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Need a Financial Matters Forum

Stepmom23456's picture

Would it be possible to start a financial matters forum for blended families to share their strategies?

ESMOD's picture

Strategy number one for stepparents.... Keep your finances separate

Strategy number two for stepparents.... Anything you financially contribute to your stepchildren is a 100% voluntary gift. You are not obligated to support someone else's children. Also, do not expect the CHILDREN to be thankful for any support because it is their parent's obligation to support them.. their parents owe you the thank you. (not referring to the niceties of thanking people for

Stepmom23456's picture

Thanks so much Esmod. This makes it very clear. I have since stopped paying 50/50 on outtings.. If he wants to to get his kids lunch he pays for it. I get my own kid a treat and don’t have to feel like I have to get one for his kids. I have stopped buying “treat” foods for his kids for the house. I won’t pay for any activities or supplies. If his is the only one that drinks milk he buys it, not me. How does all this sound. I’ve so much money I can’t belive it!

ESMOD's picture

Splitting things can be as fine of a line as you want or need it to be.

Personally, I did most of the grocery shopping and treats for everyone ended up on the list. My DH paid his share of groceries..

If you both have kids and the spend for an outing is relatively even, it's like friends who go out and just split a bill 50/50.. if everyone is participating at the same level.. the minor up or down on either side isn't important.

Now, it's different if lets say his kids are older and eating full priced steaks while your one kid is eating a chicken nugget off the kid's meal.

Sometimes my DH would pick up the tab for all.. sometimes I would.

Personally, I didn't mind spending a bit on my SD's.. but it was my choice to do so.

But household bills were on a set split and we just each contributed our share. How you determine what is a fair split is up to you.. probably depends on visitation and full time occupancy.. relative incomes etc...

Stepmom23456's picture

He eats a lot of meat and his kids order full sized adult entrees. The other day SD and I split an entree no sides. They definitely consume more resources while we are out and in the house. He has two kids I have one kid. So paying for ourselves makes sense to me. His kids are here 50 percent of the time so we go 50/50 mortgage and utilities. We did the math and he would end up paying 48% and me 52% becasue we live there full time. But when you factor in food consumption they eat 60%. If they want a family membership somewhere SD and I don’t frequent he pays for it himself and same on my side. I went into this a year ago happily thinking that I now have three kids instead of one and was glad to take in the responsibility open heartedly but after getting yelled at four times by SD in the last year I changed my mind three weeks ago!

Stepmom23456's picture

I meant DD and I. But there have been times where i ordered a drink and DD ordered a big dish and DH just picked up the tab. so maybe it does even out in the end. I may be nitpicking because I’m still hanging onto resentment and DH is able to let things go much quicker than I am able to. That is one of my biggest faults. Hanging on to resentment. It’s been three weeks.