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Step parent rights

Eb523's picture

I've been trying to find out what my options are aside from adoption. I live in illinois and can't really seem to find how I can obtain the legal right to do things such as take my SD to the doctor or other important things when her bio parents aren't there to immediately make decisions. I can't legally adopting her at the time being because her bio mom won't sign over rights and she wouldn't be proven unfit in the eyes of the law. I was wondering if there is something like a cogaurdianship I could get? I'm thinking it's unlikely, but wanted to know if anyone has experience with this?

a better life's picture

Unless both the parents agree no, there is nothing like that you can get. If both parents agree you are needed in that role they can give written permission at the md's office or if they agree you can see if you could get power of attorney role.

Eb523's picture

Yeah, I figured it would have to end up being an agreed thing. I just had no idea what I would be trying for. I'll look into the power of attorney thing. Thanks!

BethAnne's picture

In all practicality you can do most things for a kid without legal rights. You can take the kid to the doctor, interact with the school and mostly no one will bat an eyelid. Your problem more comes when the BM does not want you doing those things (as is her right as s legal parent). She can either just make life difficult for you or call all of the places and tell them not to interact with you. It is up to you to decide if running around doing all of these things for her kids is worth the potential blow back.

Personally I do a lot for my step kid but she lives with us full time and her mother lives in a different state and has little interaction or interest in the day to day. When we lived in the same town and Sd lived partly with her mother I kept my distance and deliberately did not get involved in any school or doctors issues etc but left it all up to my husband and his ex. The blow back was not worth it and it was not my place to do the parenting duties of two capable adults.

Eb523's picture

She lives with me full time as well. Her mom is only involved when it's convenient for her or when it makes her look better to her family and friends. That's why I am trying to figure out how I could legally be able to help with important things. I would adopt her if her mom would allow it, but that would make her look bad to those who know she has a daughter. I just wish this whole step parenting thing was easier. Sad

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I think that's sadly gotten pretty common Sad Some BMs decide that they want to move completely on, but they like looking good without the responsibility. It's so sad for the kid. My Skids are in the same boat, it's a struggle because they want BM to love them so bad!

Rags's picture

Officially a SParent has no rights. However, as a SParent I took every right I wanted. I took the SKid to the doctor, registered him for school, participated in every parent-teacher conference, put him onto and picked him up from flights as an unaccompanied minor, etc.... I have never once been asked who I was or denied anything I was doing with SS or on his behalf. One of our attorneys long ago told us to do what we want until someone in authority (A Judge) tells us we can't. We ran with that and it worked great.

Your DH can probably give you a letter authorizing you do act in his behalf regarding the Skids. Talk to an attorney to determine what is possible and what form it should take.

Good luck.

Eb523's picture

That's what we are doing right now, but we are going through getting legal custody right now as there is not one in effect. So I just kind of wanted to get a feel for what options are. Thank you!

WalkOnBy's picture

In Michigan, and I believe in general, a parent can designate anyone they want - no agreement by the other parent needed. People make a much bigger deal out of this than is necessary.

For example, kid has doctor appointment. It's mom's week with kid but mom has important meeting at work that she can't miss. Mom asks Grandma to take kid to appointment. Done.

Being divorced is no different. Day to day care - including appointments/sports/whatever is left to the parent that has the kid on that day.

Take the damn kid to the doctor and be done with it Smile

Eb523's picture

Thank you everyone for the feedback. It has put me at ease to get others opinions. None of my friends or family is a step parent, tho many have been divorced, so this is entirely new to me. I want to treat her as my own but don't want to step on toes either. This is probably the hardest thing ever.

Cilya80's picture

Hello, I am new here and came across this in browsing through the forum, and feel that this should also be said if anyone is coming here to look for advice:

While in most states you can take a kid to a Dr if you're the step parent, but cannot make Dr appointments, what you can do (especially if the ex spouse is difficult) is get a power of attorney over the child from your spouse. For example, if your spouse shares joint custody with the other parent, but the children reside with the other parent and the children need any sort of medical attention and your spouse cannot take the time off of work and the ex will not make the appointment, your spouse can give you a POA over the child in order for you to schedule and attend appointments. I've personally done this when I lived in Texas when my ex had to be stationed in another state and I had to make a visit to him, but didn't feel the need to take my daughter out of school for the trip. I gave a very trusted friend a POA over my daughter while I was out of town for that week.

I hope this helps anyone.

Superstepper's picture

It must depend on where you live. Here in Georgia, my MIL and SIL have taken skids to the Dr many times with no issues at all. I have also made many appointments for them as well as I carried both on my insurance plan at that time.