Anyone here Raise Their Steps?
SS are 29 and 31....husband and I have been together since the boys were 5 & 7, husband had full custody of his sons. Bio mom had disappeared for 2 years and had only one visit with their mom when I met husband. I became a big part of the parenting in the household. I treated the boys as my own, they called me mom. Bio mom was always trying to tear anything down when she would see the boys, fill their heads with lies and was nothing but trouble.
Perhaps common for adult children spreading their wings but once adults SS basically turned their back and ran to mommy and have been hateful ever since. I have heard anything from them beleiveing I should never had the authority over them that I did to asking their dad why he stayed with me and not their mom. Husband and bio mom were married 4 years and he divorced her becasue she was taking off to the Clubs at nite and meeting men.
I gave and I gave, I did everything for my family and I get nothing but a kick in the teeth. I finally, after many ups and downs, drew boundary lines with the boys. I am not longer an accepted part of my husband's family, things just got real ugly and of course all involved would say it was no one's fault but mine. I guess I was supposed to be a doormat and just take whatever was dished and be strong but I couldn't. I had/have values and morals and what was happening in my home was breaking my very belief system.
Over 20 years of marriage later my whole family is broke apart and I see no hopes for repair, and at this point do not even wish for it. I like my life without my SS and I have distanced myself from all those who I consider poisonous. This is never how I thought we would have turned out and all I can do is accept and try to move on with my life.
Step-parenting is almost
Step-parenting is almost always thankless and often heartbreaking especially for a woman who often puts her heart into the mix.
My advise o people contemplating step-parenting who appear on this Forum is don't do it and my hope is you would stay and give the same advise. Usually its too late but if they haven't married or had a kid then its not too late to get out.
Couldn't agee with you more!
Couldn't agee with you more!
I used to work in the foster
I used to work in the foster care field. And time and time again we would see children who had been in the system their whole lives search for and connect with their bio parents. No matter the terrible circumstances they were removed from. I think it's just natural.
I'm sorry you are experiencing such a let down. Karma will kick in somehow! Don't beat yourself up, you did your best...and if not, you did what was necessary to make it through each day.
I have a friend who fosters
I have a friend who fosters children, children who have come from very unfortunate homes. These children have been given a life far better than they could ever imagined with their bio parents yet as adults they did the very same, sought out their bio parents who lost custody of them because of neglect or abuse in the home, and then turned their backs and blamed the foster parents.....very sad!
This is one reason I never
This is one reason I never got emotionally involved with my SD and why, after years of being hurt, my husband is very guarded when it comes to her. She could have a father who would bend over backwards for her but she chose to turn her back on him, in favor of a mother who has treated her like crap all of her life.
BM could set SD's hair on fire and SD would apologize for having such flammable hair. It is incredible, really.
I hear ya.....bio mom is
I hear ya.....bio mom is quite the gem, has pulled so many stunts besides walking away from her sons, lies and head games but the boys are very drawn to her and want to beleive she is a saint.
Pretty much the same scenario with my ex as well.....this man told our children I did drugs, lived with another man while we were married, was always going to the Clubs at night and leaving the kids alone, said I neglected them by working too much....all of which was BS....geemany. Ex was a player, a cheater, the type who could not hold a job but wanted everything new so ran up bills here and there and then had no means to pay them. I cleaned houses for living to support us. When he had his affair with the love 15 years older than himself (we were in our mid 20's at the time) he decided that she was the one but asked me to wait for him, said the affair was on the down-side, what a creep! I filed for divorce which I ended up paying for because he bounaced a check. Then all the blame came out. It was like he had to make up stoires to our kids to justify his actions and make me look abd and himself look like the helpless victim which of course he was not. Our younger daughter (27) has seen thru her dad but her older sister (32) has not. Everything her dad does is gold. It's absolutely insane and ugly!
Yep, I am. And I actually get
Yep, I am. And I actually get along with my skids. But before they came here, I never realized how hard it is to raise kids. Especially someone else's. Add to that the facts that these kids had been molested by numerous men, pased, and abandoned by Bm. Once the cs stopped she had no use for them
Thanks all for the support
Thanks all for the support and all the comments left!
...I gave and I gave, I did
...I gave and I gave, I did everything for my family and I get nothing but a kick in the teeth. I finally, after many ups and downs, drew boundary lines with the boys. I am not longer an accepted part of my husband's family, things just got real ugly and of course all involved would say it was no one's fault but mine....
Gosh, I am going through the same thing with my MIL and my SS18. Like you, things would be wonderful if I kept on giving and giving and giving.
After the latest crap my SS18 pulled, I set a firm boundaries. Now, I am being told by my MIL that I am being selfish for not providing extra funds out of my paycheck for SS18's college. She seems to have forgotten the fact that I am still paying $400 a month out of my paycheck (the only paycheck coming into the house) to provide that child health, dental, and life insurance and went as far to call my DH complaining that he and I have thrown SS18 "in the street" (aka sending the child off to college) and that it was a shame that a man would choose between his wife and his kid.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Sadly, it seems to be a common theme on this site - unrealistic expectations and selfishness on the part of the skids, the skid's noncustodial bioparent, and your SO's family and when the stepparent doesn't cave into their unrealistic expectations or demands, you are cast in the role of the evil stepparent.