Adult Stepchildren Issues - Opinions/advice appreciated!
Hi All - Newbie here - first post - I'll try to be brief.
I have 2 adult stepchildren - ss is 25 and sd is 22. I have a 13 year old daughter living with us, and my husband and I have been married for a year and a half. My daughter and I moved into their house after we married.
SS lives here. Very quiet - hardly ever see him. He works full time and makes about 22k a year. Pays no rent, only has car payment and insurance. Husband makes his lunch for him for the week. My issue with him is that he seems to have no intention of ever moving out. He doesn't have ANY money whatsoever which I can't figure out. This month, he almost had his car repo'd and dad made the payment for him (a gift not a loan). He does nothing around the house at all. I've asked hubby to ask him to chip in with the chores - all I asked was for him to vacuum the downstairs and hubby told him (reluctantly I'm sure cause he never, ever asked anything of either kid) and it was never done. Just ignored. Even though he lives here for free, has his lunches made for him and gets bailed out when he needs it, he has never given my husband a card even for father's day or for his bd... That annoys me too and I am wondering if I should just SAY something to my SS?
SD is working and moved out to Philly. She got an apt. that is too expensive for her, and when I brought this up, it was largely ignored. Now I find out she's asking dad to pay her parking fees - $175 monthly. She texted him late last night (when we were in bed) and asked him to put the money in her account. This is the first I've heard of this. I feel that she too is lazy and spoiled. When she lived here, hubby never asked a thing of her, and though working, she would go to him for money, a car, or whatever.
Hubby doesn't tell me about these things. I find out indirectly and have pointed this out to him. I feel that he should tell me when these issues come up, but he probably doesn't want to hear any grief. I feel resentful. I feel that if adult children are asking for financial help, they should be held accountable as to WHY, and help them figure out a way to support themselves. SD goes out partying and shopping, but she can't afford to pay her garage fees? I am sure if she has any other "emergencies" that dad will be asked for "help" ... he is never asked for a loan - just freebies.
What do I do? I feel as soon as I bring these things up that the wall goes up with the hubby. I don't bring it up a lot because I don't want to seem a "nag". Hubby is wonderful to me and my daughter, but I feel that kids need to show some responsibility, and apparently, he feels differently.
Do I talk to the "kids" myself? Do I suggest that hubby and I talk to them together? I don't feel that hubby and I are on the same page at all, and I don't know how to get there. I've been patient, but my patience is running thin. I feel that he should be up front with me and that he should demand accountability from them. Am I asking too much?
Thanks for letting me vent!