and the daughter sends her kids ( Wades grandkids) over to tell my mom and Wade they have to watch them because their parents are going out! WTH...

So my mom put her foot down and now she only will spend the weekends at his house because he LIKES the way his daughter is.

It's gotten ridiculous.....the last ur he has been taking my mom to less and less places because he says he needs to tighten up his finances to leave his kids a lot of money. I know for a fact he has over 600k in an annuity that pays him 30k a year and his house and car are paid for.

So my mom called me this morning crying because his other daughter who lives 2 streets over from him has a daughter who is 26. So again one of grandchildren.....they came over last night and told my mom she was mom acted excited and said to Wade " exciting "

He then told my mom he had known about it for a month, but that his daughter had forbidden him from telling anyone. My moms response " I didn't realize I was just anyone". And she left.....she hasn't called him and he hasn't called her.

She is seriously considering ending the relationship with him because she is done with his kids.....and she just can't believe he would keep something like that from her.

What do you guys think???

Personally, I don't think she overreacted.....I think his kids are his priority and not my mom. bTW my mom is 63 and he is 72 so it's not like they can just up and meet someone else. They have been together for 6 years.

godess-clueless's picture

If your mom is not getting the relationship that SHE wants then she should move on. This guy seems available for her only if it is on his terms.
My DH had dated a girlfriend prior to me. At the time both were older and children grown. For 5 years she would drive 30 miles one way on her days off from her full time job. She would clean his house, cook meals and freeze extra for him during the week. Take his laundry home to her house to wash and iron. He was retired so he was very active in social clubs and volunteering. She did get the honor of cooking for these functions and entertaining his grandchildren.
I am sure she felt the next step would be marriage. He never even suggested it. I am sure he made her feel like she had an important place in his life. Truth was she did not. He would tell people "She was a GOOD OLD GIRL, DOES ANYTHING I WANT SO HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THAT" and remark to his friends that she was not very attractive. He refered to her as sex delivery that came right to his door, cleaned house and no matter how tired would do what he wanted.
She was heartbroken and never saw it coming when he moved on to someone else. I think he may have balked at first if she had just become too busy to do all these things for him . But if he cared he would have made an effort.
There is always a good man somewhere. Just takes longer to look

Hatecopycats's picture

No these issues are not new....they have just gotten more predominant.

She drives 40 miles to his house....and she is always buying comforter sets, towels, sheets etc for his home....every year she goes to his house and puts up an Xmas tree and decorates.

My mother is very attractive, small and just a classy looking lady. He is just a good ole boy type. Oh and he doesn't want to spend money to take my mom away on weekends but spends money to go hunting several weeks every few months and buys new guns!!

I also should mention his wife died 10 years ago and he has her picture on the fireplace mantle.....NOT because it's important to him but because it " would upset the kids" My mom isn't upset about it just upset about the reason for it.

It's just a lot of small issues that are becoming bigger and he refuses to do anything about it.

emotionaly beat up's picture

This is never going to change, and probably will only get worse the older he gets. I think you mom should get out now while she is only 63, because things are going to be like this when she is 73. If she is no happy with the situation the way it is (and it appears from your post she is quite unhappy), then the only person who can affect change in this relationship is HER. I feel so sorry for her but who needs this nonsense. You would think he after 6 years thing would have progressed in the relationship, but seemingly they haven't and you mom is just getting more and more hurt by it. I think she chould cut her loses now before it becomes 16 years of the same rubbish for her. I wish her all the best.

trystme's picture

It is really up to her whether she wants to put up with this crap or not. She probably just calls you to vent and not to tell her what to do. You can tell her what the others have told you about things never changing, but she's going to do what she wants to do.

I know what it is like. My mother calls me to complain about people taking advantage of her, she just wants to vent, she doesn't really want to hear my opinion.

skylarksms's picture

He's made HIS decision about his top priority in his life...and it is NOT your mother.

Only she can make the decision of whether or not that is good enough for her.