Hi, I just can't shake this sick feeling.
My husband's is a widower, and has 4 adult children. I'm divorced and have 5 adult children. A few of mine are adopted and a couple are birth children.
From the age of 16 I always wanted to adopt. So when my husband and I got married, it was pretty easy, or so I thought, to blend our families. At least from my view point.
So a few months ago, my husbands daughter was in town and she announced that she and her grandmother were going to give her sister (husband's other daughter) a baby shower. I sat there and I was all excited about the event. I was very careful not to go to crazy, I love to throw parties and events, and I respected the fact that obviously this was her event and one she and her grandmother were going to take care of. I thought, not a problem. I didn't want to step on any toes. So, she plans the event for Mother's day weekend, which was fine. But she was having problems finding a place to have this event. So I suggested she'd have it here at the house. So she thought that was great and I went to work on sprucing up the house and making sure I had the right number of chairs and tables. We had approx 40 people. I bought flowers and I bought whatever she asked me to buy. I went out and spent quite a sum on groceries etc. and the list went on.
The weeks past and I was getting deliveries week after week, from his daughter, and I'd store them in the guest room, (she lives out of state).
So she arrived in town, and she was gone from the house quite a bit. So basically I did about 80% of all the set up, moving of furniture and all the clean up after the event. I did alot of the food myself. (If you are wondering where my husband is, he was working 80 hours a week) She decorated with all the things she spent money on, and made a few food items. Now mind you, I'm not upset about any of this. I'm just trying to be a help and a support. We have the shower. It was lovely. A lot of work and I was worn out. A few days after she left to go back home, my husband receives a text asking for 1/2 of what it cost her to throw this shower. She used the fact that I had thrown my daughter a shower and basically guilted him into doing this. *sad*
My issue isn't helping cover the cost. My issue is we were never asked. We had spent a large sum of money on the shower ourselves. She spent monies on whatever she choose. If she had asked for our help up from the start, we would have given her a dollar amount we would be happy to help with, not a blank check amount she chose. BIG DAVE RAMSEY people.
So, I find myself extremly frustrated. If you had to balance the scales the weight of financial help would easily fall to my husbands children and I'm feeling just sick about it. A year ago both of our younger daughters, his and mine, needed new vehicles.
We discussed and we agreed that neither of us would co sign on any loans. Both our girls were adults and hadn't been the most resposible about money and we agreed, each one would have to buy a good reliable car that they could afford. So my daughter ended up getting a used vehicle. I was proud of her. She made a good choice with the monies she had. My husband goes with his daughter and they come home with a brand new leased vehicle that my husband cosigned on. Her payments are HUGE. My mouth dropped open. Not only had he done that, he put her first payment on our credit card. And as of this date has used up all her mileage. YUP, that's right cha ching.... If you can invision the issue coming down this road in the very near future.
I've tried talking to him and explaining how I felt, but he just says I don't want to fight. I'm not fighting, I'm hurting. I just feel like I do everything I can to keep things honest. I want to talk about how I'm feeling, but I can't seem to do that either without him taking this tone with me, like I don't want to help his kids. Which is the furthest thing from the truth. So, when his daughter asked for $ for the shower all these feeling from the car came flooding back. I don't even want to get started on the unused wedding dress we had to buy his daughter on a credit card that is sitting in our closet that was never used, and well, now I'm trying to sell that. Cause I guess that my responsibility *sad*
I feel like I'm falling apart....