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Adult SNiece - a rant.

Flustered's picture

Submitted by Flustered on Sat, 10/08/2022 - 10:46pm

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Adult Stepchildren

Anyone have family That is DH family who are steps and you really get along? More than SD? I adore his niece and SIL and nieces kids( my SN, SSIL, ETC). So much so they are contingents in our wills if something happens to SD ( it’s her aunt and cousin).@ my insistence. The SD doesn’t know this, thinks only my BDs kids are in it (a trust). I am not telling SD. Again, thiscauses angst/ SD figures I screwed her in my new will ( same as old, just my BD not DH as executor) . I know telling SD would be wrong.... she’s poking in my will ( trying to) even knowing that besides the BD’s kids/ my GKs  there is no difference from her father’s. I just wish SNiece lived close (1500 miles away.... not close ) honestly? I’m beginning to feel like SD share should just go to her cousin lately with the angst at getting possessions she thinks are hers, beyond her father’s will. Last sentence is rant.  Needed to rant! Thx.

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Submitted by ImperfectlyPerfect on Thu, 10/13/2022 - 3:09pm

Yeah - you don't owe her a damn thing. Rags is correct hand over a letter if you want to explain otherwise put her in for $2 so it's clear that you did not forget her just didn't want to give this to her. 

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Thu, 10/13/2022 - 3:17pm

It's funny, I looked that up recently, because GBM died and left everything to her cousin, so Satan is contesting her will.

https://www.legalnature.com/guides/how-to-leave-an-heir-out-of-your-will

Leaving $1 creates more problems – There seems to be a misconception that leaving an heir $1, or other nominal amount, is a good way to keep them from inheriting and is an effective way to disinherit them. However, that is likely to create more problems than necessary. Under laws of probate in all states, the person will be notified that he or she was named in your will as a beneficiary. Then, that person will be let down by the news that it was only $1. A check from the estate in the amount of $1 will have to actually be delivered to the beneficiary, increasing the costs of probate.

 

OP, your SD is a twunt and if I were you I'd remove her from my will.  Please see the link above to find out how to do that.  It's important that you mention her so she knows she's wasn't accidently overlooked.

 

Flustered's picture

Submitted by Flustered on Fri, 10/14/2022 - 12:33pm

If adult SD doesn't like a 50/50 split w/ BD of WHAT WE HAD FROM MARRIAGE UNTIL MY DH DIED? Tough s**t. Anything after the day he died coming to me ( his pension, my pension SS?) it's going in a different account. That means our 50% checking and savings and investments and 50% of house. Her fathers death ended her part of the estate. Now it's my estate.

she said she should get " all her dads money before marriage" . We didn't do things like that -- and he never saved then except his IRA. She already ( accidentally) got his ROTH/ financial guy screwed up w/ beneficiaries, so I gave my BD the same $$.

what we saved for BGC doesn't fit in nor does BD account to buy a house from us.

But after all the rants? Every penny after my DH died coming to me? An account that my BD will get

Notthedoormat's picture

Submitted by Notthedoormat on Mon, 11/14/2022 - 4:41pm

Could you leave her with best wishes and leave it at that, or state that you made no monetary or material provision for SD and that be enough to keep her from contesting it?

Flustered's picture

Submitted by Flustered on Fri, 10/14/2022 - 12:41pm

Her very lovely cousin ( my SN & her BC) are my SD's contingent on her half of will. ( cash) I am very happy to put her there. My BGCs trust is contingent on all else. 

Flustered's picture

Submitted by Flustered on Sun, 11/13/2022 - 3:23am

It truly is a sad day when you wish your SNiece Was your SD. I would take my S niece any day from now until the time the world stops over my SD. Sweet kind well mannered well brought up and not someone who will stab you in the back. This is a girl who will call me up and make sure that I am OK that her mother will… Well her cousin my SD comes over to raid  the house...

 

it's unfortunate that in my state if someone was in a will at any time? If you take them out they can challenge the entire estate at a future time. At this point in time I'm ready to give everything for my husband's side of the family to the S niece and her children as opposed to my ungrateful SD. The other half going to my BD and her children/my BG. I just realized I've been going through this for close to 25 years /24 of us together, 23 Married. I was married to my DH longer than my SD's mother was/she died when my SD was a teenager. My husband lived here for over 50 years, I have lived here 24, his first wife lived here 23, and my SD lived here 21. Considering I'm not going here I am at the second longest resident of this house. It's really sad when I start thinking of Mike DH his niece is more viable for where her money should go on that side of the family then his BG/my SD. It's been a long couple of weeks

Flustered's picture

Submitted by Flustered on Thu, 11/17/2022 - 9:51pm

I am blessed my SD is not my BD.  I am also blessed I have great SILS  BIL and Son-in - law as well as nieces and nephews, by blood or from my husbands side. 
I should count each blessing.... however, I will always be sad that my SD  is feeling as she does/ BECAUSE my BD and my BGC  idolized my DH.