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Help with steps to Adopt my Step-son

Kevvy24's picture

Hi,
I am the SF to my amazing step son. I am currently looking for advice on steps I need to take to adopt him. Some back story that may help. His birth dad is still in the picture. He has seen him maybe 5 times in the last 3 years. Never pays the full court appointed child support and calls roughly once a month. Wife has parental rights but he is still legally dad. I have brought up adoption to him but he very rudely shot me down. I am wondering if going to the courts is an option. Or if I am just out of luck. I want to have the security that if anything happens to step-sons Mom that he will be able to stay with me and not have to go with his biological father. Any thoughts would be great!

Thanks

Harry's picture

If bio father is around, as in had no contact for six month to a year or so. What ever your courts go by. Bio father then must sign away his rights. What seems he is not going to do. So you are SOL with adoption. Unless bio dad goes away, or sign rights away
Maybe for givein back CS will work.

twoviewpoints's picture

The man is paying CS (even if not fully and has arrears) and he is in regular contact with the child. The man also has paternal rights. A man can not be forced to give up his legal rights to this child.

Going to court would get you nowhere but a big lawyer fee and court cost. The man has not abandoned his child. While he may not be up for Father Of The Year, you have no cause to try and snag the kiddo.

If the mother died or became unable to care for the child, yes, option for child would go to the father. Possibly grandparent or blood relative next.

You have no legal rights nor claim to the child.

How long have you been in the child's life and how old is the said child? How far away from the child does the father live? There are parents in prison who still have their parental rights. Having physical custody and having parenting rights are two different things.

While the child is lucky to have a man in his life daily who loves and cares for him and his Mommy, the child still has a biological father with parental rights who does exercise them to some extent.

You'll read stories of the different members on this site where the mother or father poof for months or years and still manage to show back up.

Indigo's picture

My SD-32 is a convicted aggravated assault felon who has never paid any child support. She has not lived with any of her children for over 5 years. SD-32 has actually seen her children twice for a few days each time over those five years.

A few weeks ago, she rode into town and took oldest SGS-11 from his biodad/SM to go live in another state --- indigent w/latest bar-boyfriend & the child is behaviorally disordered, autism-spectrum & just out of residential treatment. (EDIT TO ADD: SGS-11 has not been in school since October.) This boy is likely the brightest one out of the bunch & I expect to be sending care-packages to juvie shortly.

Your SS may have a crap-tastic, neglectful father who doesn't see his child for years on end, pays $20/month child support & you still would not have many grounds to adopt. (Be wary of any tactic to force biodad to relinquish his paternal rights.)

My son's biodad works out of the country for more than 6 months/year. I set up my will years ago telling the court who I would like to be the guardian of my child, but the child still has a biodad/family alive so my wishes are kinda moot.

Fantasy, wishful-thinking & dreaming run up against basic DNA & the law. Good luck.

Rags's picture

Unless Bio-Dad officially relinquishes his parental rights there is not much likelihood that you can get custody or adopt. For some pathetic reason, even when a BioParent is abusive, toxic, and a parental waste of skin the courts are hesitant to purge the POS parent from a kids's life. Go figure? :?

I adopted my Skid but only after he became an adult. I have been his dad since he was 15mos old and he asked me to adopt him when he was 22.

Good luck.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I looked into stepparent adoption.

Most states require the parent to basically have not been a parent for 6 months to a year (or more) before they'll consider severing the ties and killing parental rights.

There are three options:

1) You file the petition to adopt, the bio-parent does nothing, the courts grant it and you go on your merry way having adopted him.

2) You file the petition to adopt, the bio-parent files a petition in return, it goes to court. You argue that he's not fit to be a parent, AND that in a reasonable time there's not a chance at that being changed.

3) You convince the bio-parent to sign to allow you to adopt, therefore forfeiting their rights and granting you yours.

You being willing to adopt means the courts will be more likely to grant it. Courts are less likely to kill a parent's rights (even one that ditched) if someone is not ready to step up and be the second legal figure for the child.