Am I losing my mind?
So I’m sure a lot of these post start out as “I don’t know what happened, We used to get along so well”. I’m so confused, hurt and at my wits end. I came across this forum late last night after yet another long drawn out battle with my SS18. I’ve never belonged to a forum before so please bare with me as I learn the ropes.
My SS18 has gotten worse and worse over the last 6 year. I meant him when he was 12. In the beginning things were great and we got along, we talked books, movies, joked around etc. He lives with his BM full time and she’s a piece of work, having men over at all hours of the night, stealing money, having her electric shut off or her heat. We tried to get SS to come live with us full time but courts and SS didn’t want that to happen because he’s very much a mama’s boy. In his eyes she can do no wrong. The same with my in law, my SS18 has been so Manipulated by my MIL, SIL, etc because of their narcissistic behavior.
Because of his close relationship with his Fathers family I believe he’s been brianwashed and there’s no hope for him. We’ve cut off contact with all of my in laws because of the unspeakable things they have done to my DH and I (Trust me they would make your head spin) so in retaliation my SS18 has made it impossible to have a relationship with his father and I.
For years we have kept SS out of the arguments, tried keeping him out of the drama but the in laws pull him in, lie to him and manlipulate him. It’s seems these days that because we stood our ground and kept him out of things it’s biting us in the tush now. He says he forms his own opinion when he hasn’t heard both sides or the whole story. He calls his father a worthless peice of S***. Calls him sperm donor instead of dad, refuses to let him come to his high school graduation because his Aunt and Uncle will be there and their family not the sperm donor. We constantly hear “Your new family” when we have done everything to include him. Bought a bigger house so he could have his own room, clothes, musical instruments, beds for his mothers house since he didn’t have one there, the offer of a few car (not new) if he got his license (he refuses to learn how to drive), multiple trips to NYC, Disney, etc
My DH won’t give in, he doesn’t cater to his child and he’s standing his ground with his family. I give him a lot of credit for being able not to give in at this point, I don’t think I could or would have for the sake of my child.
I hope we are doing the right thing. I hope he wakes up someday and see people for who they really are. I keep telling myself this is not him, it’s his mother and grandmother talking threw him. But since this has been going on for 2 years now the more and more I see him slipping away. And my DH getting more and more heart broken every time he misses a life event of his child’s.
I hate to say it but I hope I’m/we’re not the only ones dealing with similar issues. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.