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4 months to the day without a word from SD. I'm happy as a clam!

fadedbackground's picture

Well we are at the 4 month mark since SD 22 had her screaming fit and left in the middle of the night swearing that H isn't her dad and BM and her never liked him and how she doesn't want him calling her his daughter anymore. Which is funny because just a few hours earlier they were getting along just fine and she said that she and her boyfriend wanted to come up again for H's birthday in February and that she also wanted to bring her friends, but after H trying to talk to her about doing something with her life (like getting her GED and going to college to do something other than work a $10/hr convenience stroe job and smoke pot and play video games) she hated him and never wanted anything more to do with him. She also complained endlessly abot the boyfriend and how lazy he was but when H would try and talk to her about leaving him she'd get upset. Keep in mind that she had arrived at our place earlier that day after flying up because we were flying out the next day for our Disney World trip that had been in the making for 8 months. I had been against her coming from the start knowing it was going to be a shit show but H said that things would be fine and he'd keep it light and how she just HAD to meet her extended family who she's never met in her 22 years but now she just had to. Nope, shit show happened after only 12 hours of being there and I'm so thankful it happened before we left the next day. Everything worked out. We got her part of the hotel room and Disney tickets refunded and got a voucher to use the plane ticket sometime this year. She left without taking her teddy bear, makeup, game console cord and black dress which she said was hers but was really BM's. I got a text at like 4Am from SD sayign to send back the stuff she left. I showed H and he said in his not so fatherly way that "This is Tom. My wife and I are going on vacation and will send it back when we return." The mother then texted ME, not H but ME, asking the same thing. H told me to ignore her, which I did. We got back and he still made no effort to send back her things. BM texted ME again a month later asking me to send her SD's things and she'd pay postage. This time I just blocked her. Why isn't SD the one asking for her things? Why is BM doing all the work? Just like BM paid to fly her up ot our place then paid to have an Uber pick her up at 2AM and I'm sure paid to fly SD back home the next day. SD has her on speed dial anytime things get too real for her to handle.

Anyways, I couldn't be happier that I don't have to deal with SD. No more wondering if she's going to call up H at midnight because her boyfriend isn't being nice. No more wondering if H is going to tell her to come up for a visit. And DEFINITELY no longer have to be afraid of H constantly telling me he wants SD to move up here and get away from the drama down there! That has been haunting me since he started bringing this up to her back in 2011. She almost did back in 2012 but it didn't happen, thank god! I can only imagine if we had to live with her now with this whole coronavirus thing and not being able to get away from her. No way! 

Now as much as I'm happy about not having her in my life and as much as H seems to be ok with is now, I don't want him to never have a relationship with her. He just needs to understand that "I" don't want to have a relationship with her and stop trying to get me to spend time with her. Maybe a in a few years she'll come around and speak to him, but he needs to go to her and not have her come here. Funny thing is when she was here that last time, I just about lost it from the 20 minute drive home from the airport. She was nonstop talking about nothing. Then we were home for 2 hours and more nonstop talking about nothing and I said I was going to go lay down for a nap just to get away from her. H follows me in a few minutes later and naps as well. HE couldn't even stand being around her for those few hours and he thought it would be a great idea to take a week long trip with her??!!

piegirl's picture

Glad you've been free from the SD drama for the past 4 months, it must feel like bliss. Just remember though when DH re-engages with SD to hold your ground and stay out of it - for your own health! Good luck and enjoy the peace.

fadedbackground's picture

Before this happened I would freak out every time she called becasue it was so rarely."Does she want to come visit? Did her boyfriend break up with her? Did she decide to move up here?"  And I would always brace myself becasue if she just called to ask about a video game or something and they'd talk for a bit I just knew he was going to say to her at the end of the conversation "Why don't you come up for a weekend?" She would either say that they would eventually or a weekend would be decided on and then I'd be unhappy that whole week leading up to it only for her to cancel a day before practically every time.

And my god, I checked our phone records daily to see if there were any texts or calls between them because so much of these talks were never mentioned to me. Not that I need to know every conversation, but he'd ask her to come up and plans were made and then later that day he'd tell me that she and the boyfriend and maybe even another couple were going to come up that weekend. You know because I'm cool with it and it's not a big deal and there's no reason to discuss it with me first!! It's a huge fu**ing deal! Sometimes I would see like 20 texts back and forth and would freak out until I could get a loook at H's phone only to see that it was back and forth about a question she had or something and not plans to come up and then I could relax.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Since things are relatively calm now, and SD can't visit anyway due to corona,  I'd sit DH down and tell him that you are not comfortable with hosting SD and her boyfriend in your home due to the conflict she brings.  If possible, I'd suggest that DH reserve and pay for a hotel room for SD.  Tell him that since she is an adult, she may not feel comfortable sleeping in your home with her boyfriend.  So he should get them a room.

Then when she cancels at the last minute, and he gets to foot the bill, he may not be so generous with offering for her to come and visit!

fadedbackground's picture

Well I honestly don't think I have to worry about that. They haven't even spoke in 4 months and I doubt that IF they did talk soon for whatever reason, she certainly isn't going to ask to come up to visit!

And I would LOVE to see how they are coping through this whole Coronavirus thing. Last we heard, and what it says on his Facebook page, is that he was working as a T-Mobile rep. I think those stores are closed now or at least workign at 1/2 capacity. Also last we knew is that SD was working at a convenience store, but who knows now. She changes jobs all the time saying that her boss hates her or her coworkers hate her. They had a hard time paying their share of the bills as it was even with his brother living with them and splitting their $800 rent 3 ways. I can only imagine now. They are probably living with BM or his parents. 

Rags's picture

DH to Sd:  
"Well my dear, you are a dope smoking willfully ignorant POS so it is no great loss.  Buh-bye.  Write when you choose to step up and stop being a POS.  And have learned to read and write."

fadedbackground's picture

Well, it's been over 5 months of no contact from SD and I still couldn't be happier! It is such a weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that SD isn't going to call up H in the middle of the night becasue her boyfriend was a jerk and then the constant wondering on if she's going to come up, for how long, and who is she going to bring. I don't know how long this is going to last. I really would like to know what's going on with her now with this whole coronavirus thing and if she's working, if she finally went to her esthetician shcool that she talked so much about, where they are living now if they can or can't afford rent, if she's still with the bf. She can talk such bs that you never know exactly what is turth and what isn't. 

What kills me is that you have no idea who she is because she changes with whoever she's dating. At 17 she was all preppy and the Abercrombie and Fitch girl and had friends that dressed like her and were all about being pretty. Then at 18 she was dating someone who was into motorcyles and then all of a sudden she talked to us like she was super into motorcycles and wanted H to get her one. She started dressing all motorcycle chic in leather and tight clothes. Then at 20 she meets her current hippie boyfriend and now she dresses in tye dye and flannel and loose fitting, baggy clothes and doesn't shower very often or shave her legs. It's like "who are you and what do you want to do with your life because you become whoever you are dating!"