You are here

Am I overreacting?

TooManyStepsBetween's picture

There’s a lot of history in my posts about SD28 but she recently relocated with her DH and son and I thought things were going to be ok. However I’ve had a weird feeling for about a month maybe two now and I want honesty because if I’m just being “jealous” or crazy I want to know. Whenever DH and I do something together I take pics and send them to all the kids because we’re all spread out and they ask for pictures of everything. SD has started telling me how handsome her dad is EVERY time I send her any pictures of him, if hes sitting at his work desk, if he’s at the beach, if he’s driving the boat etc...I always get a response about how good he looks from his daughter. He doesn’t have any social media but she posts things on there all the time about how nobody will ever love a girl like her dad and dads are a girls only true love and blah blah blah and I just keep wondering what her DH thinks? I mean isn’t this all kind of disrespectful not to mention immature once you get married? I can’t help but feel a little nauseous about it all too. I’m open to all opinions as long as they aren’t condescending and nasty, I’m here to ask for help not get destroyed for feeling like this is weird.

Doublehelix's picture

What does *your* DH think?

Definitely if she's married, I would think her DH would think that's weird...especially that "only true love" comment. Seriously?!

TooManyStepsBetween's picture

Yet and he can’t see my text messages or the social media posts so he really has no idea. Should I bring it up ? What if he thinks it’s sweet for her to feel that way? That’s a whole other issue I guess. 

Dovina's picture

that will boost his ego if he is like so many of these DH's who has a mini wife daughter.

In all my years on this earth (and there are many) i do not ever recall a friend, co worker, relative ever speaking that way of their dad UNTIL I entered the world of steps and have been on this site. I certainly knew my own dad loved me, but would not even come close to saying or ever thinking thats my one true love. Just creepy!

If your SD posts this on social media, I can only imagine what her friends are thinking, not to mention her poor DH. Just YUCK>

Doublehelix's picture

"True love" definitely never...I think one can think of their own father as handsome in an endearing way...but not in this over the top way as OP's SD 

Doublehelix's picture

The texts are not a group message that include your DH? If you're curious, you can always include him and if she still says the same things...

If he doesn't see the messages, I wouldn't bother bringing it up to him. It's not affecting him, he can't even react in any way that might potentially bother you...so don't let her weirdness get to you, which might be her only motive considering she's not even reaching her dad. If anything, *her* DH should be upset!

sandye21's picture

No, you are not jealous or crazy.  What would you think if you read this about some other SD and her father?  Yes, you would still think it is sick and creepy, just like I do.

I'll bet she is posting these emotionally incestuous messages on social media for your 'benefit'.  If you 'unfollow' her you will not have to 'unfriend' her and you will not see any more of these 'sick' messages again.  But she WILL see photos of you and DH having fun.  This will let her know her 'messages' are having absolutely no effect on your marriage. 

The next time she asks if you have seen her posts you can take delight in saying, "No, I didn't see that one.  I get so many messages from all of my friends there is no time to see all of them"  LOL  Don't bring it up with DH.  It would give her a big charge to think that she is possibly causing a rift in your marriage.  When she realizes the ones she wants to hurt are not reading her messages she will either stop the game or up the ante which will expose her game to other people.

If you have any communications from her, refer her to your DH and let hiim deal with her on his own.  Don't bring her up in conversations.  If he mentions anything about her change the subject.

 

Stepaside-1987's picture

I have followed sandye21's advice with my own SD who likes to "exlude" me unless it is something she wants for her kids. I don't communicate with her and I have unfollowed her on Facebook. 

I don't bring her up and I don't ask any questions regarding her. 

I think she is trying to bait you.  Don't fall for it - just like I don't with my SD.  After some birthdays, anniversaries and holidays have gone by with nothing from DH she made a phone call wanting to know why.  He told her he forgot.  Smile I am the one who would give gentle reminders in the past - I didn't this past year :)  I am pretty sure my DH is on to my disengagement from this one in particular but he has not brought it up - and I don't either.  

If Facebook comes up "Did you see blah blah blah?"  I say with a smile "No - I didn't see that post but I am hardly on Facebook" Smile

I don't think you are overreacting - but don't let her know it bothers you.  

TooManyStepsBetween's picture

I unfollowed her and haven’t said a word to DH about any of it, feeling better about it already. Thanks for the tip!

Stepaside-1987's picture

Good!! The only time I am acknoweledged and it is ALWAYS in a group message is when she wants something for her kids.  Well I just got another one this week - I ignored it.  DH will probably send a gift but I am not making any effort to acknowledge the event.  I am at the point of F**K her.  I focus on me now.  I make sure I am not around for phone calls, etc.  DH knows she does this and if no one in the family is going to call her out on it - I can quietly step away and focus on me and my marriage.

Murkywaters's picture

Yuck...

Definitely unfriend her, she sounds like she's trying to stir the pot.  As for the DH go about your business as usual and don't even mention her.  Most parents know when there's something  off with their kids.

SacrificialLamb's picture

My OSD used to do this. She used to always talk about how close they were, how good looking he was, how she picked her DH because he reminder her of her dad, how she would have married her dad if she could.....  Looking back, it was her way of buttering him up so he would always choose her, and also she was marking her territory. Daddy is MINE.  When things got really bad and fell apart, OSD got mad at DH because he defended me and not her. Because in the end, all that buttering up didn't get her what she wanted - to always be #1.

Steppedonnomore's picture

Yeah, I think it's weird. But pretty harmless since your DH isn't even seeing the messages.  Maybe she does it to get under her DH's skin and not yours which doesn't bode well for their marriage.  If I were you, I'd not waste time dwelling on it.  I might step back from sending as many pics though.  

Thisisnotus's picture

ewwww.....please tell me she doesn't  call him "daddy". I think it's super weird.

Stop sending or posting pictures....problem solved.....well at least that one.

TooManyStepsBetween's picture

It’s all about daddy this and daddy that in fact the lost where she called him her true love she added how much she misses her daddy. It grossed me out too, I remember the time in my childhood where I realized I was tooold to be calling my dad daddy and just went with dad from that point on, I dont think this girl will ever get there.

Merry's picture

Declare a break from social media and stop posting for a while. Our whole lives don’t need to be documented. 

I used to date a photographer. He took his camera everywhere and too pictures of what seemed like everything. It got to be too much. I doubt you’re over the top like that, but back away from the phone and the camera and just let the day flow. Be IN the moment instead of trying to capture the moment.

TooManyStepsBetween's picture

For other reasons. I’m part of a recipe group and log in to get new ideas, I don’t post, don’t “like” posts and dont comment on anything but every once in a while the posts from SD pop up in between feeds and this one just happened to rub me the wrong way. Unfollowing her has resolved this issue for me now.

SacrificialLamb's picture

"SD has started telling me how handsome her dad is EVERY time I send her any pictures of him, if hes sitting at his work desk, if he’s at the beach, if he’s driving the boat etc...I always get a response about how good he looks from his daughter. "

The snarky me would respond "oh yes and you should see him with no clothes on!"

Doublehelix's picture

HAHAHA!

TooManyStepsBetween's picture

Thank you everyone for all of your comments and understanding of the situation. I’ve had a few days to think on it and I’ve started with unfollowing SD as recommended. The more I thought about it the more reasons I found to be angry about it, especially since my 2 DDs BD couldn’t care less about his daughters and DH has been the only dad they’ve really known I felt as if SD was trying to make a point to them that he belongs to her, or as someone suggested she’s trying to make her husband jealous (gross) or trying to portray a perfect relationship ship with daddy when it’s not the case. The thing that got to me the most is that DH will never see it but it was addressed to him, but most likely to upset anyone else who loves him. Moving forward, complete disengagement will be my way out of this and I believe the eye opener for DH.

Stepaside-1987's picture

In my experience there has been ups and downs to disengagement and you will find the right "disengagement" for you.  I have found mine and I haven't looked back.  Good for you and good luck!!

There is a light's picture

I think you have made the right decision. 

Passive aggression is a typical behaviour of a skid.  They want to appear to daddy that they are on board with the union, however resentment is burning deep.    Do not let her know that it bothers you.

Lunamoma's picture

I put myself in your shoes. What if my SO's daughter did that? Once, ok. But repeatedly? It's a little odd. Is she looking for attention from her dad or from her DH? Is she doing it to make you uncomfortable? I would try to ignore it and definitely dont let her know it bothers you. 

still learning's picture

Sometimes the best reaction is no reaction.  For whatever reason she is regressing to the stage where she was daddy's little girl and daddy was the only man in her life.  It could be triggered by seeing him happy with another female or maybe she is having marital difficulties.  Whatever is going on it's her issue and I wouldn't take it personally at all.  

Regarding the pictures, put DH in charge of sending his kids pics.  When they ask for photos say, "Talk to your father about sending you those."  You can be in charge of sending your kids photos and he is in charge of sending them to his.  That way it's on him and he'll also get the responses, not you.  I believe Facebook has a "Mute" button so you can still follow but not actually see someone's posts in your feed.  

Adult steps can get weird and possessive over their parents, it's not you, it's them.  Stay out of their lingering first family dramas.  

CANYOUHELP's picture

You are not overreacting; these women do these things to get daddeee's attention directed "just upon them." I have heard the mess over and over, "how beautiful his eyes are...etc.etc." Sickening.  I like the comment by Lamby best and that is why I am disengaged now-- to avoid actually saying what needs to be stated, "Yes, and you should see him without his clothes on."

I am above this juvenile game of theirs.