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Ex placing kids with nanny instead of DH

ginalee's picture

Biological Mom has kids 20 days per month. DH has them 10 days per month. Her new job takes her out of state 10 of the 20 days she has the kids...Is it reasonable to request that the DH gets the kids those absent 10 days instead of a nanny she wants to hire? Isn't it healthier for the kids sake to be with their Dad? They'd want to if given the chance.

misguided's picture

Yes, I think that is more that reasonable. If she won't do it she is willing to let her kids suffer so that she can make her ex suffer. My husbands ex does the same thing. She lets her mom watch the kids everyday after school instead of DH even though he is homme. When your dealing with a woman who will let their kids suffer, other than going to court there isn't alot you can do.

Totalybogus's picture

Does his CO have first right of refusal? If not, I would have it modified to include that language.

Storm76's picture

It seems incredible that she would want to pay for a nanny when the father is able and willing to take the kids for the days she is working away.

One thing though - are you suggesting that you guys have the kids for your 10 days plus the 10 she's out of state? If so she probably doesn't want that as you'd have more custody & so you could ask for CS from her rather than her getting it from you.

ginalee's picture

Yes, we'd want the kids when she doesnt have them. That would reverse the custody time to us having 20 days and her 10. I think any judge would agree that the kids should be placed first with the other parent, or at least the option. Thanks too. I didn't think about the money factor. She'll loose childsupport. Hmmm

Orange County Ca's picture

I also think she is afraid of losing support. I'd let her leave the kids with a nanny after documenting Dad's willingness to take the kids in. Then sue for a change in the courts order.

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It may be that 50 years from now the only important thing you did in this life is to be important in the life of a kid.

robcat92411's picture

in my state a dad has the right to be with those kids over a nanny.. i think the term is any nonfamily member. but it is because of the cs and also the power she has over them and you guys. bm are crazy and do not think about anyone including the kids but themselves. she might have to pay a nanny but she will not pay the dad and this is that power trip of dad not being able to make the major decisions. look into the child timeline guidelines in your state. if she is getting a nanny. you can legally request them with dad unless that nanny is a family member.

somerg's picture

i would put my kid with a nanny instead of with dad, but he has that right to fight if he really wants to fight it