Am I over reacting? So frusterated!
So for those who don't know me you can refer to my other posts to know about why I am disengaged from toxic SD19.
So here is what happened today. My oldest SD22 came to town (we moved 3 hours away a little over a year ago). SD22, I and DH all participated in a 5k and it was fun. We had a blast.
Anyways since we live farther away I kind of let family know when we plan to have Christmas and things like that. Well today it was Christmas and DH and I thought it would be nice to have it hear at our new house just this year. We picked a weekend to have it so there wasn't so much running around for family on the holiday. So SD22 asks if SD19 is coming and I said no because she isn't talking to us anymore and vise versa. I know deep inside SD22 would love us all to just be a family again. Anyways then she said that SD19 was planning on calling us sometime to make up. I didn't say anything except thinking in my head that I do not want a relationship with SD19 as this is typical of her. She will call us right before her birthday and right before Christmas to make up and then she will get her gifts. I do not plan to buy her anything and neither does my family so if she does come around, I am going to feel so uncomfortable.
So this is my problem. The whole time having this conversation DH says nothing. Its like I am always the one who has to explain why we have no contact with SD19. It makes me look like the bad guy! This is typical of him, he will just sit back and let me do the talking just like all the stuff SD19 did in these 4 years, it was me who did the talking, me who called the police, etc. I am so tired of being the one responsible for it and yes I know, at least I have a DH who is on my side on not speaking to her but he shouldn't make me look like the only bad guy here. It looks like he is only not talking to her because I don't want to.
I feel like if she does call then he will make up with her and I will have to deal with it. I also don't understand why I need to explain anything to anyone anymore. Its like I should just forget all she has put me through. Well let me just be honest and share what she put me through as far as my health.
2 years ago, I was diagnosed with a co infection of lymes. The numbers were very high and I got so sick. The doctors could not figure out why I was this sick. It turns out I had also developed debilitating anxiety and panic. Yes very physical anxiety. I could not drive a car for 9 months due to severe dizziness. I also had to go back to a doctor because even though I am much better now my left side is still a little messed up. Well this doctor noticed it and she had me run a bunch of tests which are all negative so, so far, its looking like the debilitating anxiety caused me to have mild left sided paralysis. Its not noticeable to people anymore because it has gotten better but 2 years ago it was noticeable. My left hand still has a shake and my left leg constantly falls asleep. So I cant help but not want to forgive her. She made me so sick and in my eyes took 2 years from me. Not to mention the effect it had my little bio girls. I was fully active, happy, pulling a 3.5 GPA in college and 3 months after I graduated I was in the ER swearing I had just had a stroke. When she calls all my anxiety symptoms come back, when I have to see her too. Not to mention the 15k out of pocket after insurance that it cost me to go from doctor to doctor because they couldn't even figure me out. I felt like I was dying for 18 months straight. I was scared for who will take care of my bio girls because they are so young.
Ok sorry to go on and on. I just feel I have one life to live and again I am having thoughts of leaving with my kids and getting a job somewhere else. I want to live my life! I am sick of my life being revolved around stupid SD19. I hate her. I gave her all the damn love in the world and this is what she gave me in return. She is so self centered and so selfish I cant deal with it anymore and all she wants is her dads money! She doesn't want to work so she uses the crap out of people to feed her addiction. She is combative and so is her boyfriend. I am scared of both of them and don't want them around my children.
Thank you for listening. Sorry if I sound like a cold hearted bitch but I am so sick of this pain in my heart!
That health history I gave
That health history I gave you all, it is missing a whole bunch of stuff. I had 31 symptoms at one point. Yes I even did counseling and saw a psychologist. I feel now I can be better. I am just fine when I don't have to deal with her.
Your stress that came from
Your stress that came from this situation is terrible. Toxic to the mind and body. I think you're wise to keep her at arm's length. DH can be involved perhaps, but it sounds too unhealthy for you.
I was concerned about your statement..."My left hand still has a shake and my left leg constantly falls asleep."
I've had anxiety issues. My understanding of the paralysis referred to is that tightening of your jaw and face (and sometimes extremities) that results in the inability to move. I've experienced both but it's supposed to be temporary.
Some meds (among many other things) can cause these symptoms.
I know you've spent a lot of $ so far. Since it's been over a yr (?) I'm wondering if insurance would cover further medical investigation.
Yeah I know. I have seen 3
Yeah I know. I have seen 3 neurologists, 2 disease specialists, general doctor, internal medicine. I had my heart checked with all sorts of tests (I had 4 months of left sided chest pains). I have had MRIs on my head and spine. Chest x-rays. Anyways many many tests. The only reason I am seeing a disease specialist again is out of fate I think. My doctor ran what we thought would be the last lymes test (technically it was babesia, a co infection of lymes) and that test showed positive still after 2 years. So my doctor sent me to this lady. Anyways she told me the test that was ran was just an indication test (meaning I have cells in my body that will say yes I have had this disease. anyways she ran another test and it showed me negative for all lymes and its co infections. Some of my symptoms are still here and she explained that sometimes two things can happen at once and there is a level of anxiety going on due to all I have been through. She spotted the left sided stuff when she was running office tests on me. She told me that was not normal. I told her that I tried to tell my other doctors from where we used to live about my left sided stuff and they told me it was all in my head (they really labeled me for having the anxiety). She ran a comprehensive blood test on me and is thinking of doing a spinal tap. That is where I am at now. Hope she can tell me why, she did say that anxiety can cause it but she didn't want to totally blame that until she had the answers in front of her.
I did go to a psychiatrist and counseling. My issue though with that is that a psych only wants to medicate and I am on one thing for anxiety which works well. My psych wanted me on 3 things and I know this is situational anxiety so I don't want to medicate myself so bad that I cant take care of my own children. I am not anxious all the time, its only when we deal with SD19 now. It used to be all the time for 18 months but that whole time I had her running through my head. Now I don't all the time. Counseling, I would rather talk to a friend or be on here because people end up telling you what to do and I need that. where in counseling they just nod their head. I hate that. I want someone to give me advice and tell me what to do.
Anyways thank you for responding. I am surprised I am sharing all this. Its a big step to admit that I have had issues due to all I have been through. Sometimes I wonder if it caused PTSD. I mean literally it was a 4 year mess. It never gave me a break except when she would run from home. Its sad, I got at one point where she was 17 and I didn't care that she was at her friends for 2 weeks straight because I couldn't deal with her.
Again thank you for listening.
" I accepted the apology and
" I accepted the apology and told her, I forgive you but I don't trust you. You are still on the way outer limits of my circle of life and trust. Walk the talk you speak and we shall see." Good answer!
Please just remove her from
Please just remove her from your life. Tell you DH and her sister to just please not mention her.
Don't invite her to your home. If perhaps she has changed a decade from now you might choose to acknowledge her. But not in the near future at all.
Well I fully understand your
Well I fully understand your feelings. I banned my husbands daughter from my home and life just over two years ago now. My immune system has still not recovered. He stress I lived with for 8 years almost killed me. Every weekend I'd be on tender hooks waiting for that little bitch to appear on my doorstep. My husband would to this day allow her in our home and allow her to disrespect him, while ignoring, isolating myself, butd, if she lowered herself to include me, it was to make some passive aggressive remark. She as long as I live, will never darken my door again, I will never allow her and dh to compromise my health ever again. Stress can and does kill. Get this out of your system. Tell your husband you will never have in your home again, he needs to put your mental, physical and emotional health first. But if he cannot, then you need to. It's a hard thing to have to tell your husband. But I can guarantee, you will feel much better when you do. You need to do ths now, don't hang onto it. It will make you ill.