Advice please....
I am an engaged 27 year old soon to be SM this Nov. I want to know what other SM's would do in this situation. Last weekend my soon to be SD spent the weekend over with my finacee and I. I don't know if she does thing to try to make me mad and if her mother tell her to say these things. First, she asked me if I knew how her mom and dad met. Let me say this they broke up 7 years ago and him and I have been together for 3 years (She's 7 years old how would she know) I answered no and she explained how they met. Then I have a 6 month old maltese puppy. My puppy jumped up on her, and she called her mom and said my dog attacked her. My puppy weighs like 3 pounds! I was looking at her when my dog jumped on her, I was in the same room when the dog jumped on her and when she called her mom. The funny part was when she hung up with her mom she started playing with my puppy! I was really upset that she sat there and told a lie. So, I asked her why did shse tell her mom my dog attacked her and she said she didn't say that, she said she told her mom Cody (my puppy) jumped on her. I told her I heard what she said and then she was like I thought he scratched me. So I said well show me where he scratched you and I will get something to put on it and a bandaid. So she look at her hands, arms and legs and didn't find anything. Then she bust out and starts crying. I asked her why is she crying. She said she doesn't like to get in trouble. I explain she is not in trouble I just want her to tell the truth. Then she confess she did say my dog attacked her and she don't know why she did. She said sometime she just makes up story. At this point I do not want her to visit anymore. Everytime she visit it is always something? One other thing I always have to fight with her just to take a bath. When we go places for instance, I told her and my neices to Incredible Pizza. I was so embrassed because she was dirty and her hair was dirty too. Am I wrong to not want her to visit.
Her dad works in the evening
Her dad works in the evening so he is not around when she does these things. When he is around she's an angel. Making up stories is new behaviour but not wanting to take a bath isn't. Like the first time she didn't want to take a bath I told her dad and his reply was you can't make someone take a bath. Recently, he has sided with me and has to force her to bath.
Yes
She's a kid. Kids do this stuff. Don't get married to a guy with children unless you're willing to take on some of it. If the kid was 14 my answer might be different.
I wrote this a long time ago and I hope this helps with your problem. It may not reflect your exact situation but you'll get the idea:
The situation with my step-kids finally got to the point where I decided that my efforts to raise them was futile.
First I told my wife in private what I was going to do and why.
Then I stopped investing myself, time and money in their upbringing. I realized that by conscious choice I could cease being responsible for them or their actions. Neither would I take credit for how they turned out, good or bad. I simply stopped interfering in their lives. This is not to say if they would start a fire on the living room floor I would not intervene. But if they did not do the laundry as scheduled I ignored it. Nor did I do any of their chores. If the trash overflowed in the kitchen - well tough. Mom dealt with it when she got home.
You will be absolutely amazed at the look on a kids face when s/he realizes you don't care enough to even tell their bio-parent they did something wrong. And you'll be amazed at their future behavoir and attitude towards you.
I stayed friendly enough and taught one how to drive when she was old enough. But they could no longer blame me for the consequences of misbehaving just because I saw the misbehavoir. I never told. If they were caught in a infraction it was not my fault. They began to realize that they were responsible for their actions because of what they did not because I caught them.
I would talk to my wife in private if I had issues, but once she made the decision I backed her up 100%.
Once the kids realized I was no longer the ogre they thought I was their attitude changed. I was not their friend, but neither was I the enemy. They came to realize that I had not done those things to irritate them. They in fact missed the things that they had come to depend on me doing. Permission to go to the mall when their Mom was not home? "Sorry, can't do that".
Their mother slowly came to realize that I wasn't overreacting to their actions. In fact I wasn't reacting at all. She came to understand that she would have to control the situation and she did.
With that things got much easier around the house.
Billions of kids grew up in the world without help from me and turned out just fine.
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There's an exception to everything I say.
keep it simple
Ive had all kinds of similiar garbage too! Ive had them giving hourly reports via IM to BM & all kinds of crazy stuff. My best suggestion is to COMPLETELY IGNORE IT ALL! Many times they are looking for attention thru their drama. You know that we dont have to buy into that garbage. Take a walk with the dog or disengage from it & you'll see that you can stick it out and be happy in your life no matter what chaotic mess they are creating all around you