Adult Step Daughter and Enabling Fathers
My DH is a wonderful man, a hard worker, good provider all round good guy , unfortunately he is also an enabler. It caused many discussions between us in our early days of dating, and whilst I fell in love in with him, I wouldn't live with him until he made his adult children more independent. It was sickening to see a grown man come home after working sometimes for 24 hours ( he did 2 jobs when we first me), and be asked by his then 22 - 23 yr old daughter when is dinner, whats for dinner ! She got home every day hours before him and watched TV programmes she had recorded. This was only one of many many things where he was taken advantage of , he did all the cooking, paid for a weekly cleaner and all the bills of course, they weren't even paying board, he also did all the ironing and washing and kept a fantastic garden while the adult kids basically sat in front of TV all the time. I kept my mouth shut in our early days of dating and just tried to enjoy our time together.
When he asked me to marry him and move in with him, approx a year into our relationship, I had to be honest and explain while I loved him, I wouldn't be marrying him or moving in with him till he made his adult children more independent. We weathered many storms and eventually did marry, about 2 years later.
Many things have changed from when I first moved in but one thing that remains constant is the childish behaviour from his adult daughter. We did get her into her own flat about a year after we married, but she constantly phones or texts him with the most stupid requests to fix this do that and all other sorts of nonsense. Most of these things she could do herself or get her BF to do and some of the questions she asks my DH are just rubbish, she knows the answers its all attention seeking.
What I don't understand is:
1. Why do adult step daughters seek attention from their fathers ?
2. Why do men like my DH enable them ?