Adult stepdaughter cannot grow up and stop asking for $$$$
My stepdaugher is 23 and studying abroad in Paris. She completely wasted her time and our money on college in the states to the tune of $75K, and walked away with nothing. Now she is in Paris at a fashion school for 3 years, still trying to "launch" and become a productive responsible adult. My DH and I did not support her taking off to Paris, and encouraged her to finish college in the states.
Her biomom is unable to give her daughter any life lessons, and only coddles her every whim. We explained if she went to Paris, she's on her own for room and board, and monthly expenses. Beyond tuition, we were not contributing to this whim, and once her 529 college savings plan was depleted, so was our financial support. She was told, do not ask us for money since you know where we stand. To our knowledge, she is being supported while in Paris by her mother, grandmother and greatgrandmother.
Since January, she has asked my DH periodically for $150-200 and her reasons for the need of the money as at best sketchy. Especially, when all I see is her "black out partying" in the bars on Instagram. Yesterday, my DH says to me..."I need you to put $150.00 into (stepdaughters) account tomorrow. I respond, "why now?" He says, "because she asked if I could send her $200 because she has some friends visiting this week and wants to be able to go out do things while they are there." "Then, he says...I get it, I don't blame her and she doesn't ask us for money often."
I respond with, oh really..well I beg to differ. She has asked for money 3 times since January and you cave in everytime. What message do you think you're sending her other than "if I ask Dad, he will send me money?" He gets all defensive and flustered because I know he's uncomfortable. I then ask him, "why hasn't she found a job yet?" I can tell you if I had no money to do anything, I would be either living within my means, or find a job to fund my incidentals. This just really unnerves me, and it's not about the money but the principal and the fact that she is very good a using "guilt" as a manipulation to get what she wants.
What are your thoughts about this?