Step-Moms legal rights
How does a step mom get the right to legally be treated as a parent without adopting?
I am a Step-Mom and biological mom still has rights but is always passing on her time with the kids. Either me and my husband have them or my husbands mom does most of the time. The court order is written for joint custody with my husband having tie breaking authority and residency.
Because they are with us most of the time their doctors appointments and school appointments are something I take care of. I am also the one that does their homework with them and spends the most time with them.
Is there a way that legally I can have the same rights as a biological parent? I am sure at some point it will occur to her to make a fuss over the fact that I am taking them to the appointments.
You can file for legal
You can file for legal guardianship but the BM would have to give up her rights/agree to it. So the answer is no.
Have your husband sign a
Have your husband sign a power of attorney, stating that you can act in his place when it comes to your step kids. That will give you the authority to talk to the schools, take the kids to the doctor etc etc and bio mom can not complain.
Yes, verbally mom can
Yes, verbally mom can complain. (She is a BM of course she can and likely will complain lol)
With the power of attorney however, it is made clear that step mom is acting for the father, not attempting to replace the mother or act in the mothers stead. It gives her (step mom) legal foothold to do what needs to be done (school, doctors, anything child related for the kids) when the father is not available due to work/illness.
That doesn't work in Alabama.
That doesn't work in Alabama. Check with the schools and a local attorney. We went through this last year and I needed an actual guardianship. I asked why FMIL was allowed parental status and parent teacher conferenced with nothing and was told by the BOE that she is not. I pointed out that FMIL has been doing it for over 6 years and that caused a boatload of drama at the old school. FMIL had been lying to the nice people at school and they never checked to see if it was true. FDH had no idea either. FMIL said neither BM nor FDH had any rights and that was why they bypassed BM and FDH all the time. z
Yep, that is what I was
Yep, that is what I was pointing out.
I hate to say it but you are
I hate to say it but you are pretty much screwed legally. My DH has full legal and physical. BM gets supervised visitation only at his discretion. And I still have no real rights. I am raising the demon but have no power, no decision making authority, nothing other than doing what DH says is ok. The schools know me as "mom" and call me for everything, the DR's office knows me as "mom" but only because DH has authorized me as such. But as for anything real- nope SM's get nothing. Most thankless job ever...
If your husband has joint
If your husband has joint legal custody, he can sign a "Limited Power of Attorney" giving you the right to seek medical care for the children without bm's consent. We used to do this when the sk's would go visit their grandparents and never had a problem with it. For dealing with the schools however, it's going to be a different story. School administrators do not have to deal with you unless you are a legal guardian for the child. My DH has had to tangle with school admins for years just to get copies of report cards or school records and has had to threaten them with legal action at times, so a stepparent is not going to have much success along those lines.
Stepparents have zero rights.
Stepparents have zero rights. None. Anywhere. Ever. Unless you adopt the kids, and then they're no longer your steps. If you're volunteering to fill in as a mom figure, that's great for the kids, but please don't expect anything in return. Over worked mom is right- it's the most thankless job EVER.
As a SM, you have "no
As a SM, you have "no standing" legally.
She calls twice a week and
She calls twice a week and visits for a few hours on Sundays. Great mom, huh?
The POA sounds like a good idea because of freak accidents. Hubs did have a stroke 2 Christmas's ago. For that alone I need the POA. Thanks for that advice!
It really sucks that I end up a full time parent but have no rights and this woman who does nothing with her kids has more legal standing.
Seems like these types of BMs
Seems like these types of BMs still want control and money even if they don't want to do the work of parenting. You getting legal rights to her kids is a direct threat to her control and money. So I think you're playing with fire, putting yourself in the line of fire. Your DH has it really good, you're doing a lot of his job for him, even I it's your choice. So what is your DH's incentive to make BM take responsibility for her kids? Things are going really well for him right now, why fix something that isn't broke.
You're doing the work and BM is getting paid for it, not you.
If your BM is like most you will never be those kids mom, no matter how good of a caretaker you are. And you may or may not be appreciated for your efforts.
In California, the mother
In California, the mother would have to relinquish her parental rights. Then you could legally adopt your stepdaughter.
You already have every right
You already have every right and authority you feel like taking. At least until a Judge tells you otherwise.
Officially you have no rights. Reality is that you can act as your judgement dictates when it comes to parenting any children that reside in our home regardless of genetic relationship.
I am a custodial step dad. I have no official rights but since my Skid was raised in my home I was his dad and everyone else could KMA when it came to how I parented him, my authorization and participation in his schooling, sports, medical care, travel, etc............ I signed report cards, attended Parent/Teacher conferences, I took him to the doc and signed treatment authorization forms, etc......
Though the SpermClan gnashed their teeth regularly no one that mattered ever commented or otherwise prevented me from parenting my Skid as my wife and I saw fit.
I adopted this philosophy from day one. Shortly before my wife and I married my grandfather passed away and we sought legal counsel on how to care for my grandmother who suffered from eary stage dementia. The lawyer told us that no judge would find her incapable of determining her own affairs and counseled us to do what we thought best until a judge told us otherwise. I applied the same reasoning to my status as dad to my Skid.
It worked. The only place I was ever told I did not count (was not a party to the case) was in family court where judges repeatedly told me that I was not a party to the case and had no input unless I was called to testify. Ironically they immediately would then require me to provide my income information. They loved the ensuing discussion of how I could not provide my income information since they had previously ruled that I was not a party to the case and as such my income was not a party to the case either. }:) }:) I had much fun baiting the idiots in the stupid black robes with their own idiocy. My stance was that even a judge can not have it both ways. Of course I ultimately did have to provide my income information but I never gave it up without baring the idiot judge's ass first. Everywhere else my status as dad was never questioned or denied.
Good luck.
You raised a very good point.
You raised a very good point. Legally, step parents do not have any rights but you do have all the authority in bringing up the skid. My DH is the same as you are, there were no legal documents but he has brought up the skid by himself since 1 year old. The BM decided to show herself once in a while whenever she feels like it. She even have the audacity to say that DH has to give the skid whenever BM asks for them. After all the thankless effort, the BM wants to call the shots. But as grown ups we deal with them maturely and focus on the skid' interests and not our emotions and egos. Let the adults be an adult, at least DH and SM are.
In the eyes of the law, steps
In the eyes of the law, steps have no rights to their stepkids (except, I beleive there was a case in this state where the step got custody of the kids instead of bio mom after the custodial dad died.)
However, certain courtesies extended to me as stepmom when stepdad (L&P custody) is not around. I take him to doctor's, dentists, counseling appointments, etc.
I get away with this because we have never said it was me that did it. "We" do things. "We" communicate those things to her.
If we were to point out that it was I that took him, all hell would break loose. She'd have us in court faster than you can say, "special relief."