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Starla's picture

You have the right, put your heart out there, care for, entertain, be there, provide, be unselfish, teach, share your partner, & work your schedule around the step kid/kids.

Have no opinion, give no discipline, right or wrong be supportive, never bash a birth parent, love all your hate, want them around when your partner wants them around, & make sure you focus on all of their needs.

When you marry a man that is a father or a woman that is a mother, them are your rights!

God bless ALL step parents & hope your partner is worth it Smile

FeuilleMorte's picture

Yep, that's what I signed up for when I married a man with children. And yes, he is worth it. And so are the children, by the way.

aggravated1's picture

I do not remember getting this particular rule book. Was this meant to be sarcastic? :?

starfish's picture

WTF planet did you come from??

i'm confused on where "them" rights originated, certrainly not in my marriage vows.

Starla's picture

Well I came from Earth, have no birth children & am a step mother of two. This site has helped my DH & I with accepting our emotions about his two teenagers. As I spent time reading many posts by other step parents, I cant help it but to find it sad how some people feel that they are dammed if they do & dammed if they don't when it comes to step parenting. People keep saying you can't parent someone elses kid.

I said what I said because that is how my step kids make me feel. I still love them & would give my life for them & their dad is an amazing man! I don't believe his own kids even give him a chance. We can not fault the kids for that because their BM is really a messed up person & she has them brainwashed.

Maybe I'm in denial about this parenting business. There has got to be an in between for step kids & step parents. My DH tells me to discipline yet I feel wrong about it!

I also said what I said because the step parents who do love their step kids problems & all & love their husband/wife deserve happiness.

caregiver1127's picture

Have no opinion, give no discipline, right or wrong be supportive

Is this for real because my DH and I have a very loving and wonderful relationship but before we got married we both sat down and talked and agreed that we would back each other up including the discipline for his son and that we would be a united front - to say no opinion and give no discipline in my book is just stupid and asking for trouble - I disciplined my SS and I always have an opinion - once SS starts paying his own mortgage and can support himself then he can have an opinion and he won't be disciplined - also if I see something that is wrong it is against my very nature to support it and thankfully my DH loves me the way I am and has never tried to change me and actually tells me all the time that this marriage is the best one.

And as SF said not in my marriage vows - DH married me and when SS graduates this year he will venture out into the world and it will be DH and I and our DD and then when DD leaves it will be DH and I so why would you write something that would make a woman resent her husband and quite frankly if you have been reading the boards this is the biggest problem in a blended family - Congrats you just gave children who are not mature enough the power over you - no thanks not for me!!

Starla's picture

Really good points there, I like the way you & your DH work together as well. My DH & myself approach issues in a united front too & it seems to be the most effective. Much of which on my post is an expression of speech & the kids will always try to use the parent thing over my head.

I pick & choose battles when it comes down to it. I use to be afraid of my step dad due to his ways of disciplining my brothers & I. Being a step parent now, I never want the kids to have that same fear about me but I get in their face when I need to. Always worry that I was to harsh & never let them know that emotion though. I don't spank, ground them, wash their mouths out, & such but their dad will as I be there. Afterwards, everyone involved sits down & talks about it together (including myself), than move on.

The only things I keep my opinion quiet about is our difference of opinion with religion, BM's parenting, & SS being gay. He believes that he is gay but DH & I don't see that in him. He thinks im judging him on the gay thing but little does he understand I could care less if he is gay or straight. That topic will be talked about someday when the time feels right.

Kristin1979's picture

"Have no opinion, give no discipline"????

Um EXCUSE ME? I WILL decide what are or are not MY RIGHTS when I bust my ASS to raise 3 step children as if they were my own. To keep them fed, clothed, educated, kind, guided, loved,clean, constantly learning new life skills, loving and cared for at all times including sickness and sadness... YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND if you think that you can just hand out what is or is not someone's place (i.e. a step parent) simply because they "married into it" or "didn't give birth to them."

Being a parent is about dedication, sacrifice, joy, heartache, worry, happiness, anger, guidance, strictness,respect, understanding, pride and HARD WORK! A step parent (an involved one like myself)has to EARN THAT! I have EARNED every tear, every tough moment, every single sacrifice for them. I didn't just marry their Father I married THEM! My step son was the best man and my step daughters (twins) were my junior brides maids. We are a family! This is OUR home, these are MY/OUR rules. I have EVERY right to an opinion, and to ABSOLUTELY discipline them (never physical of course)when they are being disrespectful in MY CARE and in MY/OUR HOME I have earned it... How dare you set the proverbial bar lower than deserved to the achieved! Shame on you... Sad

Momma1987TC's picture

I completely agree with you! I married the kid when I married her dad. You don't get to pick and choose what part you want to be involved in. As to what disciplinary rights you have as a step parent, that is completely up to the bio parent. If the bio parent says you can spank the child as you see fit to, grounding, or any other discipline, that is the bioparents' choice! not anyone elses! My husband has given me full permission to raise his daughter as I would my own child (since I have been with him since SD was 10 months old) I know my husband would be mad at me if she acted out when he wasn't around and I didn't handle the situation immediately.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Um. No I didnt marry the the skids!

And YES, I do get to pick and choose what I get involved in. There has to be some benefits to being a SP.

Living day to day's picture

}:) Hee Hee Hee.....That is why my darlings, I'm not marrying my bf. His daughter walks all over me, gets away with it and bf "never" sees it. And when he does, he says nothing.

wishihadknown01's picture

NEVER accept abuse of any kind-not from the man and definitely not from the stepkids

THat they can shove back to the place they learnt it from

Disgusting how we must swallow and shutup?


Nope they can stick it