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All the skids animals are here

LordsChick's picture

Soooo..... we have a farm and all of the adult skids horses, cows, etc are here. The middle SS is a good guy but the bookends are horrific! The comments, eye rolling, etc whenever I go outside has driven me over the last decade to retreat inside the house. They even display their behavior at church! So, my “safe places” (home,church) are not safe for me. They are here EVERY weekend riding and yee-hawing and DH always says he doesn’t hear/see any of their behaviors. I have had discussions with them, wrote a letter this past Easter and offered an olive branch- all to no avail. Have spoken to the pastor who said that *I* should tell them not to come over on the weekends if that’s what I wanted. To say my mental health has suffered is an understatement. Been to counselor, now psychiatrist... oh- did I mention I’m the major bread winner and if I say I deserve respect because I “pay for the playground” I’m “arrogant”?? I have no savings because of the expense of the land/horses that I no longer enjoy.....

Monkeysee's picture

You're 'arrogant' because you don't want to spend *your* money on housing your disrespectful skids animals? Not to mention having every weekend ambushed by their presence & behaviour?

You need to have a come to jesus discussion with your 'D'H, he's the problem here.  How very convenient for him that he 'doesn't see' the way they treat you.  And of course he doesn't, he's got everything he wants.  His kids are happy because they don't have to pay to house, feed & care for their animals, he's happy because he gets to see his kids every weekend & play the ever doting daddee, and you're the one providing the resources to fund their little adventures, so it's really costing him nothing.  Nevermind that his wife is unhappy, you're the one causing the problem in his mind!

You need to decide for yourself how long you're going to allow this to continue.  If you're the major breadwinner & are funding the bulk of this property, you have every right to create boundaries for skids & draw deadlines for them.  They have x amount of days/weeks/whatever to find housing for their animals, as you're pulling the plug.  If 'D'H doesn't like it, he can find his own housing as well.

Winterglow's picture

In your bio, you said that they were adults ... so it's time they behaved like adults. Like OP said, give them a stipulated length of time to rehome their animals and if they don't do it, SELL THEM. The way I'd go about it would be to draw them up a bill to pay for their animals and present it and  at the same time tell them they have X time to rehome. Chances are, once the animals are gone, you'll never see them for another weekend again ...

They are not your kids, you should not be footing their bills. 

sandye21's picture

I agree with both Monkeydee and Winter.  Your DH is using you to foot the bill fro HIS entertaining the skids.  As Winter suggested inform DH and skids that they will be paying for their animals or you will be selling them.  If the skids won't pay your DH can get an additional job to do so.  Also, DH should be contributing to 1/2 of the household expenses, in addition to paying for the animals.  If DH is the one calling you arrogant after you contributed so much, you need to drag his a$$ to a marriage counselor or get a good lawyer.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

So these adults who hate you are allowed to keep their animals on your farm FOR FREE? Who's supplying the feed, doing the feeding, and shoveling the sh!t??? This is outrageous. I own horses, I've had boarders, and I've booted boarders for not doing their part to care for their animals. Horses are expensive, constant work, and NO WAY would I do any of that for a$$holes OR for free.

You say you've talked to your pastor, a counselor, and a psychiatrist, but you are not the problem. You have a husband problem, and need to come to grips with the reality that you are being financially exploited by your H. He's so delusional that he's willing to bankrupt you putting his own wants above his duty to his wife.  

You need to save yourself, because no one else is going to. Start by seeing a divorce attorney so you can make informed decisions. Next, cut off the $$$. Separate your finances, close all joint accounts and credit cards, pay only your own expenses, cancel every convenience your H enjoys that you fund, and serve notice to ALL the skids that the animals must go in thirty days. I know you said the middle skid is nice, but you need to retrench and that starts with a zero tolerance policy. You need to lace your bi!ch boots up high and tight and brook no nonsense. Stop being a willing victim and cash cow. Pare expenses down to the bone, make your H pay his share of everything, and operate from a position of strength.

Missingme's picture

One day you will get the Courage to leave his arse.  That’s all.  And best to you until then.