Alcoholic Stepchild and DH Enabler
My 27-year-old stepson is an alcoholic who acts like a 15-year-old. Last summer, DH and stepfather bailed this kid out many times--after he was evicted, after a DWI, after he smashed a car that his mother and stepfather co-signed. The trouble started after a breakup but was building because he drinks and gets mean. He also lost his job last year after he fell asleep because he took too much Xanax. This is a classic addict who blows through medication and drugs like they are water.
This past w/e, steppy went to jail for not paying his DWI fine from last year. DH didn't bail him out and neither did the stepfather. The kid calls with a desparate plea to be bailed out Monday because he didn't have his meds. His ex-girlfriend got him out on a bond.
Since then, step has called making threats in the early hours of the morning. Luckily, we unplug the phone.
DH, though he is trying to set limits, sees his son as a victim. I don't see it that way at all.
You can't help an addict.
You can't help an addict. They have to help themselves. When he hits HIS bottom (it's different for everyone) he'll get better, and not until.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: When you do something for someone that they CAN'T do, you're HELPING, but when you do something for someone that they CHOOSE NOT TO DO, you're ENABLING.
Sounds like progress - DH
Sounds like progress - DH didn't bail SS out of jail. That was the right decision, as hard as I'm sure it was for him.
The other poster is right - NOTHING is going to help SS until HE is ready to get help.
Has your DH tried Alanon?
BF and I are both recovering
BF and I are both recovering alcoholics, and I can tell you that DH must learn to detach-an alcoholic won't get better until they want to, and enabling him will not help at all. Maybe your DH should attend an al-anon meeting.
Everyone should read this and
Everyone should read this and take it as truth, because it is...
Speaking as an alcoholic who
Speaking as an alcoholic who married an alcoholic, (and you can't IMAGINE the drama that was our first two years together) I totally agree with IAC and stepkate. We were damn lucky that we got to the turning point before we got in trouble with the law.
For now, can you record those threats and get your DH to support you in getting a restraining order?
I suggest you ask DH whether
I suggest you ask DH whether you could both go to some Al-anon meetings to learn how best to avoid enabling the SS