I think this will be me in another 15-20 years if I don't continue to put my foot down with our SD. I just got into a blow out with my SO about his little precious snowflake (10) and it was bad. Something about men and their "baby girls" = automatic blinders I guess. SO thinks SD is the sweetest and most awesome child. I think she is the most manipulative, entitled brat I have ever met. He gets defensive whenever I try to address ANYTHING with his kid but he can point out what mine is doing all day long. He always tries gas lighting me when it comes to SD also. I finally had enough. I think he gets it now but I have thought that before as well. I do know if he regresses back to acting as if the world revolves around SD and continues to wear his blinders him and SD won't be in my home for much longer!

You could have saved yourself the weekend of all that fighting by just simply saying 'no, thanks, dear, but I have things to do this weekend , you go ahead and have a nice time'.

Disengagement isn't something one needs to necessarily announce and/or go into five years worth of incidents to explain your decision.

The lady lives five hours away. Soon to be five and a half. Don't let her nor her immature behavior/attitude disrupt your daily life the way it did since Friday and all through the weekend.

The man is never going to "see" his daughter in the light that you do. He is never going to have a lightbulb moment where he goes 'oh, honey, silly me, you're so right , she is terrible'. And you can pretty well bank he doesn't want to listen to you drone on about every infraction. He loves her, her nasty warts and all.

Now about the will. See your lawyer together and be sure your wills are indeed drawn up to mutually agreement. Depending on the laws of your state, the man can not just will away a home you hold interest in. Don't fight with him. Have the lawyer clearly lay out the ins and outs. If Dh is still being an *ss, you'll have some hard decisions to make.

First of all - do not try to convince him why you are right and he is wrong. He will NEVER agree that his precious poopsie does anything wrong. He could see her do something overly wrong like beat a child to a pulp, and he'd find some excuse like well she just spanked him because he needed it.

The subtle digs and slights that you experience are real, but they will NEVER be acknowledged by him. I think too many SPs make a mistake by trying to justify their disengagement. They want to prove how bad the skid is. You will never win that one.

But you DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY your disengagement. You just do it.

I have a very successful disengagement from SS32 and his GF. DH acknowledges that their actions last March (home invasion) were wrong. But to DH that was a bad mistake that they made. He chewed them out and can go on. Me - I'm done.

But I do not go on about what an utterly worthless sack of shit his son is. I know that his son is a pathetic loser. But I do not press DH to acknowledge that he is. In the end SS is still DH's son and he loves him. He is so willing to grab any sliver of anything good in SS's life and hope that he is now growing up to be a decent person. I see no need to deprive DH of that hope.

I just do not have ANYTHING to do with SS or the GF. I never cussed them out (except in my mind). I blocked them on FB and my phone. They are just DEAD to me.

If DH mentions his son I just nod and talk about something else. I do not say anything like "don't mention that loser to me." Now I do come here and bitch like crazy which really helps me get it out without taking it out on DH.

DH is free to go see them. I've made that clear to him. Just not in my home.

Just say no thanks when your DH invites you to go see her. You know she doesn't want you there anyway. If he moans about her problems or sings her praises - don't disagree no matter how much you want to set the record straight. Just nod and offer him a cup of coffee.

One tactic that worked with me when I first disengaged several years ago was to tell DH that I did not want to argue and that we seemed to argue when we talked about SS or did something with him. SS did clean up his act somewhat. He went from being homeless and jobless to finding a girl with a job, a house and a car and they had a baby together.

It did seem like SS might be on a better path. So I started letting them drop by, come over for dinner, etc. We were going to let them use my vacation home (that I've owned for years before meeting DH) and take them all to DisneyWorld.

But while we were on vacation, they basically moved into our home, drank or stole many litres of booze, and ransacked our bedroom and my most personal possessions. They actually did me a favor as now I get 100% freedom from them.

My advice is not to argue with him at all about the SD. Just keep her away as much as possible.

I could have written your post 7 years ago. I put up with SD, who was also an only child, for 20+ years. She was one of the meanest people I have ever met. Like you, DH discounted her behavior and gas-lighted me with vague accusations such as I was making her uncomfortable or that he just didn't see it. I also owned the home we were living in.

Seven years ago all of SD's unjustified hate surfaced and she had a melt-down. I put my foot down - even at the risk of divorce. I banned SD from our home until DH informed her, in my presence, that she is to respect me as his wife. This has never occurred (luckily).

You have already told DH you have disengaged. Don't further discuss the disengagement. Don't bring up SD in conversation. If DH brings her up, smile, say, "Hmmm", and change the subject. If you allow her into your home be cordial but distant. If DH wants you to accompany him to visit her, use any excuse you like. You do not owe it to either DH or SD to defend yourself. If he makes vague accusations ask for specifics. Don't allow him to put you down in any way. Walk away.

Do not ever allow DH to threaten you with, "--if you want a fight you will lose?!?" Tell him you are ready. Then see an attorney as soon as possible to see where you stand financially and whether your DH has the right to will something that belongs to both of you - I doubt it in a community property state. Good thing you want to keep your house. We now own a home together but DH can't will it away without my approval.

Try to see a counselor on your own - it did wonders for me. I stood up for myself and have never been sorry, and our marriage is great.

Kind of sounds like she is playing her father off the other relatives. You know the poor me, blah, blah blah no one helps me, and then Daddy gives her money. You can bet she does this with the others as well unless they are wise to her.

When she realizes she can no longer agitate you, she will attack DH. Get some popcorn ready.