Question: Visitation hand off - Can we avoid seeing her?
Hello all!
We just got done with our 3 week only session with my 3 SD's and everytime we pick them up, there is drama with the BM. When we picked them up, we did it at a police station. Originally my DH was really upset that she suggested it. Then we thought about it, "She can't do anything stupid." So he agreed. We got there and as soon as he gave her a check for her gas (we were ordered to pay her travel, which is total crap) the kids start crying that they don't wanna go with us. They didn't make ONE sound until that money was handed over and the eschange log was signed. This is in the lobby of the police station mind you. So there is screaming from SD9 and then SD13 chimes in, then SD4 does. The lady at the police station came in the room and asked if we needed help. BM said Yes. So they called a cop to come in. 45 minutes later we're leaving with the kids. She tried to get them so upset that she thought they wouldn't have to go. I brought the judge's order with me so there was no doubt it was our turn with them. The cop read it before going to see the girls, which were lead into a room in the back.
So we got them.
Then when we returned them, she wouldn't give him the receipts for the travel and hotel. He literally had to rip them out of her hands. SD13 actually flipped us the bird. There was some yelling back and forth between us all.
So my question is, does anyone know if there is some type of program or something where we can go to and BM has to drop the kids off and leave. Then we come and pick them up? And the other way around when we drop them back off?
I can't find anything on the internet, but I just started looking.
Thanks!
I have not heard of anything like that..
But if you do by all means pass it on! What we do is pick SS up from school when we can and keep him over and bring him back in the am to school. This works great less contact with the BM the better for me.
I believe so
I forget what this is called, but I believe it has to be court ordered. Plus someone has to pay the cost. You basically hire someone who you leave the child/children with, then BM picks them up, and vice versa. So there is a window of time. One parent drops off, the other picks up from a neutral third party. If no one else knows, I can ask my sister, who is a social worker.
Hi there...
I volunteer for CASA/SEPT(Court Appointed Special Advocate/Supervised Exchange and Parenting Time)Program. It is a program that allows parents to see their children when there is a restraining order in place or other circumstances that require the parent either be supervised or exchanged at a neutral location. All of our participants are court ordered to the program.
The bringing parent drops the child(ren) off during a 15 minute window while the picking up parent waits in a separate room. Then the picking up parent leaves with the child(ren) while the other parent waits for 15 minutes before he/she is allowed to leave. This allows the children not to witness any conflict between parents that have a history of violence. The parents never have to see each other all under the supervision of trained volunteers (like myself) who specialize in this area of high conflict.
I am (obviously) from Colorado but I do know that this type of program is offered in other states. I would visit the CASA website in your state and see if a similar program exists. I do know that it will have to be requested and approved by a judge and there are fees involved.
Good luck.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
and a knot on the head
a nubby and a good old frying pan knot on the head.
this looks like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel for you!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
You guys are awesome!
Thank you! I'll surely look this up. Me DH is weird and only wants to use a program where we pay taxes. *blinks*. We pay federal taxes weirdo. So, I'll do some more research on this!
BTW, the kids live 1300 miles from us.
If you have any more info please let me know! I'm sure I'm not alone!
Rachael
Check your divorce decree/custody agreement !
Some custody agreements allow the parents to appoint someone in their place (a parent, or other trusted friend or relative) to stand in their place for the exchange. I was divorced in Texas (while living in Delaware at the time of the filing and the final decree) and mine states this. Ours also states the name of the person must be submitted in writing to the other parent. My ex's wife picks up the kidshalf the time, technically I don't have to let the kids go with her as her name was never submitted to me in writing as a stand in for him on such and such a date (or as a general replacement) however I try to encourage visitation so I don't nit pick about it. Also call the local court and ask if this is permissable as per your states custody issues. Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. Likewise most police stations will allow you to drop your children off between a certain time (say a half hour window from when the other parent arrives) so you don't have to see the other parent. The police take custody of the children for an allotted amount of time. Check with the police station where you're dropping the kids off. now both parents would be assigned an appx time to show up so their paths wouldn't cross, and in the case like this where travel expenses have been ordered the BM would have to show up , drop off the papers and the kids, leave, and come back for the check (or opposite, drop off the papers, then come back for the check and the kids) however it is allowed. do your research locally and where you meet ( if it's in a different state). !
Is there a responsible neutral relative or friend?
I know you hate to involve others in the madness, but I would try to find a neutral relative or friend to play drop off point. BM should have a designated drop off point and time. Once she has left, you guys be on standby to be there within 30 minutes. That way you don't see her and it doesn't inconvience the neutral party for too long.
Put it in writing and mail it certified mail to BM. That way she can't say that she didn't receive it.
We initially began picking skids up from school on Friday and returning them there on Monday. This was perfect as we NEVER had to see BM and play her games. When school was out, her sister was our neutral party. BM and Skids were made to understand that we were doing it that way to alleviate any problems and their refusal to do so proved that they liked the confusion. When we laid it out that way, everyone did their part because of course no one wants to be to blame.
If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.
That alone has calmed BM done in many instances.
My new StepMother's Motto:
When life gives you lemons... Make a damn good Margarita.
I'd love to do that
Their grandparents live next door and when I met their grandfather, he was cordial to me. I'd rather trade them off with them than with her. At least her dad was nice. Even if, like in the summer when we meet them in TENN, he could still sit with them while BM leaves, and then we come by to get them.
Why does she have to be so problematic?!
Dunno
outside of the fact that misery loves company. I just refuse to attend that kind of party.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
Depending on the age you can
Depending on the age you can ask for curb side pick up, where they come out to you/your car at the curb without other parent.
I agree with the one about
I agree with the one about CASA we have that here in Texas and it works great. I know people who have used it. It is alot less stressful on the kids. I would have it put in the papers also I would have the exspenses that have to be paid clarify in the papers. Have bm turn in then tickets and then have a witness that saw you pay. That could get sticky.