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Awful adult stepkids

Plshelpme's picture

My two adult stepkids are horrible human beings:  SS is almost 27 and SD is almost 25. 

SS has not spoken to his dad since last May, after I made a FB post not unlike many others that I have posted over the last five years. He and his sister felt it was a dig at them, because we had just had a vacation with them and they behaved like teenagers on spring break (putting it mildly).  

SD ONLY has been talking to him because she is now pregnant and keeps him on a yo-yo. 

Both are EXTREMELY jealous of my two (and they haven’t even met my son, as he is Air Force and stationed in Utah).  My two are exactly the same age as his two.  Older son, younger daughter. 

I have ONLY reached out to them for their dad’s 50th birthday, explaining we would be out of town on his actual birthday and invited them for dinner and gave them alternative dates to celebrate their dad without me-  NO response.  Both kids texted him Happy Birthday, and that’s it, single texts. SD called him while we were in Utah and texted him throughout our dinner with my son (that just returned to the US from deployment), including sending him a sonogram photo that was taken the day BEFORE his birthday.  I was livid, feeling like she intended to interrupt our time with my son and my husband is too afraid to say he would call her back later, because she will cut him off again. 

My sisters-in-law have kept my mom on this same yo-yo for 16 years, keeping the kids from her and doing exactly what my husbands kids are doing to him.  

Our next step is therapy, to help my husband to stand up for himself and cut those two off if that is what it takes, he knows that is best, but he has lived to be a Dad and Grandpa. 

Sometimes I just need to get out the frustration - so that I don’t go off on his two awful kids.  

 

sandye21's picture

It would be hard to believe that your SD was not trying to ruin your dinner with your son.  She seems spiteful, wants all of the attention and doesn't want to share Daddy's time with anyone.  But I would like to ask who told her you would be having dinner with your son? 

The marriage counseling is a good idea if your DH is receptive to taking the counselor's advice.  Make sure the counselor has experience with blended families, and is not a Skid themselves.  If you get the feeling like they are not appreciating your dilemma, get a new counselor.  You see, the REAL problem is your DH.  He needs to demonstrate that your marriage is his top priority, and you are a united couple.  He must show her that he will not allow any disrespect for you as his wife.  If it means she alienates him for a while, so be it.

You sound like a prime candidate for disengagement.  There are several levels of disengagement from being cordial but distant to completely banning them from your home and from your life.  You will have to decide what is best for you.  Since your SD wants nothing to do with you take advantage of it.  Let your DH deal with her.  If he brings her up in conversation reply "Hmm" and change the subject.  If she comes to your home let DH do EVERYTHING for her.  If she ignores you, you ignore her.  Don't remind DH of any of her Birthdays, etc.  Let him take full responsibility for a situation HE has created by not parenting SD in the first place.  Good luck.

disrestep's picture

It seems, as the so called "evil stepmothers", no matter what we do: whether it's a Facebook post, email, phone call or text involving "their daddy" we will always be accused of doing something wrong, according to the hateful adult skids. It's so bizarre and backwards. 

My DH gets the same BS from the adult skids regarding using the gskids as pawn. It's sickening. Right before DH and I left for more than one vacation, adult SS would all of a sudden need DH for something for hours right before we had to catch flights. It is obvious the stuff they pull.

If your DH is just living for his adult kids or gskids, then he really needs to get a life. I see so many people living through their kids or gskids and they no longer enjoy doing things they once did. They loose track of friends, stop hobbies, and worse in some cases, are taken advantage of by their kids or gskids. Happens all the time unfortunately.

best of luck to you

SacrificialLamb's picture

Completely disengage from his kids and the game will eventually get boring for them. If you go to therapy, make sure DH does not tell his kids you are going to therapy.....they will LOVE that and up their game.

Rags's picture

Facts. Keep the facts of the behaviors of his toxic adult crotch nuggets front and center so that he remains clear on how toxic they are.

Other than that.... write them off.