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19 Year Old Stepson Moving back in!

Iceintheback's picture

Sad My stepson is 19 years old and he and I just don't get along! Honestly as bad as it sounds I truly despise him! He is my wifes first born, so naturally he means the world to her. So much so that when he comes around she seems to put him first in everything making the other two children feel left out. Unfortunately this is not the only issue! My wife and I have a wonderful relationship provided we are not dealing with issues concerning the children.

Justus 19- My wife sent him to live with his dad when he was 14 and he resents her for it. He was too unmanageable and disrupting the other two childrens lives.

Dallas 15- Dalas is bipolar and he and I have a very rocky relationship. He is currently treated with meds but has his moments!

Katelyn 10- Katelyn unfortunately suffers because of the turmoil the other two kids cause.

Justus went to live with his dad in Missouri 5 years ago. His dad is a real winner which is why my wife is no longer with him, but thats another story. When Justus turned 18, his dad up and moved out and left Justus there. My wife has tried to help him out on too many occasions. The only time he calls her is when he needs/wants something and my wife is giving it to him before he has even asked. This casues some friction between her and I. He has been extremely rude and nasty to her. He is disrespectful and that is the part I can't deal with! Last year my wife allowed Justus and his girlfriend to come live with us against my better judgment. I kept my mouth closed as he and his girlfriend destroyed our house, picked on his siblings, disrespected his mother and quite possibly got involved in drugs! Kelley (my wife) and I had to leave the state for a few days and left the kids home...It wasn't 12 hours till Dallas was calling us crying that Justus had locked him out of the house. This is an 18 year old kid! The next day when we came home, come to find that Justus had allowed people in our hot tub, and let them smoke in our home! Hell, I don't even smoke in our house! He also left his 10 year old sister home alone all night where she was scared out of her mind so that he could go out and party! I was furious! Fortunately so was Kelley and promptly kicked them out! Well he got mad at her and stopped calling her...In set the guilt. When he did call her it was for money again! Apparently Justus beat up his girlfriend and she called the cops on him. Kelley did not believe it and let him come back home. Justus was to get a job, but never did and ended up moving back to Missouri again. Six months later he calls Kelley for more money. Since then he has not called her until just a couple of days ago. Kelley received a text that read "sorry i haven't called, trying to figure out what to do with my life!" and then, "I want to come home, get in shape and join the Air Force" It has always been Kelleys dream that he would join the armed forces. Without consulting me, Kelley sends him a plane ticket! I was and still am livid. I know that this is her son, but he has done nothing but lie and be disrespectful! When i expressed my disdain Kelley immediately went into battle mode and pretty much told me how she thought it was going to be. Now,I am in no way a pushover that let's his wife dictate how our lives are going to be run, but it has been nothing but miserable around my house. We had plans to go to my parents for Thanksgiving. I do not want Justus to go but I do not want him in my house alone! I'm in a real lousy situation! How do I deal with my wife and her son? I feel like I'm trapped in a losing battle. Sometimes I simply want to pack it up and go!

LizzieA's picture

That was not cool she bought his ticket without consulting you. Even if he had been wonderful to date, it still should have been discussed. Your wife is setting things up to be her and him against you. Not a smart move and I don't blame you for being teed off.

karenemoy's picture

I feel for you - I am in similiar situation - SS20 - also bi-polar and a recovering herion addict as well. Kicked out of house but very afraid husband will let him back in because he feels sorry for him. SS 20 only calls when he wants somthing. No job - living with some family of a friend. Still lying and manipulating ( just like his BM).

It it a very bad situation. But you have to remain objective and point out to your wife that she is is just enabling him which is wrong.

I told my husband me or his son - SS 20 would love for me to be out of the picture then he could suck the life and money out of his dad. There is strength in numbers.

Hang in there. I stay to protect my husband because I know his ex and Son will just make his life miserable if I was not around.