In 2 weeks it all might explode!
Let me preface this by saying I have a 19 and 16 yr old stepsons and my husband and I have a 12 yr old. One year ago the 19-year old left our house under bad circumstances, the last straw being cussing out our 12-year-old son. Fast forward to today the 19 yr old moved to TX and got kicked out of his half-sister's house, my brother-in-law's house and paternal grandmother's house for refusing to keep a job and acting out and cussing people out. My brother-in-law called and told DH his son was homeless and living on the street. The 19 yr old reached out to DH and confirmed this and said he was going to come back home, this was October. Three weeks ago the brother-in-law called us and told us the 19 yr old was wanted by the police in connection to a murder. We found out the 19 yr old wasn't involved but a guy he hangs out with got in a fight with someone and beat the guy to death. In addition to this the 19 yr old, told my 16 yr old step son he had stolen a large number of drugs and had to move out of town. So the 19 yr old moved out of town in with his maternal grandmother, then cussed her out, got kicked out and then she let him back in. Fast forward again, the 19 yr old called and now wants to move back home in 2 weeks. I am against him coming home as we have two other impressionable kids at home and the 19 yr old has not changed his behavior. What can I do to convince my husband this is a bad idea.
How dumb is your husband that
Why would your husband have to be convinced that this is a bad idea? He has two minors at home that he needs to protect from all of this crap.
Yes, it's his son, but he's 19 and has brought all of this on himself, he needs to deal with it.
No. Way.
Your husband is an absolute idiot. Does he not realize that by letting this guy into his house, he is welcoming all that he brings with him? Drugs. Crime. Violence. Conflict.
I would suggest you contact an attorney, outline the problems your SS has, and then ask for guidance. If your husband is so stupid he doesn't realize the danger to his minor children and wife, not to mention LIABILITY for letting this punk be a part of the household, then maybe a third party can spell it out for him.
"DH, if you want him back
"DH, if you want him back under your roof, then I suggest you find a new roof to live under. He steps foot in this house ans I WILL call the police and turn him in for any and everything. Yes, I will end this marriage over this. He WILL NOT live here."
This is a hill to die on, so make your stand and make your DH more scared of you than he is of his son.
Absolutely this. If he doesn
Absolutely this. If he doesn't "understand" this is a bad idea, there is no hope.
My situation has not fallen
My situation has not fallen this deep, but I am preparing to tell DH I will never live with SS18. He's headed this route. I have a 6yo and will not allow SS to live in our house. I would divorce over this issue.
Just say NO
SS can not come to your home. NO
Thank you
Thank you all for your comments. I am against him coming home as well. I just needed some validation that I was correct in not wanting him to come back. I will be showing DH these comments to let him know as well!
Ummmm... call the police, let
Ummmm... call the police, let them know where he is and if he shows up have 911 on speed dial so that you can get the cops there to haul him back South for the Murder investigation. File a PO/RO to keep hom the hell away from your 12yo and your family.
DH gets no say.
Protect your family in spite of what DH might feel about it all.
Sometimes a SP has to mitigate the emotion of the BioParent in the blended family world.
Might as well leave and file
Might as well leave and file for divorce, in that case. Which isn't a bad idea, but she can't expect to go scorched earth and have DH thank her for it.
If a bio parent would divorce
If a bio parent would divorce over a kid who is a career criminal and wanted in connection with a murder investigation them good riddance.
Is do nothing even an option in this case?
What are the solutions?
I recommend solutions.
Yes, I'm certain a bio parent
Yes, I'm certain a bio parent would say, "Thank you so much for mitigating my emotion by having my child arrested! What would I do without you! I love you more than ever!"
Don't pretend your unrealistic "solution" wouldn't just end the marriage, so divorce is what the OP would have to do.
The OP's spouse knows his adult son is a criminal
The OP's spouse knows his adult son is a criminal and knows that he has no business endangering people in the marital home and blended family.
This is not a minor child. This is a criminal adult
The OP and her DH of course discuss things. Giving DH the message that the criminal has no place in the home or blended family is not a difficult concept to understand. Partricularly the 12yo minor BK that DH shares with the OP. If DH would let the criminal return, he is a write off for endangering the 12yo.
Emotion is not effective when addressing problems. Or at least it is extremely rare for it to be.
IMHO of course.
No. Is a complete sentence.
SD20 has asked DH to "put her first for once, ahead of his stupid wife and let her move in to her old room", and DH told her "talk to cLove". Crickets. lol. He has told her no a few times when shes asked.
SD20, has stolen over 1200k from cashing checks on her mothers account, has verbally abused DH, myself, her BM, her sister. Lies constantly, has no job, refuses to go get one, has no drivers license and refuses to get one, parties with friends, trashes any place she exists...Id say with a criminal you can just say no and that should be the end of it.
Shouldn't matter whether the
Shouldn't matter whether the person is a criminal or not. "No" means just that. No.
I'm going to play devil's
I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Personally as a SM nope- he's gone . But I can understand why DH wants to help his son. It's his kid and when kids get involved in destructive behavior instincts kick in to help. But at the cost of your 12 year old together? At the cost of your marriage. Yikes.
The problem is if you read these blogs and boards that one instance of help often turns into an abusive cycle that either never breaks or results in divorce.
If he does not give up on this besides leaving him ( which I don't disagree with btw) consider harsh ground rules and dates for milestones. Get set up on a monthly lease which you as a family can renew stating ground rules. Get nanny cams in every open space of the house. Be watchful of your younger kids around him.
Do I think it'll work ? Probably not. Just a suggestion after studying the fine ladies here with adult stepkids that move back in with dadddeee once again.
If
If there is any chance ss returns home or to your city.....protect your ds and ss. And remove anything of value in your home. Your oss could rob you blind. It happens. He needs 24 hour supervision. Does your dh want to do that?