Okay, here's the tea:
Fast recap of what the fuck and how the fuck this happened. I met my husband a year ago (yes, a year ago) and at the time that I met him, he was engaged...they got engaged because his parents pressured him and her parents forced him to because she got pregnant. Anyways, she was always emotionally abusive and incredibly jealous with him; she would go far as to prohibit him from having ANY friends. Cutting to the end of their relationship, the last straw was her throwing his clothes out the door because he talked to someone (another female, NON-ROMANTICALLY). We were co-workers at the time and AFTER he separated from her and was NO LONGER living with her, we started "talking". We are now married. I HAVE ONLY EVER SEEN MY STEP-DAUGHTER ONCE! I want to get to know her and I want to be there as an emotional, supportive figure to her. BUT the BM WILL NOT let me see her, even if my husband or my mother-in law is present. She hates me because she thinks that my husband was cheating on her with me, which is not the case. My step-daughter is currently 18 months old, I met her when she was 8 months old. My husband and the BM went to court to settle child support and visitation rights. I remember her SPECIFICALLY saying: "I will only let her meet our daughter until she has your last name" I DO! Still, I have yet to see my SD.
She refuses to let anyone from my husband's side of the family to see the child. My husband has fought to see her but the mother refuses to and my husband doesn't want to involve law enforcement in order to "not anger her more". He hasn't seen her since she was 8 months old. She text messages him and asks for clothes and food and shoes and whatnot, which I UNDERSTAND IS ESSENTIAL. But in order for it to be fair, she has to AT LEAST let my husband see his own daughter.
I want the community opinion and any advice on how we can deal with this, or any experience.